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Hes So Sad I Can Tell...

hi, my names mellissa and im 20 years old. my boyfriend and i met in september of 2010. when we were first hanging out, we partied alot and all we did was hang out with friends and get drunk. then we ended up falling in love, and i started caring about what happens to him more and more. so we decided no more drinking and everything was perfect. he was in jail from feb 2010 to august 2010 for a felony dui he got when he was 17, hes 19 now. in december he was driving home from probation ( hes not supposed to be driving, he has a suspended license ) and a cop tried to pull him over, well he ended up bailing the car on a side street and running threw the woods. then he called me and i had a friend go pick him up. from that point on i started preparing myself for him to go to jail. he ended up getting arrested on january 3 2011 just 2 days after my birthday. its been really hard on me. im going to wait for him, but he writes to me and tells me how all the guys in jail are telling him how all girls are hoes and its really getting to his head. i love him with all my heart, and its so hard to see him in this situation. all i can do is tell him how much i love him and care about him. he doesn't know how long he will be in jail yet, but he has an 18 month suspended sentence. its going to kill me if he gets 18 months, but he will be eligible for parole after 9 months. i hope to god hes ok in there, i haven't been able to visit him yet, because i dont have an id, and none of his family has gone to visit him either. im just so sad and i miss him. this is by far one of the hardest things ive ever had to deal with. i would really just love another girl to talk to about this.
mellissaxo413 mellissaxo413 18-21, F 6 Responses Jan 27, 2011

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Wow you girls are defensive...my bf is in jail right now but I know it's his fault he's in there...and so does he. Luckily he can and will change. I'm not going to continue being punished for someone else's crime. I love him to death but if he can't stop doing what he did to get in there in the first place (dwi) then he doesn't love me as much as I thought. It's great you guys are sticking by your men..no one said otherwise. If you know they will change, go for it! That's why I'm waiting. But I won't go through this again and for even longer, it's just too depressing. Good luck!

Dear 1985Lost1229 -- I am not at all Judgmental and I never said that anyone was a bad person. I said he was trouble, and if your guy is in jail he too is trouble. That does not mean either of them cannot get their lives straight. It does not mean people should not give them new chances in life. What it does mean is that people do not usually end up in jail for no reason. They end up in jail because they broke the law, got caught, probably received bad advice from someone, and probably got screwed by the legal system -- but if they had not done something wrong and gotten caught in the first place, they would not be in jail. The reason I say they are trouble is because most people who end up in jail did so because they had a drug or alcohol problem, had a problem dealing with authority, or got mixed up with some friends who led them down the wrong path -- and they willingly followed. Most people who end up in jail suffer from poor judgment. It may not be their fault, they may have learned it from parents, or lack of parents, but they somehow lack good judgment, take risks they should not take, and "have bad luck," that they create for themselves. <br />
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Yes, unless they are hardcore bad guys, they deserve another chance, they deserve someone to love them. BUT, unless and until they fix the root cause of what got them into trouble, they will end up in trouble again. For you, mellissaxo413, and other women in the same situation -- you are being hurt by these guys and if they do not get themselves straight, they will take you down with them. I am sorry, I wish I were talking out my @ss, but I have too much personal experience and knowledge of this and whether you believe it or not, I am trying to help both you and your guys.<br />
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Some of these guys are really nice people and good friends or lovers. I know because I have had some in my life. Unfortunately, often because of things that they may have had little or no control over, they are people who trouble seems to find, even when they are trying to get straight like you say your boyfriend was doing. If you are going to have a relationship with guys like this, you have to be the one to exercise good judgment, restraint, and good sense to help keep them out of trouble. They need someone's help. But being that person is not easy. In fact it may be the hardest thing you have ever done. If you are not prepared to be the one to say no, the perpetual "party pooper" nay-sayer, and goody-two-shoes that they need to help keep them out of trouble, you and their lives will remain miserable until something or someone changes dramatically.<br />
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I wish you all the very best and honestly hope that things work out really well for you all.

hey.. i read ur story and i def am feeling ur pain and loss... my man has been locked up a few times now AND NO LICKITYSPLIT that DOES NOT make him a bad person... my man was really cleaning up his life getting outta "the game" and making changes, but unfortunetly people like to run their mouths, and it led to my door being kicked in and his arrest... he had some weed on him and now because of a prior pending case he wont be getting out anytime soon... we are waiting for his next court date in april and he is talking about taking it to trial which i pray he doesnt.... my whole point is my man had previously been in trouble YES, BUT he is NOT a bad person.. he allways was going out of his way to help others.. hes been in me and my kids life going on 4yrs and he has been AMAZING with them... there own father hasnt done nearly as much as him.... I am the one that was with him everyday... therefore i TRUELY know him... he lived in my house we talked about everything!!! people fk up n make mistakes... its the judgemental ppl in the world that hold back the "fk ups" from trying to better themselves.... there is hope for EVERYONE!! its all about patience understanding n jus being there to support them... my advice to u is if u love ur man than stand by him.. i know its hard trust me im goin thru it.. but u cant let ppl like lickitysplit bother u.... lickitysplit doesnt even kno ur man never met him n never will... it is clear that we can put lickitysplit in the JUDGEMENTAL category.... so sad!!! u kno ur man tho!!! u were the 1 there with him.... n ur not on this site 2 get ur head checked ur on this site cuz u love him n are looking for support so OBVIOUSLY u kno hes a good person and in the end thats all that matters... N as 4 u lickitysplit i think ur in the wrong group because EVERYONE here has a boyfriend that fkd up!!!! so i guess we are all a bunch of lost causes!! u need to go find a group i would recomend searching in the IM A JUDGEMENTAL IGNORANT PERSON.. maybe there u can make friends!! good luck with that.. n trust that was putting it as nice as i can u got me heated with ur ignorance!!!!

Not closed minded at all. An he not only got in trouble at age 17 but again when he broke his probation. I am not judging you. I am trying to give you something to think of and possibly save yourself a great deal of pain. If you choose not to heed the warning, its your right and you will live with the consequences, not me. Best of luck to both you and your boyfriend. I really do mean that and I hope you are right and I am wrong, but almost 60 years of experience, some of it painful, makes me fear that I could be (not am) right.

yea i said i wanted a girl to talk to not an old man. thanks, but idk why your even looking in this group...? i have respect for myself also, and just because someone got in trouble when they were 17 doesnt mean they're "trouble" for the rest of their lives. your a very close minded person i guess. can a girl my age hmu about this.

you have me mellissa i would love to talk with you when ever you needed it,see my man is in prison so i know how it is hopefully he will be able to get on parole in nov. so dont worry about what that guy has said.our bfs life arnt over there is room for change.

Mellissa -- do you not like and respect yourself? Your boyfriend is trouble, and trouble is not even waiting to happen. He seems to have exceptionally poor judgment and trouble dealing with authority. He has already demonstrated that his has a serious alcohol problem and does not hesitate to break the law. This guy is going to cause you more trouble and pain in your life than you can possibly imagine. <br />
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You should probably break it off with him now, but I know you will not do that. So, in that case you need to tell him now, while he is still in jail, that while you will be faithful to him while he is in jail and will be waiting for him when he gets out, but if he ever drinks or breaks the law again, you will never speak with him, see him, or have anything to do with him ever again -- and you have to mean it and go through with it. This is the one and only chance the two of you have of ever leading a normal and good life together. If you don't, you are both going to end up in jail or dead.