She Still Makes Me Cry Sometimes...

In the beginning of my 8th grade year at lunch, I met a girl who changed my life. Her name was Elle, and she was a 7th grader. The first time we ever talked, I had this feeling that she was different than anyone else I'd ever met. She was such a deep thinker, yet so kind and understanding. The first thing she ever said to me was "Are you in 8th grade?" and I'll NEVER forget it. She had so much more to her than most 7th graders I knew at the time. So, almost instantly, Elle and I started hanging out constantly. We'd walk to all our classes together, even if it meant being tardy nearly every day, and talk constantly. I knew ever since I'd first met her that we were very opposites. Elle was a lot less of a girly girl, and I was far more talkative, even though she talked a lot too. It wasn't a problem for quite a few months, and was something I totally disregarded. For that whole school year, we were best friends, the kind that had about 500 inside jokes that confused the crap out of everyone else lol! She even wrote me a card the day before my graduation. It was filled with all of our jokes, and so creatively put together. "I knew you would love it. I worked on it really late last night, just to make it perfect," she'd said. I was nearly in tears, knowing someone was THAT willing to spend their time on something for me. I still have that card, and it now makes me cry, not in happiness. You'll find out why soon. Anyway, we continued to be best friends through out the whole summer. We would go to eachother's houses and talk on the phone ALL the time, nearly every day. Even my parents loved the girl! She gave them the best impression when they met her! Like she does with everyone, it figures. So of course, they encouraged our constant talking and hanging out lol! So anyway, that August, I slept over at her house for the first time, it was actually our first sleepover, and it was AMAZING! We were so hyped up about it lol! We slept in her backyard in a tent, just to be adventurous, and it was one of the best times of my life. We stayed up talking and laughing obnoxiously until five in the morning or later! So obnoxiously, in fact, that her older brother Ray heard us from the kitchen lol! It was then I felt we'd never grow apart. How wrong I was. The next day, we were exhausted, but went to my house and hung out even more. Then, our friendship started to suffer that October. I was at her house one time, and we were listening to music REALLY loud, and she wanted to turn it down, but I kept slightly turning it up. That was the first thing that irritated her about me, but it was small, so we were still okay for awhile. It seemed that throughout November and December, our friendship took a turn for the worst. She began talking to me and calling me less, and soon I was the one doing all the calling. We still had our good times then, but I was beginning to question why she was talking to me less and becoming quieter. So I asked her what was up, and she told me the truth. It hurt so bad. SO, SO SO BAD. It still stings my heart. In a facebook message, she told me everything. She said that I started acting vain, self centered, materialistic, and also mentioned some of the words I said that annoyed her. No, they weren't swears, but more like little slang code words I used. She also mentioned certain times I offended her, and I couldn't believe I had NO CLUE! I cried violently, and almost hated myself. I told her how sorry I was, and we even made up one time, but it still got worse after. Then, in one facebook message, I said "If it's God's will, we can still be friends," and now I find that really is the truth. She almost seemed to outsmart me sometimes, taking all the pride she could in correcting my "self hating" messages. I almost hated her on the inside by now, but it was almost like I still couldn't. We'd been through too much. Then, the convorsation that did it. A few days after that Christmas, she actually got MAD at me for the first time. Like, a side of her I'd never seen before. I asked her who she talked to, and she was like "that's personal," and I typed "fine, i don't really care anyway. I was just wondering," and then she was all "No, I think you DO care. Liar." and we got into a little bicker IM fight. It pained my heart with everything she said. I was crying, and it began to show through my messages. Finallly, she started to feel bad and told me she'd pray for me. I'd told her that I was who I was, and I couldn't change myself, and neither could she. Ever since 6th grade, I'd tried really hard to fit in, because I was picked on as the new kid in 5th. And that really changed me, permanently. Even my physical appearance today would probably be different if it wasn't for being ridiculed. She understood, and showed me the kind of "outer friendship" sympathy from an ex friend. It was really hard for me, and still is to think about it sometimes. But Elle showed me the truth about myself. I really could be kind of materialistic,  vain, and conceited/selfish. I began trying to be a better person, but not just for her. We haven't talked in almost a year at all as I type on my MacBook now. But honestly, I'm okay with it now. I know I'll be fine without Elle, even though I still care about her. I can't hate her. It's almost hard to call her my ex best friend, even though that's exactly what she is. But I've asked the Lord to help me, and He hears. I'm becoming a stronger person, and maybe THAT was God's will. If you ask God to help you with something or give you anything, he's not just going to give it to you. He's going to give you an opportunity to do so, and that's exactly what happened, even though I didn't realize at the time. Elle was God's way of showing me who I was becoming, and I thank her and Him for it. So, I'll never forget you Elle. I hope your having a nice life, as I am. Just because I deleted you from my facebook friend list doesn't mean I deleted you from my heart. Thank you Lord

Shopaholikk77 Shopaholikk77
18-21, F
2 Responses Feb 28, 2010

I know what you mean! Elle and I were only friends for about a year though, but it was one great year! I know she still cares about me, and I still care about her. When she said she'd pray for me and hoped for the best, I was ready to cry! Sometimes, people change, and there's just not much you can do about it. So I hope for the bst with you and your friend, God bless you!

Thank you for writing that story. Right now the same thing is happing between me and my best friend, I'm also the older one. We have been best friends for seven years. And now, since she started middle school, so much has changed.