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Boyfriend In Jail

My boyfriend has been in jail for three weeks already it may not seem like a long time compared to a year and I would thought I would have got used to the fact he's gonna be in there for a while and I'll be strong enough to keep on with my life without him. However, things turned out different. I've gone visit him four times already and those have been the best days of my week, at home and school everything seems boring. I've been experiencing signs of depression since am losing interest in many of my daily activities. I'm the type of girl who'd love to go out and party, dance, drink, do good in school, go to the movies, you know, just have a good time...but things have turned different now. I find no interest in any of those things anymore and all I want to do lately is be home and wait for the next visit day to come where I could go see him even if its for just one hour. That hour means so much to me being able to look into his eyes tell him I miss him and I love him and hold hands, feel his lips against mine, see his smile and hear him laugh. I can't help crying every time I remember all the good moments we have. We've gone through so much, I see couples walking down the streets holding hands, and when I see two people kiss...I get this unexplainable feeling and I remember when I had that with him out here in the world. It all happened so quick and unexpected I know hes in there paying for something he did wrong...But it hurts and I just hope he comes out soon. Am trying my best to keep my head up and stay strong for him but it seems everyday that goes by my efforts decrease and I become weaker. Its not the same him being in there I only get to see him 2 times a week for just ONE HOUR. Thats nothing compared to the times we'd be iming each other online the whole day (on sidekicks) Or the moments we spend out exploring the world together. We've had our share of arguments but managed to work them out. He can't be there for me as how he was before because now...When am feeling down or going through a problem I have no one to go to...I became so attached to him I got myself separated from many people and lost many close friends...He became my only close friend but I dont regret doing that because he never left me alone and was there for me sometimes till 5 in the morning trying to make me feel better. lonely. When no ones around I cry, I wonder if he'll lose interest in me...get tired of me but feel like he has no other choice than to stick with me...Do you guys think this will happen? I feel theres other girls out here better for him...I mean theres no girls in jail so obviously he wont find interest in no guys...But I just feel he might get tired of me or am not good enough for him and I don't know...I think its worth waiting for him a year or maybe two...

Does someone have any ideas on how to deal with my depression problem?
Do you guys think he'll lose interest in me?
Is it worth waiting for him for one year?
I have so many questions unanswered.
My mind doesn't function as well lately...-_-
Any advices, ideas, comments?
MiszOreo MiszOreo 16-18 317 Responses Jan 24, 2008

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Girl the best thing you can do is pull your head up and live your life on the outside. Visit, write, whatever but you still have other oblagations too. The time will go faster if your living your life.

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Hi all,
You most probably all think im crazy but my partner is currently on remand in prison awaiting a admission hearing of where he will plead guilty or arson with intent. Unfortunately the arson was against me so im the victim :-( I have to add he has never so much as raised his voice to me and this is down to a mental breakdown as he suffers with bi-polar. Because im the victim i cant see him at all which is killing me inside all i want to do is visit but im not allowed and his court hearing isnt untill March which will then be 3 months since the incident. I genuinely dont know how i am going to get through this. I know i shouldnt feel sorry but as i said he has never hurt me in our 3 years together :-( How can i get through this x

Everthing u just wrote is everything I'm going thru its like I was readying a book about myself 😭😞 ugh I feel you just keep your head up girl an keep fighting for ur love

Hi. This is my first time ever putting my emotions out here, here goes.
My man of almost 2 years got caught for robbery & started his 18 month sentence today. Preparing for this was so emotionally draining. I know I signed up for future pain and loneliness. I would not have committed myself to him if I didnt believe in us. Theres going to be holidays & birthdays that we miss with one another and I cry because I miss him so much. It has been only 8 hours since he had left. The lawyer even said us ladies feel like we suffer more than they do while they play cards and meet new people on the "inside". Meanwhile were stuck in the real "world" trying to mantain our lifestyle. Trying to eat, pay bills, smile even when it hurts. I just got off the phone with him and it was a 5.00 call for 15 minutes. Never has 15 minutes gone by so quickly. If I can suggest anything it would be to go to work, pick yourself up and be there for your man. They may all not admit it, but they miss us and would undo their mistake if they could. As everyone tells me "keep your head up", whatever.

