Lost Amongst A Mess

I've been sick for 2 weeks and I need to see a doctor.  I'm visiting at home for the weekend, and I have terrible phone service, so I can't get any calls and it sucks!  I'm really nervous about being here, but I have no food and no money at school and I have to replenish and get some meds.  I hate being so dependent on my parents.  The job search has been terrible, but I do have an interview on Monday at a food court on my school campus...pray for me?  I need my driver's license, I need help..


My family continues to scream at me and write me emails about how stupid I am.  They tell me that my boyfriend is going to tell his prison friends to come rape me and my family and that he is a sociopath, and it goes on and on and on.  I get it that they "care" about me, but I definitely think they're more concerned about the image of my situation than my actual feelings.  Of course it looks bad when you have a jailbird fiance, but I couldn't give a **** if I tried.  I'm tired of the "perfect little rich Los Angeles family" standard.  And I would vanish from this whole ******* thing, if I had the money.  I really want to finish college, and I know my parents will pay for it till I graduate, as long as I don't completely **** everything up.  Dependent, weak, defenseless, pathetic.  That's how I feel.


I'll never leave James.  My family is aware of that, I'm starting to work with a therapist and she is trying to help my home situation by working with my family too.  Maybe things will calm down..if not, then I guess I'll see you on the streets.


It's like they don't care about me at all, all they ever talk about is James and how much they hate him.  It's getting boring...I hardly know what we used to talk about before this whole James issue came about.....My parents need a hobby.


If they can't look past my man, if they can't focus on anything but their image, if they continue to eat at my feelings, just because of my stupid boyfriend then maybe there's something wrong with them, not me. 

Reillyz Reillyz
18-21, F
4 Responses Feb 25, 2010

goog for you hes gonna be proud stay focus

Thanks guys! :) and I'm going to Cal State Chanel Islands now

You need to stay in school make good grades and focus and take care of you. only God judges and he loves you and every body else take care of your self and if you love your boy friend stick by his side and be there for him thats all you can do .Do want makes you happy and do whats right for you.

omg you are going thru alot! wht college are you going too? and i cant believe that they are sayin that about your bfs friends. what is wrong with them.