Mess

Today, I messed up. I had a teaching demo for a teaching job at the university. Unprepared and certainly underconfident, I just went for it. The only thing I got right was the introduction. Haha. At the first sentence of demo proper, everything went pfffftttt!

I've been like this before, failing. Again and again. But for the first time, that eeky feeling of failing does not haunt me. Right now, there's some regret but I feel alright. I guess the difference is that now, I acknowledge my mistakes and did not attribute it to another people or an unfortunate event. For the first time, I said, "yeah, this is where I went wrong. I should have done this and that. Next time, I will be better!" For the first time, I admitted that I was fully responsible for my failure. And that diminishes, no it doesn't remove, that oh-so-very-bad feeling.

I am glad and thankful. I feel like I'm finally growing up. I hope this continues until I find the best me again.
deleted deleted
26-30
2 Responses Jun 25, 2012

Teaching demos can be tough if you're relying on student response. I don't know what you did in your demo, but in general, the thing that works best is presentation, discussion, activity, report back, wrap up. The important thing is you want to get the students doing something and then talking about it. PM me if you have another one coming up and feel like you want to bounce ideas off me. I've taught at university for more than 25 years....

I've got a PhD in English, and I teach everything from Freshman Writing to graduate level courses in special topics. My favorite things to teach are film and drama, although I'm enjoying a medieval course I'm teaching this semester. I'm very big on teaching itself, and mentoring junior faculty who may be doing this for the first time.

This was an incredible piece. Thank you for sharing your story. Many times people hold onto failures, compounding and depressing themselves because of it. I have done it before.<br />
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You have successfully turned what you considered a failure into a life lesson that will strengthen you instead of weaken you. All due to nothing more than your perspective on the situation. I tip my hat to you. :)<br />
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If you are ok with watching a quirky documentary/story, I recommend "what the bleep do we know". It is about quantum physics but they apply the theories to every day life. There is a part where they talk about how our brain creates the situation, not in a mystical way, in a chemical way. It was an eye opener for me. Understanding this was like being given the combination to my reactions and emotions. If you'd like to talk about it, msg me.<br />
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Be well,<br />
-R