Whoa, $5 for a call? That's insane. Hosted Numbers is a way for you to save a bunch on calls. You'll have to google it because I can't post links. That's ludicrous that they charge so much.

Me and my man have been together almost 2 years, and more than half of that time, he's been locked up. He got out and all this bullshit happened, and then he was on the run and got arrested once again two nights ago, on dec 30th. This time, though, he's not going for a few months. He has AT LEAST a year to do. Every single thing reminds me of him, I love him so much I don't know what to do. I know it gets easier, cuz I've had to deal with him being in for months and months, but now that I know its gonna be at least a year it's so much harder. Since he got arrested two days ago, all I have been doing is lying in bed literally the entire time, even though it was New Years! I don't have ANY friends either, he was my one and only best friend so I have literally no one to talk to about this. So happy there is someone I can relate to. I need a distraction, but idk what to do. I forgot what it's like to be alone. Any advice? Really glad to see the relation other people have though.

Hey Morgan,

Distance can be tough. I know phone calls can get expensive, but if you use HostedNumbers (google it), you can end up saving a BUNCH.

Hey oddly tonight I am experiencing the exact same situation :(

I am hating this time around its the worst ever haven't touched each other for 4 months and I visit him thru video its horrible. He is looking at 3 years and I am jot dealing with it well at all

Oh no, that's terrible. Stay strong, you can do it!

Wow this ish happens to a lot of ppl, huh? Mine went away July 23rd 2014. Im going kinda nuts when the jail goes on lock down and i dont get my phone calls as usual. Its been really hard. One thing I did though in the beginning is not ask how long hes looking at or what its for cuz I dont want to know what amount of time he's looking at. That's cuz it will haunt me, I've made my decision to stick by him so it's easier not knowing how long it will be. It could be 2 more wks or 2 more years. But If I know I will want to run and Ill be counting the days.

I'm in the same boat!! My babe was sent to prison in 2012 and hopefully will be released in 2017. I miss him everyday all day!! I only get to talk and visit him once a month he was just moved about a month ago to a new prison and he has to work his way out to population. This past month has been rough. I find myself laying in bed all day thinking about him. I to have no friends to talk to about this. I find comfort in reading religious books (Islam). If your love is strong it will withstand the test of time hold on to your good times and look forward to more when he is released!!!

If the cost of calling him is what keeps you form only calling him once a month, I suggest you check out hostednumbers (google it). Some state charge unfair prices for long distance calls and we help fix that by getting you a local number.

Thanks for the info but where is he only gets 1 call a month

:( sorry to hear that

Ya eh I like what you said about if your love is strong. Its damn hard emotionally though, and I have friends but I dont like bringing it up because I feel weird like Im being taboo or something.

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My boyfriend has been away for 2 weeks now and I'm waiting to hear his sentencing in a couple of weeks this has been the worst 2 weeks of my life I can't stop crying I can't even speak at times does this get easier?? Please tell me it does

You will get through this, you can do it.

It does get better whatever better is!! If this is your first time doing this there is a lot of crap to come so be prepared. If u have been together a long time, they get really different inside. They love differently they have to be spoken to differently by us.

..we all go through the same crap. They get really insecure and not trusting they hear stuff in the background that isn't even happening. ..they are constantly thinking you are up to no . good and just for the record I have been with my man for 2 years on the street common law and I still have to stop the car and ask complete strangers who's in the car with me because he doesn't believe I'm alone.

It also gets very expensive to keep your mans canteen stocked up it isnt cheap or easy having him away and usually we are all they have outside and so they depend on us. My man is big boy 6ft 2 230lbs and he eats alot and his canteen is like 200.00 a month WHEN I CAN DO it. They find ways to hussle inside but sometimes its up to us so make sure you know about Canteen cuz hes gonna need it.

