And All of His Imperfections....

Just as I thought I was getting over him, that damn song brings everything back to me.  And, I'm afraid he still has my heart.  Maybe not all of it, but he still has it and I know I need it back...but I don't want it back.  I want him to keep it and to protect it like he promised he would. 

I miss that sexy, perfect scar on his face.  I miss staring into his eyes and just knowing that he loves me.  All those perfect words he said to me.  Those cute, mocking faces he made when we made love.  The way he gently took me by the hand and led me outside where the most amazing thing happened.  The way he stopped me from pleasuring him and silently laid me down on the floor and entered me. 

Listening to him cry over the phone as I sat in the airport, waiting to return back home.  How he said he didn't want me to leave.  I want it all back.  I want to go back to that time and freeze time and never leave. 

I just want to forget it.  But I can't.  And my heart is breaking all over again. 

CuriosityKitten CuriosityKitten
31-35, F
13 Responses Aug 12, 2008

Thank you.

You will and are surviving and healing. It angers me that he hurt you.

You are amazing, thank you.

I believed my ex when she said I will never meet any bloke that is half as good as her, I believed her whilst she was conducting an affair. <br />
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I believed that whilst fighting for access to my children that I wasnt half as good as her. <br />
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Today, I believe, I have complete control of my life and I am second to no-one. I miss my chideren extraordinarly loads (even after 5 years). Today, my feelings are more like my children expect me to be a King, but I am me, how can I dissappoint them when I see them, your parents are meant to be super ?<br />
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Sweetie, go on from here and make a life. Every person has the capability of love. A strong attraction and utmost love is not necessarily the good basis of a relationship. <br />
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In my case, ended in disaster after 20 years, lust & love. Compatible ? Sex yes, relationship wise, no. We werent friends.

Sweetie, your welcome. I'm agoraphic and social phobic (and I am not unattractive) due to this. <br />
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NEVER plunge into the depths of darkness that I have. Keep your head above water and believe what you tell yourself,<br />
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Sweetie, get strong and go out ther and have fun, do it for me.

ithinkimmad....thank you. It helps knowing that others know what I'm feeling, that there are people who are willing to share their experiences with me to help me through. I appreciated all the support so much.

Sweetheart, I am new to this forum but can totally empathise with you. <br />
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My own relationship broke up after 20 years and even now 5 years later, occassionally I still miss that woman.<br />
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It does get better but its a gradual process. <br />
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If you have never loved, you will never know what it is like to be truly hurt and to be mortally wounded. However, like all wounds that are not physically mortal, the pain dulls and becomes a memory for you to learn from and to progress within your life.<br />
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Dont let this be the end of your life.... let it be a new beginning.

I love you all, my online family!! Thank you so much. Hugs to you all.

Oh, are beautiful. Your words (and Iggy's...LOL) made me smile. Thank you.

It is getting better, sweetie...healing hurts. And it may not feel like it, but your tears and your sorrow is how you let go. Cry until the crying is done. You're getting there, I promise you. Having a hungry heart is a gift and a curse...from an Iggy pop song: "Sometimes my self-respect took second place, and then I cried for love...if you cry for love, then there's still a chance you'll get it, cry for love." You and me both, honey. But we are the chosen, the seekers, the people who have it in them to find their way. Thank you for sharing yourself so honestly. I respect your courage. Love...

Justme....thank you. You honestly touched me. Thank you so much. My family here at EP are truly beautiful people.

I thought I was getting better. But it's always these tiny things that spark a memory and then it goes all to hell again. But, I'm appreciative of your support. It helps to know there are people out there that care.

Thank you so much for saying that. I just can't seem to stop crying over it.