I Miss God
He and I used to be tizzight. Like, we were buddies. Nigh inseperable. He was always there when I needed Him. Granted, I used Him- I would fade from the relationship, then return, then fade again... But He never left me. Then I COMPLETELY faded. My depression got the best of me, and I lost faith. Cutting and self-pity controlled my life, while my Savior was shoved to the side. I missed Him so badly, but I'd made my choice and it seemed there was no going back.
Now, three years later, I feel Him again. Not always, though, and it's different- the relationship has matured. Even though I didn't properly communicate with him for three years, even though I chose dreadful things over Him, He stayed. And we still had a relationship, it was just one-sided.
Slowly, ever so slowly, I'm getting back to the way it used to be. There are still a great many issues, but there is progress. Subconsciously, I have indeed chosen a lot of things over Him. Once I get the rest of my issues fixed, once I am completely cured, it'll be perfect.
So... Does that mean I'll never be okay?
