Boyfriend Is In Prison...

To be truth, I've been with my boyfriend for only a month or maybe lesser than that. He went in prison for 18months RTC, 2months remand and extended one month for misbehaving. He went in on the 24th Aug, 2011. Which is also my dad's birthday. I skipped school to attend his court. I've waited 17 months, another 4 months to go... I'm half way giving up. I can't stand it anymore. Let's start it from here, I often write letter for him but not every visiting I could attend. I will write to him every few days, it depends. As for visiting, sometimes I couldn't attend due to my school, too tired or working. He blames me for least letters and least visitings, so does his sister. I don't understand why did he blame me for all these when i really don't blame him for another extend of one month in prison due to misbehaving, because i understand. People there irritates him and he nearly got into a fight. This 17 month, I'm struggling, feeling so unhappy at all times, always feels so lonely seeing those sweet couples out there. He don't understand, he don't appreciate. Because he couldn't get any chance to see it while he's inside. It's totally different environment in the prison and out here. I guess he really don't understand how i feel, the problems i facing about family, school and friends. I mean, I already give in a lot to this r/s, but I don't see him appreciating. He even says that he won't send letter for me or see me anymore because of the least letters, visitings and the photo he request me to send for him. Few weeks ago, I had a little conflict with his sister. I mistaken the date of visiting and text his sister about that. His sister was a little furious, and told me that my Boyf is now angry over the visiting that I've missed. She told me, she don't think I appreciates her at all due to all these, she assumed that she always have to beg me for visiting his brother. She told me she felt offended when I try to ask her to update me about visitings. I'm really speechless, I waited for his brother, the only way I can get to know about him is through his sister, isn't it? I didn't want to irritates her about visitings too, I doesn't want it too. She feels that I don't appreciate her, she told me she's just protecting his family. But what did she and his brother did to me? I've got none of my family member to protect me over this. I love him, I'm willingly to wait. I know he's changing, but i can't stand the feeling of being lonely and hurting outside here. I feel really bad if i don't give him a chance to prove it to me that he'll change after releasing, but I really feel like giving up. Every letter he sent to me, is more on hurting stuff than on sweet ones. And it took 3week-1month or more to receive his letter...Every visiting only has 20min, which his siblings and parents will be there, and that causes the awkward feelings which I don't really get to talk to him. But i think seeing him is enough... After these day, I've think it through, I got to plan and think for myself... I loved him, I don't bear to let go... But now all these conflict and problems they gave, I can't stand it anymore. It's hurting, I thought he could be the one who's gonna be with me through thick and thins, but I guess it makes no difference. He's giving me more pressure, hurting. I'm half way giving up, but I don't bear to. There a lot a lot more problems which I didn't mention. I need someone to talk to, I don't even know what I want...I don't know how strong or deep this love can be to wait for him a total of 21months... He's releasing in another 3-4months, I don't think I can hold on anymore... I'm half way giving up... I got no one to turn to, I got no true friends...
An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Jan 19, 2013

Seriously? MOVE ON. You were with someone for a MONTH, now you're waiting for him to get out of JAIL? Meanwhile, he's blaming you for not writing or visiting enough? What do you think is going to happen when he gets out and can't get a job? Is this REALLY what you want for your life?

Nah. I don't want it too. But I feel like I'm hurting him much much more when it's just left 4months or less... I'm struggling, don't know what to do ...