Still Can't Believe I Cried Like A Girl

I married the most thoughtful man ever; everyone I know was jealous of how much he spoiled me.  Flowers for no reason, jewelry, attentive, took care of the children, etc.  Since his accident 2 years ago and brain injury, I really miss the little things, like getting a birthday present.  I always appreciated what I had when I had it, I just really miss the old him and his thoughtfulness.

These are not things I really dwell on . . . life goes too fast for that.  At work the other day one of my counterparts was telling me that someone told him he should send flowers to his fiancee since they just got engaged.  He told me they've been together for over 3 years and he's never sent her flowers.  I was stunned - NEVER?? - and it really brought to mind how thoughtful my husband was.  I told him to send her flowers for no reason because it would blow her mind.  He asked me if I ever got flowers for no reason, and I got up and walked out of his office without a word.

There is no crying at work.

There is no crying in front of the guys.

So I headed to my office, locked the door, and shut the blinds.  Cried like I haven't cried since his accident then went home for the day.  Can't believe how hard something that small was for me to accept when all the big things are routine.  But it is the point of the knife.  If I accept the point the knife is going to cut me.  Too many things have changed and I understand they have to change, but it doesn't make it easy to accept.  I want my old life back, I want my old husband back . . .they're gone and won't return.


sassyg1rl sassyg1rl
46-50, F
6 Responses Dec 6, 2009

I appreciate your comments and pov....My husband has since left me.

Is he in a vegatative state? Can you go be with him? Is he with you, but different and nonresponsive? I don't get flowers. My husband nearly died from hypertensivecariomyopothy in 1999. He's different. We can't have sex. He is impotent, partially. Two times in the last 3 years. I am thankful he is alive. sometimes I miss the sex, but not as much as I thought I would. I cannot comfort you. No one but you can do that. Crying is good. It releases bad protiens, or something like that. Bye

no offense but the little things shouldn't matter if u waste ur time dwelling on little things like that then what does that show to others? i dont get flowers from my boyfriend anymore like i use to because he is gone on deployment and i use to get them all the time when he was home for no reason got them at school, work, and even sent to my house a few times, but do you see crying about it. no iam more worried about if the love of my life is safe and not dead some where in iraq. it shouldn't matter how many times he sent you flowers for no reason but what should matter is that he is alive and still with you. be thankful for that. because right now iam thankful i still get the emails in the morning just saying i love you. or the 3 min phone call i get when he is in battle and the letters i get a few months out of the year telling me he is okay. i may not be married but i kno what it is like to miss the guy you fell in love... i hope you don't take this message the wrong way..

I'm so sorry for you missing all those things. It sounds like your husband is one that most men couldn't measure up to. I'm glad you had those good years together. Many women never have had the things you have lost.<br />
I feel for you and what you are going through. I hope life continues to bring you little precious moments from somewhere. He is lucky to have you, especially now!

I can imagine how you feel. We, all of us on EP, should send you a nice bunch of flowers.

It's okay to break down every now and then. Sounds like it was overdue. BEst of luck!