I Met My First Love After 30 Years And Hurt Again

I met her right out of high school.  We clicked at all levels body, mind and soul.  We were only 17 years old, naive and shy.  We made out passionately while dating, talking of love and future.  We came close, but never made love.  After three months, she broke up with me.  She wanted to focus all her energy on studies in law, so she can be successful in the future.  This success was important to her, as her childhood was full of emotional sadness from love her mother wouldn't give her.  I was devastated, I cried like I never cried before.  My heart was broken into so many pieces.

I don't see or hear from her for 30 years, then I get an email through a school web site.  She has found me and my emotions go off the chart.  I never forgot about her and she never me.  She wants to say sorry for leaving me and have closure for what happened.  I accepted her reasons, how can any true man not.  We both are married, but as we talk on the phone, I can feel the energy between the two of us.

I fly to meet her three weeks later.  She meets me at the terminal and when I see her, it's like she never changed.  She was just as beautiful the first day I met her.  When I'm hugging her, I'm shaking a little, more from being overwhelmed than anything.

We have a couple glasses of wine and talk the evening away about our lives and feelings.  We're both confused as our marriages have fractures in both of them.  We go to her room and after 30 years, made love all night long.  Never have I had such emotional and satisfying love making in my life.

The next time we get together, she notices my wedding band for the first time and it dawns on her what is happening.  We are both having an affair which is something against both our values.  We parted that night with a promise of only remaining friends.  That was the only option I had.  Anything else and she disappears again forever.

I hurt very much from this experience.  I try to savior the pictures of our lovemaking on that first night, then I realize it will never happen again.  I think she knows how much I hurt, but we don't talk about it, as I'm afraid she will leave my life again.  We text and talk, but leave it to every mundane conversations.




after30years after30years
46-50, M
1 Response Nov 13, 2009

In a sence you are carrying on an emotional affair with those feelings.