34 Months!

i hope that you read this until the very end...& If you do, EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!! && That was life's way of slapping you accross the face!! <3 (::REMEMBER THAT!::)

Alright..Heres my story, the good, the bad, this is honest, an brutal. This is my reality everyday! I hope that in one way or another this will help you! I hope that this encourages you, gives you hope, or that it opens your eyes. This is ANYTHING but a fairy tale, I WOULDN'T WISH THIS ON MY WORST ENEMY! I don't want you ANY of you ladies to go through hell, on the possibility of a fairytale. This isn't going to be one sided, this is going to be REALISTIC!! LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES, FROM HIS! Don't see things for something they are not!! This ain't my first rodeo!!

My prince charming..
When I first met him, He went OUT OF HIS WAY to try an give me the world. I had jus gotten out of an abusive realtionship, an even though it was over with, & I hated that man, who he was, how he acted, the way he treated me...I hated everything about him, for everything he'd ever put me though..but truth was, I'd always love him. So I didn't give my prince charming the time of day, I laughed at him. The only intentions he had were good intentions, but he didn't phase me. But rather..."he was my best friend" We spent ALL DAY, EVERYDAY together! Did everything together. We were a team. 50/50. That wasn't jus how I viewed the situation, that was the REALITY of it. We truely were a team. We were unstoppable, inseprable! I cared more about him, than I did myself. He cared more about me, than he did himself. We put eachothers needs above our own! Which worked out, PERFECT, because we had eachothers best intrest at heart! We would do WHATEVER IT TOOK, to make sure the other person was happy, healthy, and safe! We didn't have power struggles, neither of us wanted to be in charge, we both wanted the same things, an we worked WITH eachother to make that happen. It truely was 50/50. We weren't jealous because we had no doubts, WE KNEW what we shared. Romantically, we both did our own thing, because we weren't in a relationship, we didn't kiss, we didn't have sex. We put eachother over ANYBODY else involved in our lives romantically, he would come an pick me up with a girl he was "seeing" an make her get in the back seat, so that I could sit in the front. It seems psychotic, an totally co-dependent, but the truth is IT WORKED!! IT STILL WORKS!! This was the BEST thing we ever could have done for ourselves, THAT'S HONEST, We couldn't save ourselves, but we could save eachother. If it wasn't for eachother, we would both be dead, or serving a life sentance, thats a FACT! It ONLY worked because the way we felt about eachother, was mutual, and EQUAL! We would do whatever was in the best intrest of the other person, EVEN IF it wasn't best for us. Typically that would be a VERY DESTRUCTIVE choice. But the reality of it was that, It worked in a possitive way, because we wanted the BEST for the other person. We helped eachother! It meant that we if it was destuctive for the other person to have you in their life, we wouldn't be a part of it, NO MATTER HOW MUCH it hurt! It meant that if we wanted to do something that would affect the other person in a negative way, WE WOULDN'T DO IT, no matter how much we wanted to. We made a lot of sacrifices to help the other person accomplish their dreams, an to seem them happy!!

My prince charming-
is 21, is in prison, he's an addict to methamphetiamine an herion, a career criminal, untrustworthy, a theif, he sold drugs, there was one person between him an the cartels, only because he owes the cartells $100,000, he's an only child, with sucessful rich parents, that are still married. he got EVERYTHING he wanted, without working for it! He was raised the right way. He graduated high school. He lived at home with his parents, in the biggest house I've EVER seen, he drove a super nice car that his parents gave him, with 1 of the best systems i've ever heard in it! He didn't work, he used an sold drugs all day.

