Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

We are strong enough


 I’m Struggling Too!

Today is a bad day. I wish I could say that I've never had one before, but bad days consume my life. I have no escape from them. Today is a day when I wonder… Where is the support for me

in-this-struggle?" 


When a man asks a woman to wait for him while

he's in prison, does he realize what an incredible emotional sacrifice it is? Does he realize the pain and never-ending loneliness that attaches itself to her heart and soul?  Does he realize that yes; we are in this struggle too? 


When I made this choice to do this bit with my man I didn't know what it would mean to consciously hand over the control and happiness of my life…not to my man, but to an institution. From the very beginning, my man told me that I had the power in the relationship because I was the one who was free. 


How am I free? What power do I have?  

 
I buy my clothes according to what is acceptable for visits. At anytime, I can go anywhere my heart desires, but my heart's desire is trapped within that prison compound. So, where am I going? I stalk the mailman and won't leave the house until he comes, waiting for a white envelope with that familiar handwriting that has taken the place of hugs and kisses. I check the phone several times a day to make sure it's working, waiting to hear it ring and see "unavailable" appear on the caller ID, a sight that has taken the place of the sound of my

doorbell or his car horn. 

 
I set my watch to the clocks in the

prison. I schedule my bedtime around "Count." No, I don't have any power. The phone company has the power. The prison and the guards have all the power. Today, I feel helpless and out of control.

Today surely is a bad day, and yes, I am struggling too.


Today, like most of my bad days that pass, I see a little bit of my life that has slipped away; another memory not made, another dream that doesn't come true. Another day my son wont know

what its like to have a father in his life, One more day my family is separated. One more day I'm without a real home. I am so often standing on the

line between sanity and insanity, I have to keep telling myself, "He's real, this is real, our love is real, and the end will come." 

 

Today when he called I had to fight off the urge to beg him to come home to me. "Please come home. If you really loved me, you'd find a way." Today I blame him for keeping us apart. Today I am so very angry with him. Today is definitely a bad day, and yes, I am struggling too.



A good day can turn bad in the blink of an eye, a tick of the clock, or a beat of my heart. I am on an emotional roller coaster that changes course without warning or consideration for my mental

state. It never asks permission. Attacks of loneliness, despair, confusion, and frustration hit me and consume me from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head and every crevice of my body in

between. Some bad days I want to curl up in my bed and sleep. Sleep the days away. Some bad days I can't sleep or even eat. Sometimes I have to make my heart beat and my lungs take in oxygen.

Suicide is never a thought, but dying from loneliness is always a possibility. 



Today I have no answers that make sense to me for the thousands of questions running through my head. My mind is cluttered with doubts and confusion and this makes my heart heavy with guilt and shame. How could I question the one real joy I have in my life? There are so many people who are lonely, without love and passion in their lives, so as difficult as this ordeal is, I know that what he

and I share is the most precious of all gifts.

But today, I can't remember all the unconditional love, support, and non-judgment that my man has bestowed upon me. Today I can't remember that my man is the only one who really understands and accepts me, and the good and the bad. Today, I can't remember all the desire and passion that my

man has brought out of me. Today, I can't remember that he plays no games, tells no lies, and wears our love like a badge of honor. Today, is obviously a bad day, and yes, I am struggling too!


While I wouldn't change one second, erase one tear, or forget heartache, I can truly understand why a woman would choose not to wait. The reality is that I am in prison too…I am also doing time and the only thing I am guilty of is being in love with my man.



For every one of us who stands by our man, that can endure the bad days and savor the good, there are many who can't. Many just don't even try. To the men whose women have chosen to move on, you

must always remember that there are always two sides to every story. Your women might not tell you what's in their hearts, but if you listen hard enough you can hear them. You can hear their confusion and their fear pleading with you to understand, to

forgive, to accept, and to remember…

 
Not every woman is strong enough to endure the bad days that the struggle brings. Thank God, I'm strong enough!

