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Married But Confused

I am 21 and me and my wife got married a couple months ago. The history of our story is that we were dating for about two months when she got pregnant and had a baby boy. A month before she had him she broke it off with me because of her family not liking me and encouraging her to end it. After our son was born she started dating one of her exs and i started dating a different girl who i dated for a few months then it ended. When our son was about six months old her and her ex started having problems and in talking to me she decided to end it with him and see if we could make us work and be a happy family. While we were dating her family decided to move and she was going to move with them. Instead of this happening and not being able to see my son everyday we decied to get engaged and we got married. The first month of marriage was great but now she has started to complain about the way i do things and isnt willing to change at all for me just wants me to do all the changing. She also constantly wants to go see her family (which i cant blame her) but its hard to drive to see them in a weekend because we are still in college. Its also difficult because i feel very out of place when im down there cause they are very fake nice acting to my face (remember these are the same people who talked her out of being with me a year ago). I am really starting to miss being single when i was single i could be myself and strive for my dreams (now its your dreams are stupid) when i mention them at all. I miss being able to go out with my friends and go to a party every now and then. I miss the myself time where you could think about everything and figure out where you are in life and where you wanna be. I miss the meeting new people and thrill of liking someone new/ the excitment and feelings of having a crush and acting on it. So now im very confussed with what to do because of all these feelings.

 

drummer19 drummer19 18-21, M 4 Responses Oct 17, 2009

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We are just giving our opinions. We are not saying we are professional counsellors. If you need professional help, and with how you described your wife and her family you might, please do it. However if your are looking for just our opinions, this is your place. I can only comment on what I have read, and I still say RUN,RUN,RUN, to a lawyer. You need legal advice in your state. The family law is written in favor of the woman. You know what is best for your child and do what it takes to raise your child in a safe, healthy, secure place. Protect your rights!!! and learn from your past mistake, never trust a woman for birth control.

I think it is EXTREMELY inappropriate for anyone here at EP to tell you you shouldn't be married. This is a place where experiences are shared so people can find support.



If you look around, maybe you can find a group titled "I want to make my marriage work" or something like that where you will receive more positive help, and encouragement, instead of being told you shouldn't be married.



Regardless of whether or not you "should" be (and excuse me, but who the **** decides?), yo are and it sounds like you want to honor that commitment and honor your child the best way you can. Maybe it will not will work out, but you owe it to yourself, your child and your wife to try, if that is what you want.



Best of luck!!

First of all...bottom line....you made a child take care of him. Reading your story, Get the hell out. Contact a lawyer now and do not let your wife or her family know. Protect your rights with your son. Just because your wife has a ***** does not make her a better parent. Take your son and raise him. Remember knowlege is POWER...

Marriage is a LOT of work (I know this sounds very cliche, but it is true). You are young, so it is harder. If your feelings of wanting to make your family stronger and be with your son everyday are stronger than your feelings to party and hang out with your friends, then seek counseling. I firmly believe that if you WANT a marriage to work, it will, but, again, it is a LOT of work and takes a lot of time.



Good luck.



(Also, you can be married and still have time for yourself and activities that are just for you~in fact, it's healthy for both of you to do things that make you happy individually, then you will be more able to be happy together.)