Reversed Fool

Thats the tarot I got one day. Some say tarots are silly... But Reversed Fool could be the title of my life thus far. Trial and error so you don't screw up jn the future. Well. I still can't decide whether or not our relationship was a screw up. I was mean and you softened me although I hurt you sometimes. But you persisted until you had my attention emotionally and in every other way. Two years and eight months into the relationship, you leave me for another girl. You say Im too pessimistic just out of the blue. Never mind the fact that I always smile around you. Never mind the fact that I had been SO happy and you got the best of that. No. You decide to leave me for a girl you really hardly know. What you do know is that she's rich and pretty and is excited about EVERYTHING. I cried for sixteen days every day. Randomly. Words, breezes, and thoughts would bring in the tears. I was pathetic and vulnerable and I knew it. After talking and getting much anger out, you and I somehow got back together. I loved you even harder and if something bothered me, sometimes I'd hide it, trying not to be too petty. I said you'd do it for me. And that you had reasons to be tired although I'm the one with the super busy work schedule while you spend most of your days after school on your ***. But I wanted to be with you and be happy and I was. Fast forward to our three year anniversary. Thank God, we made it right? Well... You were on your way home from NYC. you had made the Macy's Amerixan Band. I was so proud although I was bothered because we couldn't talk. Heck, I even posted a question about it. The general consensus was that i was being selfish and i kind agreed so I didn't even mention it to you. You let me meet your gradparets and things were going great. Then right after our anniversary I notice you made some friends. I didn't mind. I noticed a lot were girls. I didn't mind although I was worried and asked questions. I'm not the jealous type and I don't want to smother. But then... I saw you typing all the time (when you were with me) how you weren't. You'd lie and say you were doing homework at your housewhen you were at my house. Things like that. That's what started it. You refused to tell the other girl about me. You said you were "a different person in NY" although you say you didn't cheat. So idk what the hell you mean by different. Worst of all was the hypocrisy. I tried to be honest and tell you how I felt politely but firmly. I was uncomfortablewith you lying about our relationshipto another girl just like you got mad when you thought that other guy was flirting with me because he didn't know about us. But tht wasn't even the case. You think you can get away with anything. It's always my fault. Not only do you did you dosuspicious things around other girls but you wouldn't even admit it. Instead you'd downplay it and my feelings. You didn't know how to stand up for me or our relationship. It has left me sad but really angry. You insisted that I give you back my anniversary gifts and you'd give me mine back which is so hurtful and immature. You don't talk to me or show any sign of regret. You're no good for me although I loved you with eerything I could. Everything. I will never love so easy again. That's sad to me and it hurts. But I'd rather be miserable without you than have that false bliss with you. So I guess now you're the fool, and ,yes, I'm the reversed fool. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me."
deleted deleted
26-30
Dec 7, 2012