Am I Just Torturing Myself?

God I HATE nights. Laying in this damn bed without him next to me is excruciatingly painful. This is absolutely the worst part.
I lay here, and I think about all the good stuff because it makes me feel closer to him. But then I feel a longing and a loneliness that hurts in my soul. I feel like someone has reached inside of me and pulled out my heart. And incarcerated it. And it honestly hurts physically as well as emotionally.
Maybe I should think about the bad stuff. Maybe I should think about how he lied to me. Made me so many promises the last time we went through this.
But I can't make myself be angry with him. I miss him too much right now. Does that make sense?
I just wanted my family. Together. I wanted him to watch our little girl grow, together. I wanted to go to bed every night in his arms.
hiswifey16 hiswifey16
26-30, F
Nov 25, 2012