Me-
I'm 19. I'm an addict to perscribtion amphetamines, I have NEVER done meth-amphetamine in my life! I've never been charged with a crime in my life, I DID NOT sell drugs, I worked!! I've stole once in my life in 7th grade. Both of my parents are addicts, an unemployed, My dad is an alcoholic an 40yrs old an lives with his mom! I have only 1 sibling, a little sister, when i was 14 I worked fulltime, an paid the rent for my mom, I walked home on my break to cook dinner. I bought school clothes for my little sister, took her to confrences, took care of my mom while she was drooling on herself, after she took 10 oxycottin. My parents are divorced, my mom re-married a guy who was mentally, emotionally & phyisically abusive to us, he never hit my little sister, cuz i took the blame when she did something wrong. My mom was TOTALLY co-dependant on him. My step dad punched me in the mouth, an put my tooth through my lip, IN FRONT of my mom an sister, an made me clean the house while i had blood running down my face, my mom went to work, an my sister went to my dads, they wouldn't let me leave, an left me alone with him so I ran away. When I got caught like a month later by the cops, they sent me to a juvinile lock up center for 5 days awaiting placement, then they sent me to foster care, i was always to scared to call the cops on my step dad any time before that, but this time, he finally would have gotten charged, but MY OWN MOM stood up in front of a judge, an said it never happend, since i didn't call the cops when it happened, & there was no physical evidence left, he was never charged, cuz it was his word an my moms against my sisters an I's an my mom told the judge that my sister was only 11 an would say anything i told her to say. My sister moved with my dad, an I stayed in foster care, I was 'a flight risk' so i was under 24hr supervision, an couldn't even make a phone call without them listening. I never ran away from the foster home cuz the judge said if i did he would put my lil sister in foster care. All that happened to my step dad is there was an order of protection saying he couldn't be around my sister an I, EVER! I got out 2yrs later lived with my dad an continued to take care of my lil sister buy her school supplies, an take her to confrences, my step dad said he was leaving my mom, an she tried AGAIN to kill herself, she was in ICU on a breathing machine in a coma, The hospital called me at work because my step dad wouldn't go to the hospital, an told me they needed somebody up there to make medical decissions for her, an that I was the only other one they could call, I left work an went. When she got out, she went back to live w/ my stepdad, an didn't talk to me, or my sister. I dropped out of school, cuz i worked to much. Now I'm 19 I have my own apt, that i paid for BY MYSELF, I got my apt 2wks after i turned 18, i bought EVERYTHING i own myself! I don't have a car. I work 2 full time jobs 80 hours a week!! An plan on going to college to be a defense attourney!

My prince charming an I are TWO VERY DIFFERANT people, but we work together perfectly. He has a feeling of entitlement, an I believe in working hard for what you have! He's spent the last 3 yrs off an on, in an out of jail, he spent his 21st birthday in jail, I was there for him! I'm the ONLY person to EVER write him, visit him, or bail him out in his life, except his mom an dad! He got a possestion charge, last spring, an I spent my HARD EARNED RENT MONEY to bail him outta jail $5,000 CASH!! EVERY letter he sent me while he was in jail, ALL he talked about was doing things right this time!!

The only person between him an the cartells was a VERY good friend of both his an mine, we'll call him 'bubba' So my prince charming gets out on bail, an was living with me, he asked if an old friend of his could come over, so that he could drink her liquor since he jus had his 21st bday in jail, I had known this girl for years, hated her, an ALWAYS thought she was a snitch, cuz she got my auntie raided 4 years back, but I felt bad bout his birthday so..I told him yeah. So she shows up high on meth, an has a dude with her, who's high on herion, my PC's 2 drugs of choice, The day he got out on bail, "REAL ******* GOOD FRIENDS RIGHT?!" When the dude walked into my house with her, i freaked out an said 'dudes a cop, you needa get the **** outta my house, forreal your a cop, you gotta go NOW' because while my PC was in jail some **** went down that made me suspicious of that dude, i hadn't told my PC about it yet cuz, they record what you say during visits, Sooo my PC thinks that I'm OFF MY ROCKER!! an tells me 'whoaa princess, jus relax dudes not a cop, it's all good, i swear' needless to say, i thought 'okay maybe i was over-reacting' an let it go, then this girl who i've always call 'a meth ***** informant' is texting my PC while their in the same room, i noticed by when thier phones were going off, an I snapped I was like 'ALRIGHT, you stupid *****, you got something to say, LETS HEAR IT, ANYTHING you got to say, you should be able to say in front of everybody or else you shouldn't be talkin about it' she tries to act like i'm crazy again an that she dunno what i'm talking bout, i tell my prince charming to 'give me his phone now & that i'm not kidding' so of course he does, I read his texts an this ***** is texting him askin him to get her drugs, I grabbed her an pulled her off the chair an drug her to the door an was like 'you needa get the **** outta my house now' an made the dude that was with her leave leave too, so we're outside, an she's tryna say bye to my PC an then does hand signals for Quarter Ounce out the car window, So i OBVIOUSLY snapped again, an tried to run at the car, to beat her ***, but my PC grabbed me before I got all the way there, an she pulled outta the parking lot real quick. I told my PC why i didn't trust that dude who I call 'a crackhead cop' an 'the meth ***** informant' he told me that he'd known her his whole life, an that he was POSSITIVE that he could trust her, but he wasn't planning on getting in trouble anyways.
