The Pain Never Goes Away

I too miss him.  I miss seeing his beautiful handsome face and curly black hair especially in the early morning.  I miss his funny redneck sense of humor.  I miss being able to have a conversation and have him hang on every word of the conversation.  I miss sharing my daily every day life and all that goes with it.

I miss him disagreeing with me and always expressing his opinion.  I miss him telling me that we were going to go camping and that he would show me the time of my life.  I miss his streetwise always protective way of looking out for me especially when we were out and about.

I miss him kissing me and just looking into my eyes.  I always loved seeing him in his element of fixing cars.  He had hands of gold in that he could fix any type of car that was broken down. He always looked beautiful to me even with grease on his face.

I am in such terrible pain over his absence in my life.  I don't understand how he could walk away and never look back.
I will never get over this as the pain ever goes away.
mysweetangelbaby mysweetangelbaby
56-60, F
6 Responses Jul 30, 2010

Thank you Roxanne. It is wonderful to hear of other's experiences and how their lives moved on. I am hopeful that I too will turn that corner and feel better.<br />
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I hope to talk with you soon. Bev

Bev / Megan<br />
it is good in a place like this that we cam out pour our emotions.<br />
There is always someone out there who has experienced similar experiences and emotions.<br />
I lost someone a long time ago when I was young.<br />
She was the love of my life but we were forced apart.<br />
It was so hard I spent 18 months in a daze. Life went on around me but I had no enthusiasm.<br />
She was the absolute love of my life. Ive loved other people over time. I've been married twice but no one came close to her.<br />
I'm so lucky now in that I have found someone who even surpasses that first true love.<br />
It's better to have loved than never loved at all.<br />
Keep faithful and good luck.<br />
Best wishes<br />
R

Thanks so much for sharing. It is truly comforting to have someone truly understand the hurt and pain. This is my first falling in love in 22 years...so I was overdue.<br />
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Ps I am 61 he was 45.. lol<br />
<br />
Bev

My friends were tired of it too. I think when I bottled up my emotions about the breakup I actually became more explosive towards others. All I wanted was for someone to understand, to give me some comfort. <br />
And yet, every time I encountered him, I took a ton of steps back, too. Not that there was any progress, or so it felt like it, but seeing him or hearing from him made me drown in the reality of things. <br />
Time has allowed me to review the past with wiser eyes. I believe when people encounter heartbreak they have to figure out the change themselves. I learned this lesson the only way:the hard way. But I think having a patient, comforting audience makes the pain bareable. For a long time I looked around me and noticed only happy people, a stark conrast from my daily mood.<br />
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Keep expressing your feelings outwardly. Sometimes seeing them on paper or some other physical, tangible form is constructive. Plus, you can literally see what you are feeling. <br />
<br />
My ex and I do not talk anymore, in fact he completely ignores me which hurt at first but later it helped me move on. Do what you think is best for your heart when it comes to communication with him. Maybe a dose of him is good every now and then. It is up to you.<br />
Haha I know the last time I ever spoke to my ex it had been a year after we broke up and he came in the store I was working in. Sadly, I was still suffering from him but I did not miss him. I was more curious if he was the same guy I was attracted to in the first place. We were crossing paths when I saw him take a sharp turn in another direction. I called out his name and walked with him. We talked like we did when we were together, but it was like my standards had changed. The conversation and the style of it didn't satisfy me some how. I was more humorous while he was still seriously into himself. Plus, he was bald; I always was a big fan of his dirty blond fro. I relapsed for only a day and then laughed for weeks at my dreary hibernation away from the world.<br />
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I wish you well. God is always with you. I know He was the only one who heard me cry when I really needed to.<br />
<br />
Megan

How sweet and kind of you to respond to my outpour of pain. Thank you for the advice. My friends are sick of hearing me talk of him. I hope in time, that I can heal. It seems like a setback every time I even get a text back from him.<br />
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Thank you. God bless. I hope we can be friends.<br />
<br />
Bev

I am sorry. I understand your pain. <br />
<br />
But I want you to know I have lived through the hole in my heart caused by the loss of another... even when I didn't want to. I cannot tell you how many people told me it will take time to heal. The loss, the emptiness, the draining hole will heal itself. <br />
Don't give up. The future looked bleak without him, but my breakup with another taught me life has not given up on me.... and life has more to it than just love for another. <br />
I do not regret my miserable experience till this day. It felt like forever till I finally started to see the sunshine behind the clouds. I'm a sturdier woman because of it, and I appreciate the life all around me because of the two years I spent completely lost in my own misery. <br />
If anything, don't stop making memories for yourself, new memories. Live.