I'm A Pin Cushion And May Have Ms.

This is my first time writing here. There are many things I could be writing about, and I may write about them in the future, but I need to vent my story about the struggle with all the tests I've had to do as of late.
I should start with what had led me to an MS specialist. In 2008, when I was 24, my period went very out of whack, i had bled every day for 8 months straight. After 4 different gynos and 2 ER visits for dehydration, they found a cyst on my right ovary slightly larger then a softball. They set me up for surgery to remove it. While the Dr. was in there, he noticed my right Fallopian tube was twisted "like a corkscrew," and they had to remove it. After the surgery my period went slightly normal, on and off till Feb. 2012. It suddenly went very heavy, so heavy I ended up at the Dr.'s again on an emergency visit. The morning of, I woke up and could not see out of my right eye. I assumed it was stress and eye strain. The gyno suggested I see my primary that day as well, just for the wheezing I was experiencing as well as set up another ultra sound. At the visit with my primary, I already felt like a fool. So many things at once, how could I tell her that I couldn't see?
It was a 25 minute visit, and as she was saying "Take it easy, I'll see you later." I interrupted her and said, "Oh, btw, I can't see out of my right eye." She shut the door and turned to look at me, "what!?" she said. I told her I just woke up that morning and could not see. I remember this was a Wednesday, she had me at an eye Doctor on Friday morning.
I was at the eye Dr for 3 hours. The first 15 minutes I was there, he told me he was concerned it may be MS, but he'd like to do all the tests he could to try to rule out that thought. I had no idea what "MS" stood for at the time. He then had sent me to another Doctor, this was Feb 14th, my Valentine's Day was spent doing more eye tests. This new Doctor verified he was concerned it my be MS as well and sent me for my first ever MRI.
That night I went home and looked up this "MS" and it hit me, "That is why I feel like that!" I thought I was just "fat and stupid", that's why I couldn't remember easy things, or why I stuttered and lost words, or why I would nearly fall backwards when I was standing still.
The MRI was scary, I'm claustrophobic. They did it with and without contrast. They told me it could take 24 hours for the results. The next day I was at work, trying to not think about it. I'm a cashier at a pharmacy. The Doctor had called my home and told my fiance to have me call him immediately. My supervisor let me into the office to let me be alone as I called. Right after I had said my name, my Dr.'s voice fell. "I am sorry to say, your MRIs show that you do have MS." No tears fell, not yet. I took the information I needed about the MS Specialist and hung up. I turned to my supervisor, stunned. Her face, the worry, the pity, made me cry. She and the store manager worked my sick time and gave me two weeks off.
I say the MS specialist the next day. He did a few tests in the office there. He poked my face with pins, made me walk with my eyes closed, scarped the bottom of my feet. He said he wasn't sure if I had MS or not. That is when my mind started churning.
He sent me for three days of IV steroids. I have a huge fear of needles. It took them three tries to get the needle and the IV thread into my arm. Because of that, they left it in for the 3 days. Every day after my steroid treatment, they wrapped my arm to keep the IV safe. After the first day, I saw a big improvement in my eye sight. After the third day, it was back 100%. That's when the Dr. told me about the spinal tap. I couldn't freak out though, because my mother had came to be with me and I always feel the need to be strong for her. (Thats a story for another day.)
They happened to schedule my tap for the same day that I had to go back to the gyno for the results of my ultrasound, so I called the gyno to tell them I had to reschedule. Minutes later the gyno called me back. She needed to tell me the results of my ultrasound. She concluded, after years of assuming it, I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. I was even able to process this terrible news, not even yet. I had to ready myself for the spinal tap, I couldn't worry about that yet!
The morning of the tap, my father drove me, my mother and my fiancee to the hospital. Even though I was freaking out, I had worn my Pillsbury Dough Tshirt that said "Go ahead, poke me" and everyone in the waiting room got a laugh out of it.
