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I Miss It

Relationships sometimes are wonderful when the two people involved in it truly care, respect and are honest with each other. I miss being in a relationship, but not just any relationship. I miss being in the kind of relationship were the man wants to spend as much time with me as I'd love to spend time with him. The kind of relationship were there's open communication lines and in times of arguments we can stop and cool off. The type of affectionate relationship were hugs and kisses plus a lot more is shown on a daily basis. The special kind were you LOVE waking up next to the person, even when he snores, or kicks when sleeping. 

Last night I had a small yet funny incident. There was a roach in my bathroom and I was freaking out. I didn't want to kill it, yet I didn't want it in my bathroom. So I stepped out of the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I sat down and remembered when one of my exes would go spider hunting, because I'm petrified of spiders. He'd make sure there were no spiders. I miss that A LOT. The tiny gestures, the little sacrifices like staying up really late at night just talking to someone over the phone. 

I've been single for a year now, exactly since November of last year. I dated a much older man since January, but there was no serious commitment at first. Now he's going to leave the country to another country. Sometimes I wonder the "IF" questions like; what "IF" we would have gotten in a committed relationship -but I wasn't ready-; What "IF" he would have been the one to make me happy. Yet, there's also other what "IF" that aren't very positive. 

I guess being single has its perks, but loneliness is a huge sacrifice. Especially at night, or when I'm down. I'd just wish to find someone capable of loving me for who I am, and caring enough to not inflict me anymore pain. Someone that's as honest, loyal, affectionate, and loving as I am. But, do wishes really come true?

thanatophobic thanatophobic 22-25, F 2 Responses Nov 23, 2009

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I had the same issue up until my last ex-boyfriend. I jumped from relationship to relationship and just like you those were 2 to 3 years. In between (after the breakup) I'd be single max 2 moths. But then the last one... I get the experience I got from that made me grow up and mature a lot faster. Therefore, the time I've been single I've been meditating more, thinking what I did wrong, what my problems are and how to fix them. I don't want to go through another relationship that ends in a break up, I'm willing to put in the effort again and work hard, but I have to be selective. Don't worry you'll get through it, the first 3 weeks are the hardest, after that you start hanging out with friends, or picking up new hobbies (thats what I try to do). Although in my case I do stay away from men, so I don't frequent bars, clubs, lounges and places where single men go mingle and hunting for girls. Not now, not yet anyways. Bud good luck!!

i know exactly how you feel.. ive been in serious relationships most of my life .. ranging from 1-3 years each.. I have never been single for more than a week.. i tend to move on rather quickly. I am proud to say thati have been single for 3 weeks now and although im lonely i am so satisfied with myself and you should be too. It takes a strong woman and man to commit herself to being single.. Just remember that everything happens for a reason! Be happy for where you are and where you life is right now.<br />
Keep smilin