I was making mistakes without realizing how serious they were, I was un-intentionally drastically affecting his future, by doing things I shouldn't have. Being an addict myself, an becuase of how severe my addiction was, Sobriety wasn't an option, an I didn't think it was fair that I should have to suffer cuz he made a mistake, I decided it was HIS OWN fault that he couldn't get high, an that I shouldn't have to stop, jus cuz he couldn't. Truth was..I COULDN'T not get high, even if i wanted to! my PC is an addict too, so he understood that, he put his own best intrest aside for mine, an didn't want me to have to suffer thru withdrawls an be MISRABLE, jus cuz he couldn't get high. HE TOLD ME IT WAS OKAY!! So i got high infront of him. IGNORANT MISTAKE! Anybody who's ever done drugs, knows that being high on methamphetamine, is ALMOST IDENTICAL to being high on perscribtion amphetamines. So even though I wasn't doing the same drug that he was addicted to..IT WAS THE SAME THING!! I crushed pills up in front of him, an justified it in my own head, by saying..these are prescribed to me, I'm supposed to take these, it isn't the same as going out an buying meth, Meth is dirty, an these come from the pharmacy. At this point i truely was OFF MY ROCKER!! But that REALLY IS how a drug addict thinks, they convince themselves that they aren't in the wrong, But worse, They REALLY DO BELIEVE IT! If ANYBODY could understand..He could. ANYBODY in their right mind would NEVER forgive me for something like that, getting high in front of him, is jus like I stuck that needle in his arm myself..HE DIDN'T BLAME ME, HE WASN'T MAD! ...HE UNDERSTOOD!! He DIDN'T get high, He stayed drunk! On the 6th day..our friend 'BUBBA' called an asked me if i would call the bail bonds man, an ask him to help me out, since I was friends with the bondsman, an got discounted bonds, an then co-sign a couple bails for him, He hadn't missed court yet, but had court in 3 counties that over lapped with court dates he had in other counties, so he knew he'd miss them, so he wanted to bond out before he did so that he didn't have to deal with the hassle of getting a warrant later. He was a very good friend of mine, we had an off an on relationship for a long time, an i cared about him alot..So i didn't question once if i would help him or not! So I called the bondsman an talked to him, 'BUBBA' was already out on bond in MULTIPLE counties with MULTIPLE other agencies, for serious charges. NO BONDSMAN IN THEIR RIGHT MIND would even consider posting another bond on him, under these circumstances, an due to his history. I wasn't even 21 (a huge no-no) & i had no colladeral, No credit, its unheard of to let someone under 21 co-sign ANY bond. I was already the co-signer on a $50,000 bond for my Prince Charming, which I DIDN'T have the income to cover in full if he didn't go to court, an the bonds man knew this. 'BUBBA' needed bond in 3 counties, totaling over $130,000 in bonds, All VERY SERIOUS felony charges, an he sold drugs so he had couldn't prove any income of his own either..The bonds man was my homeboy, an allowd me to co-sign an posted ALL THREE bonds for 'BUBBA' ...'BUBBA' came an picked me an my PC up. NEVER ONCE did I think about what I was doing to my PC I brought him around 'BUBBA' the guy he delt drugs with, a very good friend of his, the guy he got high with everyday..It didn't cross my mind..So we drove to all these differant counties, an I co-signed. Then 'BUBBA' wanted to hangout with us for a while, an we went to his real house, he had 4, but my PC an I were the ONLY people in the world who'd ever been to his real house. Without hesitation I agreed that we would go to his house to kick it. I played with the dogs an ****** around on the computer, while they fixed one of the cars, then the inevitable happened 'BUBBA' said 'I'll be right back, i gotta ****' but grabbed his freezer bag fulla meth off the table in the garage an brought it in with him...My PC an I were the ONLY people 'BUBBA' trusted, It was obvious that he brought the bag with him not outta distrust, but outta respect for My PC an didn't want to get high in front of him..THEN **** HIT THE FAN..my PC says.."he's taking forever, ima go check on him" I told him no, an he said "look i want you to trust me, i know you dont want me to get high, but i CAN’T help it, trust me that everything is gonna be okay, I LOVE YOU, ALWAYS HAVE AN ALWAYS WILL, THAT’S NEVER GOING TO CHANGE..but i HAVE to do this, so please dont be mad at me.." I SNAPPED THE **** OUT, i said, "I can't believe after everything ive done for you, your gonna throw it all away an get high, I SPENT MY RENT money on your bail, MY CABLE JUS GOT DISCONNECTED, Your a grown *** man, if thats what you want to do, ******* DO IT, but if you get high your needa get your **** outta my house, an go back to your parents..AN I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!!" 