I wanna write a handbook for loved ones trying to cope with their loved ones locked up....I have been thru so much with jail and my guy im a fighter I advocate for him all the time
So if u ever need someone or have question u can always message me im not sure if we can out our phone number on here but I would be willing to talk to u any time I believe in compassion and helping through our own experiences and this is the 3rd jail bit ive done with my guy but circumstances this time are way worse than ever thats why im not . handling it well. This is also the LAST TIME for me

this seriously hits home right here. in 2009 I met my first love, we were 12 years old and we started dating on Jan. 1, 2010. It is now about to be 2015 and five years later I am still madly in love with this guy. 5 months ago he did something very stupid, and even though he messed up I am the only person other than his dad that is there for him. putting money on the phone and going to see him every Sunday has been really hard for me, I love him so much and I catch myself crying at times because I just miss him. I can't talk about it with my friends because no one just understands how I feel or what I'm going through. I might be a little younger than most of you but I know I love him. I can't imagine being with anyone else. his sentence right now is 15 years, and $25,000 bond. I keep telling myself things weren't suppose to be this way.

I hear you girl same situation

Word on that!!!!

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My fiance was arrested Aug. 19 and he got sentenced 2 weeks later for 4 yrs. but those first weeks where really hard because i hadnt talked or seen him at all only the first 3 days i was able to talk to him for 15 min or so. but once he got sentenced i didnt hear from him until Sep18 when he was finally housed so i do know what you all are talking about it is hard when you have gotten used to seeing that one person everyday and then one day hes not there anymore it truly hurts that all you can do is find a way to distract your self i ended up getting a new job to kill as many hours of the day to be able to save as much money as possible so when he does come home we are not struggling and he can be confortable in his own home thats my advice to you distract your self as my fiance say do what you have to to live your life because no matter what we are both serving this time i maybe be in here and you arre out there but we are together in this we both are hurting all i ask is to respect your self and to respect me as well. and that is truly all we can do respect each other. it will be hard on some days but take the time to dwell in it then keep on going dont hold it in thats not good for you. like me fiance got transfered and i wont be hearing from him for at least 4 months thats so hard i was only able to hear from him for 3 weeks everyday so i cherished to calls everyday because you never now when the next one will be. we need to be strong and pray to god that your man is doing well. write to him as much as you can if possible.

Ugh prison sucks. I wish they understood that human touch is so important and communication is key and they take that **** away like its a bad thing :*( I need to hug my man so bad :( been 4 1/2 months

You are doing a good job keeping it together. If the cost of long-distance phone calls gets to be too much, check out HostedNumbers (google it). They will help with the fees.

The only thing I never realized is that Im doing the time too, thanks for pointing that out. Ive been relying on him to help me with the phone bill he's very resourceful, but your right I should show him what I can do to hold it down financially and make sure everything is fresh when he gets out.

I like this response you go girl ♡♡♡

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My boyfriend was just recently arrested two days ago...its really taken a toll on me...weve been best friends for two years and have been together for a year. He is my soul mate...he helped me get and stay clean from my nasty habits...weve been living with each other since the day he asked me out....its hard going from being with the love of my life every single day for the past 379 days having to sleep alone, well I haven't slept for the past two nights and its very very upsetting for me...he has court on the 14 and I'm praying to god every night that they don't take him away from me....please any advice on how to cope with this would be much obliged.

I had this happen in the last few weeks. On October 14th, I found out that we were expecting; my first, his 3rd. On Oct 18th (Sweetest Day), we were pulled over, held at gun point, and he was arrested on a felony capias warrant from 2007 while we were 5 minutes away from a fall festival. He was meeting my parents and sister for the first time then we were telling everyone the good news. He never made it. At this point, I don't know what to do. The shock & humiliation of telling my family directly afterward was one thing. But now I'm left to take care of everything, myself/our baby, all the logistics that he can't tend to. I need help. Someone, please help me.

I understand what you are going through. My boyfriend has been in jail for a month and we don't know the outcome yet. We have been together 15 years and I feel my life is gone. My visits and calls keep me going.