 
Author Unknown
kristy11000 kristy11000 22-25, F 30 Responses Jan 6, 2012

Your Response

Cancel

i love this poem soo much although I have no kids I still choose to wait for him n be with him my bae has 4 years lrft n its a struggle I cry wen I miss his calls because I wrk all the tyme but to know im not a long has really touch me n I know I can do this!! thanks for sharin

I absolutely can relate to this story of yours like it really touched my heart and made me think of my fiance and I. Iv been thier since day 1 and love and miss him so much. Some days are harder then others but I can handle this little vacation God has given us. This poem really touched y heart.

This is really good and touched my heart. My boyfriend has 15 months to go. Standing the test of time seems to be difficlt especially when my family is not supportive. My heart is in the hands of my man and I know we can make it through.

This is really good I have allot of bad days where my heart hurts and I can hardly breathe, every weekend I walk out those doors and I can't see him anymore it feels like someone just took the life out of me, sometimes I feel like I'm just going to die from the heartache every time we hang up after our 15 minute phone call that felt like only a second, my mind goes crazy when I don't hear from him through corrlinks because of some lock down that's going on, I don't think I will be able to exhale again until I'm in his arm's away from all of the wires, fences and to never hear that horrible sound of that closing door again.. Staying strong and having faith in each other and giving as much love as possible to each other is what gets us by. I can't wait till the day I get that phone call in saying come get me my love... That will be the moment I can begin to slowly exhale again... Women staying strong and faithful to their man while he is in prison is most definitely a strong woman..

I just typed in "missing my inmate" and your profound words popped up. Thank you for posting. This is exactly how I feel. Never thought inside that I could even have a choice not to wait, when he is everything to me...

This is amazing. The love of my life went to jail yesterday and will be away for acouple months. I try to keep positive and its like the minutes are like hours but he knows i love him and ill wait forever. He makes my life brighter and i make his life amazing. He called today and cried for 5 mins saying he cant stand being away from me and that just hearing my voice was a blessing. Its hard being the gf of an inmate but u just gotta live life like hes around. But im just hoping these months go by fast so we can be back in each others arms and live our life together. Hes my world and im his queen.

This really touched my heart and made my cry, my bf is also in prison for 3 weeks but in a different country, I've not been able to see him yet and I have had so many emotional feelings running through me that I didn't know if any of it was normal or if I was just over reacting. thank you I after reading you story I can see that what I am feeling is normal, my next step is how to deal with them.

Thats so good.. my Bf just went to prison 3 days ago he got 20 years for manslaughter & whats F***** up is he is innocent my heart wont stop breaking but this helps just keep your Faith in God girl you have to

Thank you so much for this. My man is currently behind bars but I felt a sudden strengthening of our relationship and bond that we have built up over several years. This isn't his first time in jail but we are praying its his last. He's made incredible strides in life and I feel so alone. I don't know who I can talk to, where I can go for support or answers because nobody here really understands or gives me encouraging words. Nobody except his own father. I have been wearing one of his shirts the last 2 days with his cologne and smell on it..it's allowed me to sleep and breathe each day. I hope that he comes home soon because the agony I'm feeling will probably leave me with bad days all the time.

... I came back to read this story because I started to feel sorry for myself.... see its been a lil over a year since I posted this a lot has changed..... Being with an inmate is hard and everyday its work. and when they get out it’s still hard one thing I have to say, trust in god stay close to him and listen to the sings don't ever lose who you are trying to be with a man behind bar or free things can change one day to the next I spent two long hard year waiting for this man and 5 months later he was right back by then I was pregnant and it killed me to think the man I love left me aging ladies be ready stay strong and don't think just because you gave him your all it will be the same live for you don't give up on your man .. because I haven’t gave up on mine but don't be fooled and think what you dreamed of is what you’re going to get .. I wish everyone the best don't be afraid to talk to your men.. or ask then question or set expectation know what you want and make it clear to them if they love you they will respect it "street life" is like a addiction it’s hard to break free from I pray for all of you respect yourself and be the best person you can be for you stay strong

Like all the others have said that is exactly how it is. I never thought of it like that but I am locked up too. Locked in pain. Its only been a few days but I can already see the change in myself. how depressed I am, I don't want to get out of bed I just listen to sad music and cry. People have told me how I always look so depressed. But why shouldn't I? My only love, strength and support is gone. But I know I'm strong and I'm going to continue to be strong and wait for my love.

