The Guy I Love Just Got Locked Up.

So I've been on and off with this guy for 3 years (it's very complicated), but we recently got into a fight and 4 days later after I haven't heard from him..... I read in the paper that he got locked up. He might be facing anywhere between 1-3 years.

I'm in college, and I am definitely focusing on school but I truly and deeply love him. I just heard from him on the phone to today and he seems like he is doing fine, but I'm wondering... how do you make a relationship last when the one you love is in jail? I know guys can't cheat on you (obviously) but do they change when they are in there? I'm worried that while he is in there he is going to change into some monster or something. I'm afraid that I am going to devote so much time to him and when he gets out, he will forget all about me.

Anyone who has had experience in this field, I would appreciate the support/advice.


Thanks so much.

Jess1904 Jess1904
22-25, F
13 Responses Sep 14, 2009

My fiance is in jail. He has been in and out of jails and boot camps.. Im only 16 my fiance is 18.. His po don't want us together neither does the judge.. They put a no contact order on us but im willing to make it work and so is he.. Why cause true love never dies.. It is very hard to have your loved one In jail.. And it's hard to not have support.. His dad doesn't support us.. But his mom does but she is all the way in New York and were in Michigan.. It's hard but we're making it work.. I will always stick by my baby's side.. Cause true love never dies..

My boy is in jail and just got sentenced to prison for a while. Were growing closer bc he's realizing how much I really care not that I don't have him with me. It's not easier to love someone that's locked up but it's easier for THEM to see that you love them more than anything. Visiting, writing, emailing, putting money on books, answering their phone calls...all makes them see you're worth it. If they somehow change their feelings for u when they get out after all you've done when they were locked up..then their feelings weren't ever real anyway.

Now **

What I can write to my boyfriend that just got lock up

Hey I'm 18 my bf been sentenced to 3 years i have done almost 18 months of it with him. First of all contibue to focus on you continue with college and things, coming back to colege was the best thing I ever done, it keeps you so occupied I know it seems like forever now but time does fly by. I am sure he is a good person and never be ashaimed of loving someone in jail because there are some good men in jail who just happend to make the wrong choices if he is one of them stick by him, be his rock and security. Prison does change them, a boy goes to jail and makes it a holiday, a man goes to jail and makes it a lesson. when they have good strong young women to support them of helps them soo much. if you truley truley love him be patient it is hard for them sometimes, this is not easy at all and you will have trials and tribulations that only the strongest survive through somedays he will feel low and angry but you just have to pull him back up. Pain doesn't last forever. This is survival of the fittest and only the strong will survive so if you love him and you think he is worth it stick by him. I hope all goes well, shae x

My boyfriend has just been sentenced to 3 years i am willing wait for him i love him weve been talking for 8.months but weve been in relationship for 5months how do i cope wit him being locked up for that long???

I have loved the same man since i was 16 he got locked up after two years of dating him he treated me like a queen he was everything too me as i was too him. One day he got into a fight and it resulted in the other person dying. (which should have never happened) He fought the case but lost and he got 20 years to life. He has been in there 22 years now and when he goes up for patrol they keep denying him. I can't say or even know when or if he will ever come home. We didn't stay together for the 20 years but i never stopped loving him. He has always been someone i can talk to till this very day. we have been in touch on and off since i was 18. The hardest part is i never stopped loving him. So much has changed in 20 years that he doesn't even know what it is like to be out in the real world. He wants me to marry him because I am single now and we can be together but i have two kids and that is not the kind of life i want them to see or know about with their mom being married to a man in jail so i told him i can't and he respects that he doesn't like it but he understands. We both know we would have been life partners if this didn't happen but it did and our lives changed forever. <br />
If the man truly loves you he will let you go and find your own life even if that means not being there for him or being with him. And if you can't deal with the jail life then that is what that person needs to understand and support your decision like mine has... a real man will know that even though a situation happen that lead him to make a truly bad choice that cost him everything he doesn't have the right to hold to you and bring your life to a halt or stop your life for his. Yes, you can love that person from a distance. if it was meant to be you will find your way back to each other..