I had read many stories and seen scenes about the pain. I was surprised when they wheeled me into an Xray room. They put an IV in, they told me "Just in case." and told me to lay on my stomach. I felt a burning pinch then nothing for a moment. I felt the needle go in, but it didn't hurt. It actually tickled a little when the needle made my leg "pop" as I call it. Felt like something squeezed my muscle till my leg popped up a couple of times. After a few minutes they told me they were through and sent me back to a semi private room to lay flat for two hours.
I was in a good mood! It barely hurt, less scary then what I was thinking! After an hour of sitting by my side, my fiance told me he felt sick. He ended up vomiting several times before we even left.
When we got home, I took my spot on the couch continuing to lay flat as my fiance layed in bed and my mother was at my beck and call. After listening to my fiance vomit 4 more times in a pail, I started crying. I felt fine! How can I just lay here and not help him?! I got up, my mother yelling at me to lay back down, and emptied my fiance's bucket, got him a damp washcloth, rubbed his head, then felt the headache starting. I apologized and kissed his forehead and went back to the couch. I slept for 3 hours, I awoke sweating with a terrible stomach ache. I got up and went, shakingly to the bathroom. I was in there for just a moment before I felt it. I only got out "Mom!" before I started throwing up allover the floor. I started sobbing, saying "I'm sorry" to my mom as she tried to help me. I almost passed out twice. "Why me!?" i thought to myself. Just hours after a spinal tap, i get a weird stomach bug. I vomited 8 more times that night. After 30 hours, I started feeling better and could finally keep down my water. But it wasn't good enough, the dreaded "LP Headache" had started. I truelly thought I was dying. I called the Dr and the receptionist knew right away that I needed a blood patch. I had read about that and started hyperventilating. I started crying and saying "no!" But I went anyways. The walk from the car to hospital was dreadful, the nurse was really nice and got me onto a bed immediately. I was really scared. I thought maybe they'd do it exactly the same way as the LP, until the Dr came into the semi private room with a nurse and a kit. I started freaking out again. They had me sitting up and slightly bent forward. I was ready for it, until the Dr swore. "Those idiots!" he yelled. They did my LP too low. They couldn't do a blood patch to stop the headaches. He told me to be put on 2 hours of IV fluids and motrin and left. I went home and had to call out of work for 3 more days. The next day after this, I was laying in bed all day, I didn't eat, I tried to not cry. i begged my fiance to kill me. The pain was unbearable. I finally fell asleep and slept for 16 hours. When I woke, the pain was minimal. I finally ate and things were finally getting back to normal.
I went back to the MS Specialist 2 days later to find out what the tap said.
It was clean, no signs of MS whatsoever. Now my Dr is starting to feel I don't have MS, so he sends me to get an MRI of my spine. After the first MRI, I start feeling easier about it. And started getting excited, no more tests! no more pokes! This is great! Until I get a call at work the next day, something went wrong with the MRI and I have to redo it. I go in again and have to sit in the tiny hole again.
so, I get the results of this MRI, and my spine has lesions. But my Dr is still unsure! At this time, I'm starting to question my trust in this Dr.
He then sends me to get an evoked potential test. Finally a test where i don't need to be poked! The test was fun, actually. The tech was really nice.
I go this Monday to get the results. So, here I am, 2 and a half moths later, 19 pokes later, and my Dr. is still unsure. After reading the symptoms, it was very clear to me. The weird things that I couldn't explain finally had meaning. The Dr. said if this test is inconclusive, that he will do what he calls "wait and see," if I get optic Neuritis again, then I have MS. But that could be years! I needed to vent this all out. I am worried about my appointment on Monday.
I haven't fully cried yet over MS. I feel exhausted about it. I hate the yes, no, yes, no, maybe of it. I just want to know if I have it or not! I'm just too tired to do anymore tests.
MrsGilligan MrsGilligan
26-30, F
May 4, 2012