He Saved Me...

I have a pretty tough life if people really knew me..when I was 12 years old I was raped for about almost 2 years from a very close friend. Than my mother found out than she went to the cops wit it at first I was very afraid. I knew she was disappointed in my whole family was I felt like they blamed me, even though I didn't know it wasn't right till one day a counselor I was seeing told me its rape cuz im not old enough to consent to sex and because I said “NO” to him. Everyday from the time I was 12 until I was 19 years old I was living a life of hell. Their was days when I couldn't sleep because that's all I had was flash backs of what happened when I was younger and I realized that its gonna be apart of me, even though I already knew that by time I was 12 years old after it happened. I felt Dirty and like my body wasn't mine no more because someone had taken something away from me. I lost a lot of my friends when at that time I needed friends but they wasn't their for me they went their way. I was almost ran over. I was stalked for a couple years.. I couldn't go anywhere without seeing his face I couldn't even go to school because he would be their as well. When I was in high school it was hard for me to even focus because I seen him everywhere, but it got harder as years went by my older brother got sentenced to prison he has been in their for about 5 years. I used to be so depressed to do any of my school work, I stopped caring I didn't do my work. I didn't show up to class at times, & sometimes I wouldn't make it on time. I was always depressed &' emotional because of it me and my older brother is 4 years apart but we look just alike.. I used to care what everybody though of me. I wanted to be popular be in the cool crowd but I gave up on that because their was no point to it. No I didn't wanna walk around trying to be better than everybody else. I failed my freshman year I had to take summer school in order to pass, or I would have to repeat the year over. My sophomore year I was in a relationship wit someone that was in prison his name is Mike Smith, we was basically dating for about 9 months than he got released and just ditched me. I was in love wit that dude for real than after he just ditched me I cried for days and days. I never had got over him so easily it took me a while to even want a boyfriend really.. I believed guys would just play me their was so many times in my life I wanted a boyfriend wit the qualities I expect... such as  honesty, caring , respect . speak their mind, not tell me wht they think of me not what I wanna hear. . tell me im beautiful and make me feel like im the only girl in the world. . help me feel better bout myself not less than a person. . treat me right, listen to me, no matter how many times I tell em and love me for me. My self esteem is pretty bad and has been since i was a child. I been called ugly, dumb, fat, not worth anything in the world, nobody likes me, people feel sorry for me, and that im worth a penny.
i believed it all though because everything people say i know its true. I used to be just like the person that saved me from my life. i was once bullied for many years i was picked on called hateful things, people pulled my hair tried beating me up, 
i wanted people to like me but than i gave up and stopped caring what people think because if they don't even know me they can't judge me. i was a private person because i didn't want anyone being a part of my mixed up life. After years in high school not having a single soul to be around me at all. I finally opened up and let someone be a part of this crazy life of mine. 
I met him on Facebook i knew instantly that he was something special, i called him up one day and i could tell from him voice we would have lots of things in common and i could read him already. I could tell him bout his whole life without even knowing him. It took me months to actually have feelings for him, it took me bout 5 months to actually fall in love wit him i was really afraid to let him in. I've been friends wit people and had feelings where they leave. I mean he knew how i felt exactally i told him when we talked the first time, don't fall in love wit me, im not expecting a relationship wit you i just got out of a really bad relationship and i can't handle another one at the moment. and i told him i just wanna be best friends we was for a long time, 
we had our fights and ups and downs because he would leave me for other females but i knew where his heart was at this whole time. It didn't matter who he was wit no matter what i always found a way to break them up, or he would break up wit them on his own,& come right back to me, he could be wit who ever bt i knew by the end of night he was the one talking to me, and thinking bout me. He is in love wit me i can tell you that and always will be.. we hurt each other which isn't a good thing. He saved me from my life i was having i became an man beater literally i beat up on the person i live wit which is a man. 
and i am an acholic and i do drugs and smoke cigarettes alot. when i met him i didn't know what to expect but after a year of talking i knew he would be the only one inside my head i want their. I was hurt many times from the past but he has always been their for me and he let me have my moods and attitudes knowing i am going through alot. I think alot of times he knows that im dealing wit alot, he just doesn't know what to do.. Im addicted to sex now i wish i wasn't but i am. N im an acholic because wen i drink i feel like my problems are gone and its the only way i can make them leave. when i smoke i feel happy when half the time i really hurting inside.  He means the world to me, i would do anything for him he knows it though.
i love him even though sometimes i feel like he doesn't feel the same way..  THiS iS MY LiFE i LiVED AND tHE PERSON THAT iS iN MY LiFE SAVED ME FRoM A LiFE i WOULD OF HAD BADDER THAN WHAT I KiNDA GOT NOW.. 
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