I Dont Believe In God But I Miss Him.

I grew up with great faith. I really loved and believed in Him. In high school i went through a traumatic experience where i almost died but i loved God so much i didnt even mind the idea of me passing so young because i had such great faith in Him. Now, I cant make myself believe in God anymore. Every day, for the past two years i have grown farther and farther away because he doesn't make logical sense to me. Now, when i look, everything in Christianity seems contrived by our human nature. I dont feel God in church unless i fake it. I dont believe in the bible anymore for the same reasons - it all seems contrived.

Who am i to judge whether there is a god? I still go to church most Sundays; other than my loss of faith, i feel the same. I have always felt nothing but what i have tried to make myself feel. I have never felt His presence - just hoped. I dont want to turn my back on God but i dont know how i can continue, except without faith. Then i ask myself, why would God send me out blind? The depth of my being longs to be in communion with the God i grew up with, but i cant let myself jump back in... Growing up, the reason i loved the christian church was because it was the light. God's word was the truth among the darkness. I believed not only because i grew up with it, but because logic descended from it. Isn't that what God is, truth? Logic was founded in The Truth that is Him. What do i do now that i dont see God as truth?

Im rambling but this is how i think. I dont mean to be long-winded. I'm just lost :-/
jquigs jquigs
22-25, M
3 Responses Apr 12, 2011

Just saw this because I'm in the same situation and have been looking for comfort.

When I was a young kid, until I was 16 or 17, I really believed in God. I prayed a lot and really loved Church and the experience of a Mass--the music, the art, the people.

When I got to college, I studied philosophy and read the philosopher Daniel Dennet, and concluded that God doesn't exist.

I know rationally that God is made up by people, and that belief in something without real evidence or proof is probably harmful to me. I also know that it must be possible for me to somehow fuse my old experience of religion with my atheism. But right now, I just feel this big hole in my life where my belief in God used to be. I am an imaginative person and used to have all sorts of vivid dreams and visions of God and the saints, and although they weren't from anything but myself they were very beautiful. I used to feel like I had someone to talk to even when I was completely alone. And I used to feel like there was someone making sure the universe, somehow, was just.

Now I feel so lost. I am visiting some churches in Europe now with my father, a staunch believer, and I miss going into a cathedral and feeling like there was something very great and real behind the awe I feel. I find it very hard to trust people, especially myself, and since I hate most of my thoughts and feelings (I feel my brain is responsible for the depression and eating disorders I've struggled with) I find it horrible to imagine that all the things I thought came from God actually came from my messed up brain.

I hope I find a way out of this, and anyone who is having this struggle.

God is a very good and comforting 'story' made up by humans. I, like you dont believe but I have a scientific version of God - nature, humanity (the good bits) and hope. If you think about how humanity has tried to overcome rascism, gender inequalities, murder and abuse....we have not fully succeeded but the fight for equality in itself is a scientific God and its preachers are those who embrace it. Hope this helps! :)

I'm there with you... I pray every night for faith. I went to catholic school for my whole life. I struggled with faith on and off... but I know when I was young I had faith as well. I wonder why now that I am older I have such a hard time finding it. <br />
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-I guess I can deal with having doubts in the church... and Christianity... I know there are so many things that can easily be debated. I think my struggle comes from the fact that when I was younger I had a strong belief in the "Christianity version of God" and now that I am older I can't view God in that way. I guess I believe the lowest form of God is an energy... I debate on whether or not this energy can help my life... but I pray to him nightly. I guess I feel like at least God gave me faith at one stage of my life. I also say I was younger and it is a lot harder to believe as you get older.. there are so many people who look down on people who have faith in God. <br />
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I feel misunderstood because people who have full faith just tell me to pray about it. People who have no faith try to convert me away from the belief in God, which I want... and they cannot understand why I want it. <br />
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--I guess I want that feeling of security I once had. <br />
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I've been debating this for a few months now on why I feel this way...<br />
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When I was younger I understood less things about Christianity, I had less problems, and I had less fears. The older you get you learn more knowledge which contradicts faith, unfortunately. <br />
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God is the "light" is a concept that fuels my belief. I believe (if there is a God which I hope there is) that God literally is light... he is light energy. The energy of pure light is the most powerful thing in the world and scientifically they say everything came from "light/energy" and we are all created from this energy. I think God is a part of everything... I think trying to feel connected to people, the world, and creativity helps.<br />
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You can't MAKE yourself believe in God. It'll just happen... I think it's important to find things to believe in... I think I felt the most lost when I believed in literally nothing.. not myself, dreams, goals, family, friends, I went through a tough time and believed nothing and no one really mattered. --That's the furthest from God and the world you can get. It's important to find faith in other ways as well. <br />
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I wish I could tell you how to get your faith back, but I struggle with the same thing.