Keep it up. If you want to save money on phone calls, use HostedNumbers. You can sign up online and save a lot on the crazy prison fees.

if the love is real you should know boo im going through the same thing and if its real the love never goes change ETC... be strong

Reading all these responds give me some hope, my love has been down 4 months. He was sentenced to one year in prison. I get to visit and sometimes call but I can't help but think if I'm bringing myself down because of his mistakes. We've been together for a long time but this is his second time in prison, idk if I should just move on to someone who has some real goals In life or wait and see if maybe this time he'll get his life together. I'm in my 20's in college, my friends tell me I should find someone with my same goals but I can't help but love my bf way too much to give up. Any advice?

Hey if you love your man you wouldn't ask this question. Most of us girls stay solid faithful hold it down ride or die with our men, so questioning whether to move on is NOT AN OPTION. Jail life isn't for every one nor should it be, but ur man goes down u don't bounce on him...not if u love him

Keep it up. If you want to save money on phone calls, use HostedNumbers. You can sign up online and save a lot on the crazy prison fees. You can also sign up for the affiliate program that gets you $10 for every person you refer.

My boyfriend went to jail about a week ago. I'm away at school and he called me to tell me that he was about to get arrested and that he'll see me soon. My heart dropped and all I could do was cry. We recently started dating at the beginning of the Summer, but we are so close to each other already. It's already hard enough being away from him while I'm at school, but now it's going to be even harder. I know I'll talk to him like once a day, and see him once a month. Now we are waiting on the court date to see what his sentencing will be. I know I'm at school, but that's stressful enough. Knowing that he's in there and I'm out here is killing me. Anybody have any advice on how I can cope with the situation?

Hey girl!! Im sorry to hear that! And yes it is a very difficult thing to go through! My boyfriend will be in jail for two years in December already:( and he still has a couple to go! I must say its the hardest thing i have ever had to deal with in life! No one understands unless that person is going through the same thing!! The best thing to do really is to keep yourself busy! It sounds hard and not helpful maybe but it definitely is the way to go to keep your mind busy and away from so much pain for at least a bit! I was like that the first few months i cried myself to sleep:( every night! But now things have gotten better and i get really sad on just my emotional days (time of the month) lol.. With time you will cope with the situation and get used to it! I really hope he doesn't get a lot of time and wish you the best!!:) u can talk to me if you ever feel like you need to! XOXO take care girly!

I just commented on the other girl post I'll just repost it here- I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and he has been dealing with legal issues for over three years. This month he was sent away, October 6th and it was the hardest thing. I couldn't be there at his sentencing because I had an exam in university. He ended up being sentenced to 5 months in jail however he is appealing the decision. He is only going to have to serve 100 days on good behaviour so he will be back into my life the middle of January. He has been in holding this hole time 4 and a half hours away and they don't allow phone calls because I've tried and they told me I can't until he gets transferred. Also they only transfer people once a week, and they don't know when its going to happen because the place they are transferring him too full. I'm so upset, I just want to talk to him and know he still loves me.I know he does love me but the fact of not talking to him or seeing him. I know this is just for a short time but it feels so hurtful, I just feel lost. I'm trying really hard to stay on tract with school but he's all I can think about. …… Anyway you seam to know what its like to deal with this, I know mine isn't as long as a time to wait and you have years. however I wouldn't mind having something to talk to.

Hello there!:) now that is horrible!! I cant imagine not talking to my bf at all! I would go crazy!! He only gets certain amount of minutes per month soo he calls me every other day for only 15 min seems soo short! And yes even though your boyfriend's time isn't as much as mines i still know what ur going through and its very hard! I've been depressed for like the past two days! It gets to me here and there i try to focus on other things but since im not working right now cant keep myself as busy:( is he in federal or state prision? Im sure he still loves you!:) this is when they need us the most! And its awesome that ur willing i wait for him! Your showing him how much u love him! And he will appreciate this his whole life:) just think about how this will only make you guys stronger! In a couple months you will have him with you! Thats amazing! I would love to talk to you too! Were going through the same thing!!

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and he has been dealing with legal issues for over three years. This month he was sent away, October 6th and it was the hardest thing. I couldn't be there at his sentencing because I had an exam in university. He ended up being sentenced to 5 months in jail however he is appealing the decision. He is only going to have to serve 100 days on good behaviour so he will be back into my life the middle of January. He has been in holding this hole time 4 and a half hours away and they don't allow phone calls because I've tried and they told me I can't until he gets transferred. Also they only transfer people once a week, and they don't know when its going to happen because the place they are transferring him too full. I'm so upset, I just want to talk to him and know he still loves me.I know he does love me but the fact of not talking to him or seeing him. I know this is just for a short time but it feels so hurtful, I just feel lost. I'm trying really hard to stay on tract with school but he's all I can think about.

