It Has Been 3 Months Since His *passing* Now !

Yet it seems like only hours ago.   I am like a robot every day.  I go through the motions but I am detached from life, just observing it.

Josh and Sariah are back at school mingling with friends and support at school.  Don't get me wrong, I have heaps of loving support among friends, church and the general community.  There isn't anything they wouldn't do for me or the children,  and have done in abundance !

It's just that I can still  hear His *echo* on the farm.   He reminds me to hire help this year to get the trees pruned,  to remember to begin the "new" plantings as some of the trees have served their time,   to remember to change the old mailbox before the winter or we will have soggy mail again this year.

I still haven't opened the door to his personal gym !   Many have offered to clear away the equipment,  but I can't bear to let it go.  It would be like finally admitting he won't be back home to use it again.

I even thought of selling the farm and moving back to Melbourne with my parents, but  I'd be leaving so many shared experiences, good and bad, so many hours / days / years of shared hard work .

Will I ever feel whole again ?       I have read over all his stories here on EP   and   felt the warmth of the friendships he made  with you all.   I know there are some of you who also share my tears  still.    How can we help each other ?     BG would want us to *embrace life*   (one of his favourite sayings)

How can we *honor*  his memory in our lives?


NaomiBGand2chn NaomiBGand2chn
41-45, F
10 Responses Feb 23, 2010

We are always here for you sweet lady.

Thank you MrsIcb4rp

Thank you for your love and support. I understand why BG spent so much time on EP when he was attempting to recover. He may not have recovered physically, but I'm sure you all helped him with a great deal of emotional recovery.<br />
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Love,<br />

wow, what an awesome tribute to your beloved! Naomi, you are a blessed woman, to have been partnered w a man that touched to many lives, so deeply...I pray that God continues to bless you, and that He use you to be a blessing to many others.<br />
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God bless you!<br />
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It's been 5 yrs for me, an eternity,,,you will always miss him, he is a huge part of you....the pain of loss lessens/changes....but he will always be a part of you!<br />
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All my best....

i miss his presence here, and i know that it has been very hard for you. i cannot understand, but i can be there for you. he was there for me so many times, giving me a laugh, making me think about life, to keep pushing on. i cried off and on for a while, and i still get teary sometimes, especially when i see Rocky movies advertised on our television. i always pictured you two as Rocky and Adrianne. i know that if we keep our heads up and remember how he lived so intensely, even during his recovery period, we can remember how amazing life can be, and the lessons he taught us all.<br />
i love you Naomi, and i am so sorry for your pain. i am your friend always, whenever you need me.<br />

My prayers

Naomi, I didn't know BG well. Only in a couple of passing comments, but he was always a generous soul to me when I first came to EP trying to heal from my own loss. I know the emotionless feelings you feel and the act of going through the motions.<br />
All I can say to you is this: Keep what is precious until your heart tells you to let it go. Even if it never does. Let no one guide your feelings in this. Your heart is his and you, only you will know when the time is right. Follow your heart. It will not fail you in the end. The motions will turn to purpose in time. You will find it sneaks up on you. Small realizations and many more tears. The shock will wear away and you will come to terms..... It just takes time..let the time flow as it will.

Thank you AmyMA You are right, he is always with us. many hugs for you too<br />
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Wildernessgirl, there is a group called * I remember when I met BG*<br />
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I remember him fondly, Naomi, and it is good to see you back on EP. There is a lot of love here and people who still miss Tobias everyday. We can all hug each other and help you through the loneliness. I understand how you might feel surrounded by memories on the farm, but leaving them may feel worse. Perhaps more weekend trips to Melbourne for a break will provide relief.<br />
hugsssssssssssssssssssssssssss<br />

Naomi, it is good to hear from you. I've often wondered how you were going and whether you had read all of Tobia's stories and comments here on EP. It must be lovely to have them all. Perhaps you could write a story pr create a group where people could recall what their favourite memories of Tobias are. A place we could all visit to remember all the good things that he had done for others and the fun that he had amongst us here on EP. xx WG

naomi i miss bg every day....i read his stories and messges many times..<br />
bg would tell me ''if u ever need me im here anna'' and i know he is,he is with all of us who love .<br />
i send u many many hugs,love u naomi*♥