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Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time, I did fall in love with someone from here.  It was a very unexpected thing.  Started out as a casual friendship, then to best friends, then BOOM, IN LOVE!!!

I knew I had feelings for this guy that were more than just friendship but would have never said anything.  He was way younger than I!!!  One day he instant messages me and tells me how addictive I am to him, which made me have this huge smile because I felt the exact way, lol.   I couldn't even say, YES, I am too.  He had to ask me, "Do you feel the same way?" Then he says how we can be addicted to each other which was a great idea to me!!!  Everything he would say to me, I already felt in my heart.  I just didn't have the nerve to say it to him.  So it was HEAVEN to my ears that everything I already felt, he did too.

Funny thing is, now the guy doesn't even speak to me.  Actually, it ended up being the most saddest experience of my life!!!  I only trusted two people in this world, my brother  and him.  It was such a great feeling to finally have someone OTHER than my flesh and blood brother that I could trust.

Well, that was then.  Now, I only trust my brother.  Which is ok, at least I do have my very special brother who I'M SURE GOD PUT IN MY LIFE BECAUSE HE KNEW HOW LET DOWN I WOULD BE BY ALL OTHER MEN...... 

I'm not a man hater , by far, so please don't think this.  It's just that even my dad, step dad and husband would also let me down in big ways.  Those relationships should have been good ones but all I got was major heartache, fear and pain!!!

I have only been in love with that one guy from EP.  So far, no one else has even come close.  I hope to never repeat this, well, at least NOT on EP.   I need EP so much.  Having PTSD, this is where I have let go of so much pain, sadness that I had held onto all of my life..

OH, one thing I will say about this online affair is that this guy taught me how to open up and express myself.  Something which I could NEVER do.  So for this, I will always be grateful......
TexasLily TexasLily 51-55, F 7 Responses Jun 26, 2011

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I'm sorry that it ended so soon, but glad that your meeting him had such a positive effect on you. And I wish you great luck in the future!

Great story. I like the way you work your way through the thoughts and emotions involved. Life has taught me to not try to define love or to make others live up to my expectations, but to enjoy the experience and be grateful when it happens.

Hi Pete, yeah, I sometimes think WOW, why did it even have to happen, meeting this person. I laugh now because he almost had to use a crowbar to get things out of me, haha. After a while, I would just say, lily, just say it, he's gonna get out of you anyway, haha. I started feeling very comfortable just letting go. Now, with other people, I am the one who has to pry things out. Of course, ths is with my closest buddies or family. Today, I am a much freer person because of him. That's a great thing. ....:-)

I love the last comment in your story Lily. Who of us hasn't had a relationship that didn't fulfill our expectations? By being grateful for the good times we grow as a person and increase the chances for success in future relationships.

:-)

Yeah, it did. Too bad we couldn't at least continue our friendship. I have had other online affairs just not on EP..After some time away from these other men, we continued our friendship. I'd like to think that we all have something to share with each other, learn from each other. Plus, a great love and respect for one another. That's always a good thing!!! :-D

Yes, it's sad Lily ... but as you say perhaps there's something to be learned from all these experiences. It taught you something valuable.