i know how you feel i have a boyfreiand in jail right know we have been togeather for a bought three years he had came to see me for laber day week end and was talking to me on the phone and was not watching his speed limit got pulled over and is know geting transported back to texas thats what he told me last time i spoke to him it is hard and painfull when i remember how he helped me get through my custedy battle i had with my x and he paid for my lawer and all the love he showed me and i wish i could do something to help him but i hate not knowing whats going to happen to him and know he is in a racest state who hate mexacans if enyone has eny advice i would really be greatfull

My boyfriend recently got locked up after we had an argument and he left. Before the aurgument he was treating me bad, aurguing and fighting we have been together on and off for almost two years. I love him to pieces. Hes the only one who has been there for me and my daughter. He is doing between 6 months to a year. Im going to wait. He told me that he was sorry and that he loves me. I beleive him this time. all he has is me. Im 26 and he is 23. follow ur heart love

My boyfriend recently got locked up after we had an argument and he left. Before the aurgument he was treating me bad, aurguing and fighting we have been together on and off for almost two years. I love him to pieces. Hes the only one who has been there for me and my daughter. He is doing between 6 months to a year. Im going to wait. He told me that he was sorry and that he loves me. I beleive him this time. all he has is me. Im 26 and he is 23. follow ur heart love

Im sorry about your situation :[ Im kinda in the same one excapt mine boyfriend got sentence to 8 years but now it might be 3 1/2 to 5 which im very proud of. It is a hard road to choose weather to stay or not i am waiting. but that is my personal choice. if you want to stay you have to know you will have good and bad days. you will have thoughts of cheating. its normal. you will miss him to pieces and cry when no ones around. This isnt the life everyone can just live some people cant deal with it. it just depends how you deal with it. And its a test of your faith and if you can choose mind over matter. <br />
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good luck with what ever you choose. just remember its your decition and no one elses.<br />
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i am truely sorry to hear about your situation. <br />
i knoow exactly how you feel . me && my boyfriend have been together 2 years. striaght hes my bestfriend everyday we would be together. on christmas day 2009. he got busted. for a mistake he did. hes looking up tooo the most of 15 years. but there still doing hes trial..<br />
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i am 18 years old. barely out of highschool. he got arrested a couple months before graduation && it hurt me soo much. but i go every weekend to visit him. he would tell me. not to stress && finish schoool. && go to college. its difficult on keeping the relationship. but if you are truely deeply inlove with him youd be willing to wait for him. your gona have your moments of falling apart. && feeling lonely. you got to keeep your head up even when you dont feeel like it when it comes to them. cause it just hurts them when they see the pain their causes because of the mistake they have done. but its all worth it in the end. im close with his family. && that helps so much with it. when you write to him it helps alot too. those are the best moments ever.! most people dont change. most change for the better when they do alot of time. i dont think you have anything to worry about. when you put alot of time into them when they are busted. they loook at you in a way different way. they are glad they have you. && know you actually really do care about them. && you were always down from they beginning. && maybe you to well actually get it to be official for goood like me && my babe. i wishh the best for you tooo. && i hope you do stay by hes side when he needs you the most.. godbless you tooo..

i had an on and off guy who i waited for while he was in jail, he ended up having his new girl break up with me six months after he got out. things i wish i would have asked my self, what kind of life will i have with a convict who can't go two and a half years without landing in the pen? can i see myself dealing with his **** for the rest of my life? will things have changed, will we have grown apart by the time he gets out? is he trying so hard to hold on to me cause he just wants to get letters in the mail. i don't know your situation, but if but you say it is on and off, if it has ever been off for more than a month,even if he didn't end up in jail, leave him, if he made a mistake it is one thing but if this is a pattern, leave him, if he doesn't treat you right, leave him, and don't wait on him in jail. remain friends if you want , see where it goes when they set him free, but don't waste one to three years of your life waiting on someone who is most likely not worth your time.

Hello. <br />
Sorry to hear about your situation. I'm not usre how old you are but I'd wager that you're in your late teens-early twenties. <br />
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Try this: Look ahead five years. Where do you want be? Do you see him in it for the long term? How would he be with kids? You're obviously involved with school, which is a good thing. You're going to be a different person when you graduate and have different priorities than you do now. If it were me I'd say "See ya".