Keep it up. If you want to save money on phone calls, use HostedNumbers. You can sign up online and save a lot on the crazy prison fees. You can also sign up for the affiliate program that gets you $10 for every person you refer.

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My boyfriend has been in jail for 3 months, has 8 left. Feels crazy without him, but I think I'll be fine due to the fact he didn't get much time. By this time next year he will be home. Stay strong, don't give up on your daily activities because that will make you focus more on your loneliness rather than letting time pass by. Good luck!

My boyfriend has been in jail for about a month but he hasn't been sentenced or actually charged with anything. He was kicked out of his mental health court for some bullshit reason, so basically he could have his probation revoked and be in prison for 5 years, or nothing at all could happen. Not knowing what's going to happen is driving me crazy. I see him once a week and write him but some days I miss him more than usual and I cry because I can't touch him. I don't want to be with anyone else, I love him so much and I'm really scared. I could wait a year for him, but anything more than that... I'm not sure if I could keep my sanity... I only see him through a screen, which sucks, but every time I see him or get a letter from him its like everything is okay. When I feel sad, I read his letters or listen to music. Going to hang out helps a lot too. Don't surround yourself with people who will try to tell you what you should do, you want to be around people who will comfort you. Do what you want to do. The perfect guy isn't prince charming, he's not going to come on a white horse and whisk you away. Sometimes the perfect guy is the one who doesn't seem perfect at all.

i understand you so much but if you love him like you say you do then stick by his side because if you don't you will just end up regretting it. My boyfriends currently locked up as well and i don't get to see him twice a week, actually i only see him once but anyways just make sure you support him and stick by his side and he'll realize that you are the best out there for him. stay strong and good luck!
ps: my boyfriend is facing 6 months and he has an upcoming charge which is way bigger than this one so I'm sure it'll all add up to more than a year and regardless I'm deciding to stay by his side.

My Boyfriend has been in Federal Prison for 4 years already with 1 year left. Its extremely hard considering they moved him from Missouri where we both lived to California. So I haven't even seen his face other than pictures. He is only allowed 300 minutes a month on the phone && they can only have 15minute calls at a time. He can email but with the screenings its almost impossible to have a conversation. && he has a limited amount of minutes on that too. But I know I have to stay strong for when he comes home && save damn near every penny I make to make sure he has eeverything he needs when he comes home September 18 2015. Only advice I can give, is Dont lose yourself while he is gone. Do what you have to do for you && your rrelationship.

I'm going through the same thing right now, I feel the exact same way, I'm not even allowed to visit my boyfriend because we're both under 18 and its the worst feeling. I have no friends to be there for me anymore, and I always feel so lonely, but i promised I'd wait for him so hopefully I make it through

My son's father has been away for two weeks and it feels like a years. I have terrible anxiety as if I was the one locked up and I can't stop crying. Stress is effecting my health now. Any advice

Try to think about your son, stay strong for him as well as his father. It may not seem like it, but if you distract yourself time flies! Before you know it he'll be home.

My boyfriend has been in jail for 6 months and the day came which they sentenced him to 10 years in state prison I feel so sad I just want to go to sleep and wake up in 10 years when he is free I feel so sad I want to give up I don't want to go to school or nothing I have the support of my parents I am just 19 years old and I hate that my boyfriend has to go through that

I feel the same way but I promised him forever so I'm sticking with my promise but I sit on the couch all day and just cry my eyes out I wish I could talk to someone who is going thu the samething

Same here having your other half ripped away from you is the worst feeling in the world. Its been a month how can i possibly survive 4 more :(

Im going thru the same thing ill talk to u

I know how you feel, I want to be with my man for a long time. And his currently in jail right now, he only has 2 weeks left but he has to go to another county because he also has another warrent there so he might be in jail again for another month. It's tough but all I do is pray for him cry every night and see him on visiting hours as much as I can.