'BUBBA' walked out an heard me yellin' an told my PC "bro she's right, you don't need this ****, you dont want it, it ***** everything up, it will ruin your life bro, i care about you man, your my boy, you know i got you, ANYTIME, thu thick an thin, WHATEVER YOU NEED, but she’s right an i cant give you nothin man i'm sorry" so my PC OBVIOUSLY got pissed off BEYOND belief, jus like ANY addict would, an started snappin on me, I didn't want to fight with him anymore, I couldn't handle it, I started crying an said "alright, look me in my eyes, an tell me the honest to god truth do you really need to get high that bad?" he said yeah. I knew he wasn't lying, so i went over to the freezer bag, grabbed a handle full of shards of meth, an threw it on the table an said "you needed to get high that bad huh? thats what you wanted? it means more to you than anything else right? Who gives a **** if i'll never forgive you right? **** MY RENT MONEY, OR MY CABLE, YOU JUS NEEDA GET HIGH..HERE GET HIGH!!! **** IT, **** EVERYTHING I'M DONE!!!" then I thew a pipe at him, then a lighter they landed on his lap, I was HYSTARICAL, an all I did was whispher "I PROMISE YOU..I’m NEVER going to forgive you for this, I hate you, ONCE a piece of ****, ALWAYS a piece of ****" an I started walkin away. 'BUBBA' slapped the pipe from his hand it broke on the floor an said "BRO I'm NOT letting you do this ****, WHY YOU GOTTA BE SO HARD HEADED, WHY DO YOU GOTTA PUT HER THRU THIS **** AGAIN MAN?" then he looked at me, for the final decision.. I said, "if he wants to get high, hes GOING to get high, FUCKKK IT!" 'BUBBA' asked if I was sure...I told him, "I can protect him from EVERYTHING ELSE, but I CAN NOT SAVE HIM FROM HIMSELF...**** it, jus go get him another pipe dude" 'BUBBA' grabbed him another pipe, an looked at him, an asked him if this was really what he wanted to do, my Prince charming said "I'M SURE" WITHOUT hesitation!!!! 'BUBBA' shook his head disappointed beyond belief then handed him the pipe, an let him smoke as much of the dope as he wanted to, for free as always..but NEVER ONCE hit the pipe with him!! He jus watched him in disappointment, smoke for hours straight an never said another word about it..then we all jus carried on as usual, like nothing ever happened, we never brought it up again.. We both knew, he didn’t WANT to get high, he DIDN’T have a choice! It sounds like an excuse, an that he really could have never done it, but if you’ve ever been an addict, then you understand, that HE REALLY COULDN’T HELP IT! We all hung out for hours, laughed, rode the 4 wheelers around, reminisced, an had fun, jus like the ‘old days’ after about 6 more hours, ‘BUBBA’ dropped us back off at my house, my Prince charming, stayed we went to my neighbors, an drank, had fun, he was singing songs to me jus like he always did, then my abusive ex called an wanted to talk..I agreed, I hated that kid, would always love him, no matter how much I didn’t want to..sooo I told my prince charming, I would be right back, I had to go take care of something, I told him to stay at my neighbors, he asked who is it? I knew better than to tell him, he asked who? I jus walked out the door..my ex was walking around the side of my apt building, an my PC walked right past us, my ex asked who that was, I told him I didn’t know, he said I was full of ****, but I swore I didn’t, THEN my PC started tryna open my door with a credit card, an I was busted! Lol. My ex walked away, I chased him, an undercover cop stopped us, as usual (they always ****** with me, because I knew to much cuz of my PC an bubba) So my ex agreed to come inside, My PC was inside my apt, grabbing all his **** throwing it in his bag, telling my ex “I dunno how you deal with her man, forreal SHE’S A *****!” I yelled at him he said “you told me I had to leave earlier, so I’m leaving!!” I told him bout the cop, an to quit his ****, relax an stay he said “nope I’m