Update time...
So, if you follow along with my experiences, you know that I recently had a tough day with my boyfriend.
I went to visit him and our visit was hard. I listened to a "friend" for a while and was considering breaking up with my baby.
Remember....he's only been in jail for 3 weeks. So my emotions are all over the place. But I came to my senses and have decided to hang in here with him.
This is what I messaged my "friend" about the situation:
"You say that I can't go looking for love. You say that love reaches up and grabs you. Well that IS what happened to me and my baby.
Neither one of us was looking for love. I was looking to play a little bit. But I fell for him. It did jump up and grab us. I wasn't even thinking about a relationship.
I thought about taking your advice - telling him to get his **** together and in the meantime we should be just friends.
But I can't do it. I don't want to do it. I want to be with him. I have sat here all day and read advice columns about prison boyfriends and all the reasons they are bad. All the reasons I should give up. But as long as my baby is willing to work with me - I want to try.
I know it doesn't make sense. I get it. ****, there are so many reasons it doesn't make sense. But this man has given me a reason to smile again. Maybe he got locked up so that he can pull his life together. You know, everything happens for a reason.
No, I don't want to go down roads that lead to heartache. But that's the risk in any relationship. And I would risk it for him. I love him.
I talked to my baby today and I am pretty sure I upset him. I told him I've come to the realization that he will not change. I also told him that jail has become his lifestyle. He doesn't want that to be his life. I can tell. He wants better.
You know the 15 minute calls suck. And we were told we had one more minute. I told him it was good to talk to him. He got off the phone so fast he made my head spin. He blurted out that he loved me and I could hear that he slammed the phone down.
Now I feel terrible for handling it the way I did. I am hurt. I miss him. I'm sad. Being apart is driving me crazy. But he is feeling all of those feelings too. I just hope I haven't run him off with my ****** attitude today.
I don't want to see him hurting. I hate this. I want him to be happy. If I stop making him happy or if he stops making me happy, then I will leave him alone. But for now I'm going to stand beside him. He needs me and I need him.
Think about it - if he didn't love me he wouldn't give a **** what I thought about this situation. He has been feeling so much guilt about it.
We are all human and we will not be perfect. But I believe he wants to change. Maybe I'm ****** in the head - but I want to see where we can go.
It is not often that I meet a man that enjoys my silliness, accepts my flaws, thinks I'm beautiful, cares about me, embraces my mean moods, satisfies me sexually, makes me laugh, gives me butterflies....all at the same time.
I appreciate your concern for my well-being. But I have to stand my ground and be strong. That is my decision."
Photographer85 Photographer85
26-30, F
1 Response Aug 17, 2014

Well done! That's beautifully put!