More Than Anything

every time i see the words angel or writer or her name i look and pray that it is her. I hated how we ended things . I was a horriable person in the end. I should of treated her better , treated everything better. I put my life on hold becuase i wanted to make hers better. I still do want to improve her life and my life. But i am realizing from church and some deep deep thinking time with myself that some times she didn't want me to fix things or be the knight in shinning armor she wanted me to listen and just comfort her. I was a horriable person back then and i don't know why i changed but i know that i do not want to be like that anymore. One of our biggest fights was for me to go to the doctor or to soak when i was in pain. Yes she had to force me to go in the tub. I didn't want to be a bother. While after talking to some people at church . ONe was a Rn and the other was a fibromaylgia suffer. I could possibly have fibro. I go to the doctor wednesday and i am bringing a friend. I miss her. I am realizing that sex isn't everything. I miss her kindness and her hugs. I miss how she would listen to me rant about my day but i was not a man that would do the same.i am changing and i am evolving. Yesterday at church they were talking about depression and how it affects your life and i thought about everything that you went through and that some of the things that happened the after affects i mean. The way you behaved and coped were normal in a sense. Every time i log into ep and check my text messages i pray that it is from you. I so badly wish i had a second chance. I wanted things to be different . We rushed things too fast and while i say that is my fault becuase i found the women that i loved and someone that loved me. I admit this. I love you. I love you more than every fiber in my being. Days that i cannot walk or move i still imigine you encouranging me to get up. I let the bad B come out. I still go to bed thinking of you and thinking of when we first started dating. I wanted to repeat that. I need to learn that money is good but not to try and buy happiness . i.e. flowers or that toy you want. I love you and i always will till the day i die. *crying - tear rolls down cheek*
witheverstepifail witheverstepifail
18-21, M
1 Response Jul 26, 2010

Dear, there is a lesson in here for you. I read your ex story was first to help her out by commenting to sooth her pain. You screwed up big time.. Now give some time for healing..