going” we argued for an hour, but in the end ‘BUBBA’ picked him up, they went to the casino, ‘BUBBA’ answered my calls every time, but my Prince Charming wouldn’t answer my calls, an he would only talk to me on ‘BUBBA’s phone cuz he made him. I told him I was sorry, he said “no your right, once a piece of **** always a piece of ****!! I’M SORRY!” then he hung up on me, At the time I didn’t know what was going on, I found out later, but I kept calling, an they wouldn’t answer either phone, The next morning, his mom called me crying saying “THE BONDS MAN CALLED ME!!! He’s back in jail, please tell me, that he’s at your house, an this is all jus a misunderstanding..?” I started crying, an said “..NO, HE LEFT LAST NIGHT!” she said “OH DEAR JESUS..I don’t know whats going on, NOBODY will talk to us, we called the jail, an the bonds man nobody will give us any information, other than he’s in jail, call the bondsman an talk to him sweet heart, figure out whats going on..PLEASE!!” I called the bonds man, He told me that he was arrested in the middle of the night last night, it was 20 mins after he hung the phone up on me, he said..”once a piece of ****, always a piece of ****, I’M SORRY!” then he got arrested. He was arrested for sales, ‘BUBBA’ was arrested with him, they were both charged with 2nd degree sales, fleeing a police officer in a motor vehicle, an 2 counts of 5th deg. Possession. The girl that was at my house the day he got out, had him get meth for that guy she brought over with her, the ONE I SAID WAS A COP! An it was a controlled buy, she set him up, an KNEW that he was at the casino with ‘BUBBA’ the cops wanted ‘BUBBA’ more than anybody!! They got into a high speed chase, cuz ‘BUBBA’ felt like something wasn’t right, right away, an then he seen 1 black suburban, an KNEW RIGHT AWAY, that it was a controlled buy so he took off, then all the other task force vehicles an cops started coming out an chasing them, they were in the chase for almost an hour, before they almost hit a pole, an swerved to miss it, an went into the ditch!
The DA told my Prince charming they’d CLEAR his entire criminal record, expunge every charge he’d ever had, which included 11 felonies total, an drop these charges, an all the ones he was facing in other counties, which totaled up to a lot of time in prison if he ended up being convicted of them all! IF he would tell them where ‘BUBBA’ s real house was, an that ‘BUBBA’ was the one who committed the sales crime!! 2nd degree sales is up to 25 years in prison, an up to a 1 million dollar fine, an he has quite the record already! They said they were going to give him 90 MONTHS MINIMUM, That’s 7 ½ years..if he didn’t say anything, PLUS he had two 2nd degree burglary charges an one 3rd degree burglary, he was facing in other counties, He was looking at 6-10 years positively for those burglary charges! Do you know what the bottom of my prince charming’s paperwork says???? THE DEFENDANT DECLINED TO PROVIDE A STATEMENT!!!! HE DID NOT SAY ****..HE WOULDN’T TELL ON ‘BUBBA’ AN NOT ONLY THAT, HE TOOK THE BLAME FOR ‘BUBBA’ ABOUT THE SALES, HE SAID THAT BUBBA WASN’T EVEN INVOLVED, AN DIDN’T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON..THAT IT WAS ALL HIM! ‘BUBBA’s charges for sales an possession got dropped, but he was the driver so they didn’t drop that! I seen the discoveries, ‘BUBBA’ an my PC I also seen all the court papers for the cases from both people! My Prince Charming, is in Prison right now, He will end up serving about 34 months total, including good time! He is still going to court for his burglary charges to this day..he keeps getting them continued, an we pray that they will run them concurrent with his 34 months, which is looking pretty likely! THANK GOD! I bailed him out, he went back 6 days later!! I write almost every day! I answer collect calls every day! I visited a couple times every week when he was in county jail before prison. I made an honest mistake on my visiting app. For the prison, SO APPARENTLY I FALSIFIED INFORMATION/OR WITH HELD INFORMATION, needless to say, the DOC banned me for 6months from EVERY correctional facility IN THE STATE!! So I haven’t been able to see him in a long time, I tried to appeal the ban, by writing the warden a letter, but, you only have 15 days, an I didn’t even receive the letter saying that I was banned until later than 15 days, so I couldn’t appeal it, even if I wanted to!
