I've Never Been Diagnosed

But i've always thought there was something wrong with me. I am extremely emotional. When i say extremely emotional, i mean it. I think i have some chemical imbalance in my brain or something, ha. My mum has said it could be bipolar, and so have a number of other people. I've never actually spoken to anyone about it. There are times when it is a problem, and other times it's okay.

It's the down time that is really bad. I can go into such deep depressions over something so tiny or not even know what i'm depressed or crying about. I've never really been suicidal though which is a good thing. But i sure do experience overwhelming sadness a lot. I can go from one extreme to the next. I can cry at the drop of a hat. My best friend tells me i'll be lucky if i ever find someone who will stay with me. And though i hope it's not true, part of me knows that she may be on to something.

It's the people who know me best like my parents, brother and best friend that know just how intense and crazy i can be. I've never really hurt anyone but i can be violent sometimes. Sometimes when i'm angry i feel like every single part of my body is engulfed in rage. I get so angry that i cry.

On the flipside, i can be over-the-top hysterical and hyperactive. Which is another thing i have never been diagnosed with, but i've always considered myself to have a.d.d. I'm so high strung. I'm impetuous and easily angered. My emotions are all over the place. I have SO much emotion. I put all of myself into my emotions. I think that just might be my problem. I don't know how i can change this.

My best friend loves to tell people the story of the time there was no tomatos in the fridge and i absolutely flipped at my mum. ha. It's not like i'm proud of when i go crazy for silly reasons. I do want to change.

jasminjane jasminjane
18-21, F
4 Responses Dec 17, 2008

I am diagnosed Bipolar, and not ever thinking about suicide is not generally a symptom of it, however, you do seem to have a lot of the symptoms that go with it, but those sympoms can fall in line with other illnesses, so it is best to try and seek a professionals opinion on the matter, but I would understand your skeptism in seeing them also. For me personally, medication only made matters worse for me, but, i'm not saying that you yourself might not need that because everybodies different. But the one thing you shouldn't do is self diagnose yourself. Personally, I don't think it is something that you can cure, but just something that you learn to accept about yourself and learn to deal and cope with better. You will worse days than others, but you can get through them, and more importantly with people that understand what you're going through, and give you their support. I hope it works out for you.

Yeah i don't eat nuts :S But i know when i was younger there were so many foods my mum would refuse to let me eat because of the additives. Speaking of MSG i do eat a lot of 2 minute noodles and the packet flavouring is practically pure MSG ha. <br />
I do sort of try to look after myself in that respect - but mostly i just try to get enough sleep - it doesn't happen all that often but i do know i'm not as nice when i haven't got a certain amount of sleep.<br />
I think it's all in my head really. But i have no self control.

Try nuts or essential EFA's. Also experiment with your foods and see what additives may seem to trigger your episodes.<br />
Especially watch for msg and other excitotoxins.

Listen, sweetheart, I hear what you are saying. My oldest daughter, now 40, is bi-polar. She was sent to doctors and given treatment, but she also self medicated until she was taking over 50 loritab 7.5's per day. She even took trips to mexico to smuggle them back to the U. S. Her life is ruined, her mind is severely deminnished, and her future is not bright. The meds that are out nowdays work, although sometimes it takes a while to get the doses right. There have been many people who have led good, productive lives who were bi-polar. Dan Rather is one example out of many. Get yourself to a professional now. This is not something to po po over. God bless.