So Long So Lost

Once upon a time I knew who I was... my values, my strengths, my *****. I have long lost that me and I miss her dearly. I'm but a shell of my self, years gone by have taken what I once loved most about me. I no longer look into the mirror, I avoid pictures, shadows, thoughts of what I have become and go to my dreams for the days lost... my youth, love for life, confidence. I was a leader now I am led, not only by others but by my monsters who hold me, take me, stifle my creativity, happiness, dreams.

I've become just another someone, no longer standing out, no longer speaking up, no longer taking charge. Breathing only to survive... Where is the quality? Give me one day of true happiness and I'll gladly shorten the ride. Going through the motions, sick, stressed, sad... so very pathetic. I need, want, live for more; more dreams come true.


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away” ~unknown

... I miss me

mysplitpersonality mysplitpersonality
36-40, F
10 Responses Aug 6, 2009

Things happen beyond our control and although we cannot go back and change the situation, we can change the way it effects us. I'm working on that, on letting go of the negatives that I find myself harping on and moving forward. Not proficient at it by any means but it's a work in progress...

I lost me. It was a sudden , awful loss. My husband , my soul mate , the man that meant more to me than my own breath, molested my daughter. I shattered. I didnt drink. I spent 2 weeks trying to drink myself to death. HOW could I have not seen this? It has been 10 years, and I stilll have no answer

Hey, this may not help much, or it may help you start again. <br />
Do something just because you want to. Doesn't matter what it is. Rinse, and repeat. Forgive yourself for letting some things slide as you do this, and wonder at how good it feels. Remember what it is to be in awe of something - a gorgeous sunset, sunrise after a party, ... Anything. The light on that tree over there...<br />
Just, try it ok? <br />
Keep us posted somewhere, if you feel like it :-)

Some can't go away, so you have to change what you allow them to control. Two things life has taught me:<br />
<br />
Noone has power over you that you don't give them.<br />
<br />
You can't control what comes at you, you can only control how you react to those things that do come at you.<br />
<br />
OK, its not an insto-cure, but those two things can help a lot. It helped me take control back and keep pushing forward bit by bit. Feel free to PM me, I'm a good thought bouncer ;)

...some monsters never go away though...

I lost 'me' at one point. It was a slow loss of me, and I didn't notice it was happening until I was gone. I wouldn't have let me slip away had I known about it.<br />
<br />
But when my 1st wife left me I was left as a shell... broken, hurting, and floundering for purchase in life. <br />
<br />
I realized what I'd lost and I fought to find it again. It all came back, the confidence, the laughter, the smiles. It took time but I found my lost me. It wasn't easy and I had to fight off the monsters and keep my resolve.<br />
<br />
It wasn't all a loss though. I learned quite a bit from the losing and the gaining back. Your 'Me' can be found again. You will come out of this stronger and better capable of protecting your me in the future. Nobody will be able to take you away again, or cast you off like scraps from the table.<br />
<br />
Sounds like you know where your monsters are... now its time to kick em in the 'short and curlies'.

Luv ya darlin'... MMUUAAHH!

Okay that made tears fall... thank you darlin'... thank you

how i wish we could chase those monsters away, MSP. (((hugs)))

Yes you do need to find you and then youll be happy!