Remember I said that he was singing me songs at the neighbors, 2 hours before he was arrested, THE LAST SONG HE EVER SANG TO ME, WAS “let me love you, by Mario” (if you don’t know it, look it up) Then I left to talk to my abusive EX, my ex an I don’t talk anymore, but my prince charming is in prison!!! What hurts me the most is all of the mistakes that I made, I KNOW that if I would have done things differently HE WOULD NOT be in prison, I can’t take any of that back..I PRAY THAT YOU CAN ALL LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES, Show this to your man, Let him learn from my prince charming’s mistakes!!
He’s been gone for about a year now…It hasn’t gotten any easier, NOT at all! I go out still, an have fun, good things happen all the time but things are never as good as ‘they could be’, I have fun, but never as much fun ‘as I could have’, Every time something bad happens I wish he was he was here to go through it with me, every time something good happens, or something funny, I wish he was here to see It! ..your always going to feel like something is missing, everything will feel half as good as it used to, you’ll always fall back on that thought like ‘things are good right now, I have everything I want, there is only 1 thing missing!’ When you have someone in your life 24hrs a day 7 days a week, that experiences EVERYTHING with you, That person is a part of your everyday life, They become a part of who you are, an then all of a sudden they are gone, They take a part of you with them! You can’t expect anything about life to feel the same as it used to. Something is always missing, IT’S THEM! The last piece of the puzzle, that only ONE piece fits into. ONLY when that piece is back home, an that puzzle is complete ONLY THEN will you be able to CLEARLY see the WHOLE PICTURE!!

I’ve gone through hell in my life, without exaggeration! LITERAL HELL! Out of everything I’ve EVER been through IN MY ENITRE LIFE…THIS IS BY FAR…THE HARDEST THING I’VE EVER GONE THROUGH!!
I miss him all day, every day, but I always end up missing him most late at night, when it’s too late for him call…When he couldn’t be there, even if he tried to be.. I smile every day, an laugh all the time I make the best out of this situation I CAN PROMISE YOU THAT! I’ve used this as a way to grow, but it doesn’t make this any easier!

So all of you ladies, who have convinced yourself that you need to ‘be strong for him’ DON’T!! When my prince charming was in county I used to get PISSED because he was the happiest guy in the world, smiles & laughs! An I was an emotional train wreck!! All he had to do was play cards all day, No responsibilities, not a care in the world, an all of his friends were in there so he had fun!!
IT’S OBVIOUS that being locked up, is not fun! It’s hard as can be! But IT IS HARDER!!! To be the person out here!! You work 80 hours a week, & bust your ***, to put money on their books, so that they can gamble with noodles, or buy canteen..an then you feel guilty if you can’t give them money…**** THAT! IF THEY WOULD HAVE LISTENED TO YOU, WHEN YOU BEGGED THEM NOT DO IT, THEY COULD BE OUT HERE MAKING MONEY JUS LIKE YOU ARE!
