The Way It Used To Be...

 He and I used to be tizzight. Like, we were buddies. Nigh inseperable. He was always there when I needed Him. Granted, I used Him- I would fade from the relationship, then return, then fade again... But He never left me. Then I COMPLETELY faded. My depression got the best of me, and I lost faith. Cutting and self-pity controlled my life, while my Savior was shoved to the side. I missed Him so badly, but I'd made my choice and it seemed there was no going back.

Now, three years later, I feel Him again. Not always, though, and it's different- the relationship has matured. Even though I didn't properly communicate with him for three years, even though I chose dreadful things over Him, He stayed. And we still had a relationship, it was just one-sided.

Slowly, ever so slowly, I'm getting back to the way it used to be. There are still a great many issues, but there is progress. Subconsciously, I have indeed chosen a lot of things over Him. Once I get the rest of my issues fixed, once I am completely cured, it'll be perfect.

So... Does that mean I'll never be okay?

lwys lwys
2 Responses Oct 22, 2009

That's beautiful. I finally talked to Him, just last night in fact, and it was neither an apology nor a request- it was like we actually had a conversation, and it was awesome. What you wrote fits that exactly. I'm learning to trust again.

I hope that things are going better now!<br />
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That is true what you said about a one sided relationship, I've been there too. What you wrote made me think of this:<br />
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"The commandments of the Lord are right, bringing joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are clear, giving insight for living."