Still Can't Believe I Cried Like A Girl
I married the most thoughtful man ever; everyone I know was jealous of how much he spoiled me. Flowers for no reason, jewelry, attentive, took care of the children, etc. Since his accident 2 years ago and brain injury, I really miss the little things, like getting a birthday present. I always appreciated what I had when I had it, I just really miss the old him and his thoughtfulness.
These are not things I really dwell on . . . life goes too fast for that. At work the other day one of my counterparts was telling me that someone told him he should send flowers to his fiancee since they just got engaged. He told me they've been together for over 3 years and he's never sent her flowers. I was stunned - NEVER?? - and it really brought to mind how thoughtful my husband was. I told him to send her flowers for no reason because it would blow her mind. He asked me if I ever got flowers for no reason, and I got up and walked out of his office without a word.
There is no crying at work.
There is no crying in front of the guys.
So I headed to my office, locked the door, and shut the blinds. Cried like I haven't cried since his accident then went home for the day. Can't believe how hard something that small was for me to accept when all the big things are routine. But it is the point of the knife. If I accept the point the knife is going to cut me. Too many things have changed and I understand they have to change, but it doesn't make it easy to accept. I want my old life back, I want my old husband back . . .they're gone and won't return.