Slipped Away...
Posted September 14th, 2010 at 4:21PM
I don't think I change that much, it must be the thousands of "me" living in me. But my friends are never constant. Does that mean that I change? I am not trying to defend myself here..but situations change, and I have to keep adapting myself to it. Perhaps others can't accept how I 'adapt'...
3 years back, I made a great friend at college. She was perky and confident. Not my type. As usual I kept my distance from everyone because I find it so hard to interact with new people. So she comes bouncing and sits next to me, and immediately introduces herself. I liked her at once. I usually am friends with people who are more like me. But I was maybe ready for a change.
I began to learn then, she WAS a lot like me. We were talking non
Then the changes started to come. I had to deal with a lot that was changing in my life. She was going through a hard time with her boyfriend at the same time. I wasn't there for her, and she was too wrapped up in her own problems to be there for me... it was a dark realization to know that we were growing so very 'distant'...and when we crossed paths, we go delighted, 'hey!' and catch up on how things are going..but then it grows quiet. We both know too much is different. Even we have changed...Sometimes we go "Like what the hell happened with us anyway?" and we try to make plans to break the spell of distance...but it never went.
It was like a strong bold code was suddenly snapped in two, and there was no way to repair it. She now has lots of other friends, the kind of people we used to avoid. As for me, I became very quiet. I ran out of words, I force laughter. I watched from a distance and sometimes I smile to see her looking happy or having fun. At other times I feel like crying... It became too hard to be around people and the feeling ate me alive. I am now too comfortable sitting at home, going to work, going to college and just existing in my own world. Before I wouldn't have had the time to sit and write all this...
Maybe she didn't really care about me, maybe I was just a shoulder to cry on? Maybe I became too boring? Maybe she changed and I didn't, or maybe I changed and she didn't..something definitely changed so much that we look back and feel a bittersweet sad tug...thats how I feel at least..and I see the same in her eyes..all I know is, I miss her.
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well said. yeah, i have a few friends like this. it is so hard to describe what happens between two hearts and how the things we like to do and don't like to do change, but that core affection remains, but regardless sometimes there is just too much "difference" to ever get things back like they were or even to forge a new relationship in it's place. i would say that it is a miracle we find and connect with each other at all sometimes. certain times in our lives are just for certain experiences and people and it seems rare to find people that truly stand the test of time. it all seems pointless sometimes as well, like why do we even try when everything is bound to change and all our energy and hard work is destine to vanish one way or the other. but it is the nature of living i suppose, and we don't really have many true choices, so we keep trying even right here, right now, between you and me, we are trying to build something. though neither of us knows quite what it will become or how long it will last. still we try.
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Nice thought to ponder on...yeah maybe we don't know the reason behind why we try, maybe we experience heroes who just needed to be there at the right moment, right place (like Superman does when a woman is falling off a building).It is always a mystery how people slip in and slip away..and true, it is a test of time. I guess it proves it's worth before it ebbs away...and foolishly or inevitably, I will keep trying, like you said.
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