This was the best way to sum up what we all are going through. All of us were told that it wouldn't be easy but it damn sure would be worth it in the end. We all just have to remember what everyone tells our loved ones that are behind those bars, to keep your head up & let everyday pass by so that it's 1 day closer to the release date. So everyone keep your head up & pray that god keeps them safe as we all make this horrific sacrifice until they make their journey home!

Wow These is So True It is Like We Be Locked Up Too. We Got No Power We Struggle the Same Or Maybe More Than They Do. But At The End Of The Day We Love Them and We Maintain Ourselfs Strong And Help Them To Be Strong Enough Too. My Man Has Bein Locked up For About 7 Months. From a 15 months Sentence. Might Come Out Before Time Maybe Not. But Im Willing To Stand By Him. Dont Matter How Much Time Or Distance.

that was beautiful and exactly how i feel thank you for sharing this helps me to know im not alone :) xxx

This was beautifully written & everything I'm feeling to a tee. Thank you for sharing. I see by the dates that your man is probably out now. Good luck to you both.

Wow I totally agree with you its crazy because I live my life like that

wow i so know and understand how you feel this has made me cry reading it :( one day it will be over and you will have him in you're arms where he belongs. much love and support to you xx

You truly are gifted with words:) The was lovely and comforting to hear... I want to thankyou for your peotry as it has made it a little bit easier to cope with this loneliness we share:)<br />
Today was definately one of those days, and to just see it in black and white, Outloud!! has now made the pain easier to deal with:) Thankyou!! I wish for the best for both our families xox

I'm on day 5 of a 3 year sentence in these 5 days I haven't even had the reception phone call I was so called promised by the prison i called. I don't even know if he is where i think he is as they wont tell me.I just want to thank you for posting that on here it's given me hope it was realistic that the bad days do happen but people like you can still be strong for the man they love. You have made me feel like July 2015 is yes very far away but it isn't impossibly far and I can do it for the man I hopelessly love just like you have done.Thank you for making me believe I can do it just like you.

that pretty much sums up my life. one minute i'll be thinking its ok, i can handle this then 30 seconds later im a lump crying on the floor. thanks for sharing

stay strong pray :)

that pretty much sums up my life. one minute i'll be thinking its ok, i can handle this then 30 seconds later im a lump crying on the floor. thanks for sharing

wow, that was amazing. every word is so true.! and it does takes a very strong girl to be able to stick by her man through it all, and be faithful.! thanks for sharing that.!

i wish i was strong enuff where do you galls get it from

this poem was amazing, it brought tears to my eyes. thank you so much for posting it x

ur welcome

thank you for sharing this poem, it truly expresses how i feel a lot of days.. im reading this to my bf when he calls! thanks again :)

That poem is so true but you can't let the situation control what good is that doing you. Yes we have our days when we wish that our loved ones was with us and we want them to hold us, even though that is true we still have to be positive. It's not easy being away from.someone you love , if they are worth it though why ruin what you have. Pray, pray Pray. God is always able to change any situation. You just gotta remain positive and keep yourself busy. Yes my man is worth waiting on if all goes well he'll be home either after the summer our by the end of the year. So I will hold on.

Wow that peom is powerfulll its literaly like 4am and I'm writing that in a letter now wow! I'm speechless.

My friend sent this to me in a email I just wanted to share this with you ladies keep ur head up becuz we are strong enuff. I only have 174 more days left till my hubby comes home and everyday I pray that I get though just one more day

You made that so clear & exactly how it is. it is hard and gets harder & i agree with everything u said. us ladies do the sentence along with the men and its so draining mentally, physically, and emotionally. i myself feel like a prisoner being trapped in jail even tho i have the power 2 do many things with my life, but right now its so difficult.<br />
<br />
But i won't let it control me, im goin 2 fight it right untill the end, untill the day he gets realised and is back in my arms, i am goin 2 be strong for both myself and my man! time can't hold us seperate forever and ur day will come as so will mine, so keep strong my lovely have faith and fight those dark days, every dark cloud has a sliver linning <3