Hey i just joined am here reading all the post trying to find someone who might understand what am also going though. Am i can totally relate to you.

My bf have been sentenced to 5 yr in prison in the uk. Lucky there time is served as half the sentenance.

I almost a month now and i haven't heard a word from him i have sent numerous of msg with is brother and son but he haven't sent any msg with them for me.

The problem is we dont live in the same country and it very different for me to visit. I love him dearly. I have cried so many times. The distance and not hearing from me is killing me.

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I am feeling the same way. Mine just got 2-4 yesturday. He only just went upstairs where he cant make free calls n my car went down the same day he went to court. I have an autistic son who only can communicate with him. I have no one n

Hi I know what you're going through but you have to stay busy otherwise it will bring you down you also got to read your Bible and pray to the Father above some things can only be changed by prayer and fasting but you got to believe and expect God to move as long as you are sincere and whole hearted to Him.I know it's not easy caz I'm going through it too n I FM's know when he will be home.

I wish I knew what to do to, Hell it's been 4 days and I'm completely falling apart. It was I woke up and he had been arrested while out. Its so unbearable to sleep in our empty bed, to not have my other half. To feel my life falling apart because even in a room full of people I'm so alone without him. I don't know when he is getting out and I don't know how to go on without the only person who's taken my depression from my mother hemorrhaging to death in my lap 2 years ago away. I just don't know what to do.

What I have been doing, is making myself busy. It seems when i hang out with other people it just makes me feel worse. So im alone alot, but i try to read books, paint, take walks. It's almost been 2 months for me, and trust me it gets easier. It still hard as hell but it does get easier. It's also good to know other girls are going through the same thing. I know exactly how you feel. On top of that i jumped a fence and i ripped my palms off..had to get surgery. All with him being in there. Theres so much going on right now. You will be okay, try to think positive. Before i wasnt eating, couldnt move. I looked so sick, it took a physical toll. But im alot better now. I hope your boyfriend gets out soon, take care <3

My boyfriend has been in jail for about a month now, my lawyer says i can't even talk, visit, or write him. They are trying to charge him for something huge and hes innocent. I used to spend every waking moment with him, we are eachothers first love. We could finish eachothers sentences, laugh like crazy, talk for hours etc. Hes the love of my life, and im his. It's been so damn hard without him. The depression is killing me. I can't even cry anymore, i just stare off into the distance. That's the worst. Im a walking wreck, and i can't even let it out. He's all i think about, and nobody wants to hear it. Especially guys. I feel so alone, and he's really torn apart too. The only thing i can do is talk to his mom everyday and she tells me what he says. The pain is insane, i have never hit rock bottom like this before. It's like i can't enjoy anything anymore, im just this dead person who doesnt want to talk or have fun. Waking up is the hardest part, because i wonder if it was all i dream then i realize it was not. Now im finally crying writing this, but it is comforting to know that other women are going through the exact same thing. I just want a hug or to cry in someones arms. I miss him so much, i know when he get's out nothing will change. I'll hold it down for him, and he is waiting on me. Just the waiting is hard, it's like you can't live life anymore. Watching couples on the street...damn. Just remember everything does happen for a reason, god has a plan. No matter how ****** up it is, we will get our man back. Once he comes back we wont let him go. I know i wont...this sucks so much. Im always thinking "why us?" but it just happened. Stay strong, after reading all of your experiences, makes me feel better. We are not alone, I'll try to remember that everyday.

Hi I'm new here. Why can you talk to him.

Because when they arrested him they found cocaine and ****, a week later they charged me with it because i wouldnt talk to an investigator. wasnt even mine such bullshit. but apparently it would look bad if im still involved and all that, what my lawyer told me. but idc anymore i visit, talk and write to him constantly now.

I can truly relate. Sigh. Its really hard. We were planning on starting our family, getting married we were so happy and one day everything was ripped from my hands. He got 5 yrs 2.5 uk time. But we live in different countries and i cant even visit. Its killing me. Its a month now and i haven't heard a single word from him. Dont knw wat to do. Depressed