You drive hours to visit them, put in gas, spend hours getting ready, get searched, an treated like you did something wrong, so that you can see them..an you feel bad when you can’t go as much as they want you to…**** THAT! IF THEY WOULD HAVE LISTENED TO YOU, WHEN YOU BEGGED THEM NOT DO IT, THEY COULD BE OUT HERE WITH YOU!
SERIOUSLY! When they are sitting there, miserable, IT IS BECAUSE THEY DID SOMETHING WRONG, AN ARE BEING PUNISHED FOR IT! When you are sitting here being miserable, IT IS BECAUSE THEY DID SOMETHING WRONG AND YOU ARE BEING PUNISHED FOR IT! When they are pissed off about sitting there, THEY CAN BLAME THEMSELVES, when you are pissed off wondering why me? YOU HAVE NOBODY TO BLAME! THEY DID SOMETHING WRONG TO DESERVE THIS, YOU DIDN’T DESERVE THIS, YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG, ALL YOU DID WAS LOVE SOMEBODY AN CARE ABOUT THEM!
You don’t need to be strong for your man, you need to be strong for yourself, Because your man ****** up, an he isn’t around be strong for you anymore, NOBODY IS, if you don’t be strong for yourself, nobody will be! DON’T EVER feel guilty about something you can’t do for him, if he wouldn’t have gotten locked up, you wouldn’t even have to do this! How many things EVERYDAY can’t he do for you anymore? Is the reason why he can’t do them, because he loved you an cared about you? Or is it because he did something wrong? Is he in prison because he loved you an cared about you? NOPE! BUT YOU ARE! A mental prison! An today, I jus unlocked that gate for you, an opened it, YOUR FREE! The bars your behind aren’t physical, they are mental bars, that you locked yourself behind! DON’T!! Don’t punish yourself for HIS mistakes! Write him, visit him, etc. but don’t let yourself fall into that mental prison! Even though time feels like it stopped, IT DIDN’T!! YOUR WASTING TIME! TIME THAT YOU’LL NEVER GET BACK! The biggest mistake ex-offenders make when they are released is trying to make up for lost time..that is the #1 reason they go back! Your doing this time with him, an YOUR LOOSING TIME! YOU CAN NEVER MAKE UP FOR THIS LOST TIME! An one day, you’ll want nothing more, than to do jus that! Don’t let yourself loose time in the first place, MAKE THE BEST OUT OF THIS!! Go to college, Get a degree, ALL YOU’VE GOT IS TIME! Do something you’ve always wanted to do, stand up for a cause you believe in, volunteer, there is a thing called second chances, an organization, volunteer for them, they help offenders, to not re-offend, look them up online!! MAKE A DIFFERENCE!! Make something out of your life, cuz even if you feel like your lives paused, TIME NEVER PAUSED, LIFE KEEPS GOING, WITH OR WITHOUT YOU!!! an if you don’t REALISE THAT, YOU’LL SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE TRYING TO CATCH UP TO LIFE!! You’ll spend your whole life chasing something, instead of living your life, IN THE END, ALL YOU DID WAS WASTE TIME, YOU WASTED YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!
I hope this opens your eyes!! ALL OF YOU! INCLUDING that girl who jus rolled her eyes, because I don’t know what the **** I’m talking about, Cuz I’m young an dumb!! YUP, YOU!
PROVEN FACT: “A wise person, is not one, who tells you they are wise, because a WISE person listens!” A smart person, doesn’t need to make a mistake themselves to learn from it, THAT’S AN IDIOT! A person who is truly smart will listen to the person who’s already made that mistake, they learn from another person’s mistake by listening to their stories about it!!
But I know you already know that, I didn’t need to tell you, because YOU KNOW EVERYTHING! I used to know everything too, haha! An then one day, LIFE SMACKED ME ACROSS THE FACE, AN CALLED ME A DUMB ***!!!
Did you feel that???
LIFE JUS SMACKED YOU ACROSS THE FACE!

An I jus called you a: DUMBASS! <3

[[5/17/2012]] BTW:I'm currently sober, attending multiple NA meetings, a week & I'm on my step 4 <3 [[everyday is a blessing]]
atrueblessing atrueblessing
18-21, F
May 17, 2012