10 Year Sentence After A 5 Month Absence

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 3 years. I don't know whether to stay or go. Should I wait or not? It's a really complicated situation that many have you have gone through. Can I get a little insight on what made most of you decide to wait? How long did you or are you waiting? What tactics do you use to make this journey a little easier?

So most of you can get to know my story a little more let me elaborate. In March of 2012 I was on vacation excepting my boyfriend to pick me up from the airport in NYC but he never showed up. The night before my flight in the morning I got a collect call from him explaining that he got locked up and wouldn't be able to make it. Ever since I've been waiting. He just got sentenced to 10 - 12 years in jail (plea bargain). He had the worst lawyer who made him believe him couldn't win the case. He made he lose hope. I know he didn't willingly partake in the burglary/robbery which he is being accused of. Before the sentencing I had hope that he would come home to me. I would just tell myself with each month that passed that he would come home the month after. Since I've received his letter explaining his sentencing I've cried and my appetite is basically lost. I miss him more than words can explain but I don't know what I should do.

My fear is that by the time he comes out him & I will be two different people who are no longer compatible. I'm here in the real world while he's behind bars.
MaiFull MaiFull
22-25, F
1 Response Sep 18, 2012

Well girl we are in VERY similar situations...my boyfriend is in prison for 14 years...He will be starting his 5th year this November. The only difference between our stories in the crime which they committed and the time I have known my boyfriend. We have been best friends since 5th grade but we decided to start dating just a few months prior to the crime he committed.
It takes an incredibly strong women to stick by their man in prison. Although I try and see my boyfriend 2 times a month and we talk on the phone 3 times a week it is still not even close to what I feel I need or deserve, but this is what I signed up for when I fell in love with him. You can't help who you fall in love with.
In there they obviously are going through a lot of emotions but really the people that are left out here are the ones that really get hurt. It's truely scary to not know how they will come out and I understand your concern but communication is key in any relationship and if you talk and visit him then you will see who he is becoming (better or worse) and you can make decisions based on what you see.
The best advice I can give you is if you love him then just be honest with him no matter what, about the struggles your having and what you are feeling, if he loves you he will understand and help you get through it. Also if you are starting to doubt it tell him up front because when they are in there they have nothing to do but over think everything and it will hurt him more if you are not honest and as far as passing time goes all I can tell you in focus on yourself and get yourself in a better situation. I have been focusing on nothing but me and my daughter (not his, but he loves her like she is) and i re enrolled in school, im working a lot and im not sure your religious preferences but I am focusing more on my relationship with god and putting everything in his hands. My boyfriend does understand its a long time to wait and does not expect me to if things change because again I did not do this but I am willing to wait because he is the one I want. I keep myself out of tempting situations (life gets boring) but I know it will be worth it when he gets out.
sorry so long :) hope I helped some

Thanks for replying. I was starting to lose hope about this. This was very sound advice. You're a very strong woman.

This is only the beginning for me and I've already fell victim to anguish and sorrow. I feel so vulnerable. I told him how I felt and he hasn't written me back since. It's been a week.

Thank you though. I appreciate it.

All I can say about you writing him is if you were honest then I promise you, you did the right thing and don't get discouraged about him not writing you back...if some of what you said in the letter was you doubting you can wait and how hard it will be...he could be upset, and when guys are upset in prison it comes out in anger instead of sadness because they have to be "tough" Me and my boyfriend have had a few disagreements and he gets angry with me being honest because again all they do is have all the time in the world to think and over analyze situations. If he loves you he will come around. Granted you are out here and hurting and in pain but try to put yourself in his shoes...He is going through a lot of emotions as well. They all seem to think that everyone is going to forget about them and they don't matter anymore, just give it time, it's all new for both of you. Ill keep you in my prayers but just keep being honest and do what you think is right. After all, you did not do this, he did.

and if it helps the first year is by far the hardest, im almost 5 years in and the first year was pure hell, but once you get in a routine and you look forward to that call on that certain day at the certain time or the mornings you know you get to get up and visit him it makes you so happy, im like a little kid on christmas morning, but it does get easier and you learn to live your life day to day without it consuming you and all you can do is look forward to that release date. I mark each day off my calendar before I go to bed and smile for every one day down!

Thank you so much. This has really helped me out. I still haven't received a letter from him nor a call. I guess he is upset. I wish he would just write back already.

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