Where Did He Go?

For nearly 20 years, God was the most important part of my life.  I taught Sunday School, led worship, and shared with many people that God was real and He loved us.  I used to feel His presence, like He was really with me, and that was a big part of why I felt loved.  Sometimes, I asked questions and felt like I "heard" an answer, and that was a peaceful thing. 

Four years ago, it all changed.  Suddenly, inexplicably, I felt alone.  I heard nothing. 

I heard a sermon once that compared feeling far from God with being lost in the woods.  If you're lost, you stop moving, and start to cry out.  Your Father will come find you right where you are.  I had already been crying out to God, but after hearing that, I did so all the more fervently.  I repented of anything I could think of, including many things that aren't even sin.  I read the bible all the time.  I kept going to church, even though I felt isolated, different from everybody else, and an observer on the outside looking in.  I continually asked for prayer.  I did everything my Christian friends suggested, even going as far as having them try to cast demons out of me.

While I was trying so hard to make some contact with God, my other friends were thriving without me.  They weren't struggling at all.  They were excited about God, full of joy and peace, and not sure why I wasn't the same way.  They wanted to help, but couldn't.

Then one day, I went to my church sanctuary on a week night when it was deserted, dark, and empty.  I sat there, in the dark, and had an honest talk with God.  I told Him that I wasn't sure that I believed in Him, and that I thought it was time to say goodbye.  My heart was broken and still is.  I've tried going to several other churches, but it still feels the same, and I grieve the person I used to be, and the person I am now.
FaithHungry FaithHungry
36-40, F
4 Responses May 20, 2012

Are you sure you didn't do something that was sin against God? Did you become lukewarm or wrong him in anyway? It's strange to think that he would just left for no reason at all. There has to be a cause.

Thank you for asking, ProudHeroUser. Yes, I'm absolutely sure that there was no sin on my part to cause this change. You can read more of my story at faithhungry@blogspot.com.

Thank you, Mozart7, you are very kind. I've experienced the same, with friends not being close anymore, and also, my doubts make me feel different from them.

I to have been were you are now,and did so meany things for God. I still love him and still believe, but it seems something is missing. I been miss understood, question are ask about my walk. My friends are not close any more and I feel like an outcast and not loved by people. I KNOW WHO STILL LOVES ME AND WILL NEVER LEAVE ME,HE MADE A PROMISE. I will like to let you know God is still with you, and when you have peace about somthing he is getting ready for an open door, somthing new just for you and your gifts. Hold On!! hugs from a friend

I think maybe GOD want you to go and see what's beyond the church !!!