Never Thought It Would Be Me

its been over a year and a half since my boyfriend died,i hate talking about it but lately i feel like i have to because its really starting to overwhelm me.i hate that hes gone and instead of the pain going away it somehow seems to get more poignant every passing day... of course i have days when I'm numb those are the best when i can just pretend nothing happened and i can be normal around everyone without having to put up an act..the thing i hate the most is how Ive changed I'm always so angry and stressed like ALL the time! if my b/f was still  here he'd be really upset to see me like that..
before he passed away my b/f was comatose and recently I'm staring to realize that Ive been sort of comatose since he passed away..i thought id been handling the whole thing really well moving on with my life and stuff but really Ive done absolutely nothing in the past year and a half..i hope everyone on this forum is able to still smile in the warmth of the memory of their loved one xxxxxxxx praying for all of you and for all our angels in heaven

shootingstar80 shootingstar80
4 Responses Jun 12, 2010

I could tell you to read books on grief that would really help you understand what you are going through.I could suggest a grief group that would help.I have been in the Psychology field for 26 years.

But,what I really want to say about the last year and a half is that you are normal.If you can just keep breathing and then crying when it comes then you are succesful.You are pushing yourself A WAY TOO HARD.

Grief is complicated and it's one of the hardest things a person can go through.

By the way I'm so sorry for your loss.

I lost my boyfriend of five years to gun violence on September 3 2009. It's still an everyday struggle to move on without the person whom knew me best. I miss him so much we were like two peas in the pod. I was at my happiest with him. Now I'm just living life and trying to stay postive. Keep your head up i know it gets diffcult at times but just know he loves you and he is an undesirable place.

I too just lost my boyfriend one 7/1/2010 to suicide. I feel absolutely numb and as though my life is over. Him and I had been dating for 6 months but we were very close and we saw a future with eachother. It's so hard to accept this reality.

There are people out there at churches a so forth that can talk to you and help you get through this. It is very hard to do this sort of thing on your own and it is really ok to talk to people about it.. Talk to your DR. and get referred to a social worker. Samantha