My father passed away when i was 7 and my brother was 3. After that it was just us three.. my mother had a couple of abusive boyfriends.. so my younger brother and I used to hide into our own world.. it felt safer that way.. We grew up the best of friends.. both looking out for the other. We were never apart... then, we went from having no freedom at all to having all the freedom we wanted due to my mother's new boyfriend.. that's when both of us started to experiment with drugs and the depression basically held us hostage.. my brother kept things bottled up inside more than I did.. and started using more drugs.. hanging out with the wrong crowd. Itried helpinghim so many times.. I tried going over my mother's head to get a court order for him to get help, but my mother wouldn't have it.. she thought I was saying she was a bad mother, and I shouldn't tell my therapist all of this ..blah..blah.. friends of my brother's were having him hide herion in my house.. I didn't knowwhat to do anymore.. it got physical , but I knew it was because of his mentality and the ongoing drug problem. .. I never gave up on him, though.. I tried so hard toget him psychiactric help and drug treatment, but it always failed... we ended up getting evicted from our home and my brother was facing drug charges. My mother had to move to public housing .. my brother had no where to go.. he couldn't live with my mother, due to public housing not allowing him on the property. He moved in with a friend, and was helping out an elderly man with his home and transportation.. I thought he was really getting things together ... I ended up staying with him for a while, and we still stuck together like glue.. he told me how much he appreciated my persistance on getting him help.. he talk me that he loved me for trying to help him because he does need it.. so we tried .... I got him insurance to see a therapist and to goto outpatient treatment...I wasn't going to let anything happen to my baby bro.. Later ,, I got my own apartment, and lived on my own....he loved it.. He used to come by with his new girlfriend, and we had some great times ... He was doing real good.. then, some people from his past came into his life again and he was trying drugs again.. He was out of it all the time.. he kept telling me.. " I just smoked a joint.. that's alll.."... but I knew my brother.. I knew that he was doing something so much stronger than pot. .. anyway... he later met a girl. this girl had all the drug connections you could imagine.. so he broke up withhis current girlfriend, and started a " relationship" with thisnew girl.. they werealways messed up.. their eyes were hardly open half the time.. it was so sad and scary.. On May 26 2005, my brother died. .. this is how it started.. my mother, who lived across the way frm this new girl, heard pounding on her door.. there she was... she was all drugged up.. looked likeshe had just done herion, and said that she could not wake my brother up.. my mother ran over to her apartment and started cpr on my brother.. no luck./. she called me while she was doing cpr.. crying.. tellling me ot get over there and help her.. while she was tryingto save him, tghe father told my mother to leave and get my brother's body out of there so they do n't lose their apartment!! it was so sick.. the police , etc, got there and transprted him with no luck.. he passed away frm methadone and antidepressants..there isso much more to this story that I want to share, but I can't right now,.. it's so much trauma.. all i know is that I miss him soooooooooo much.. i want him back.. he didn't have to die.. he was only 20.. i need him .. i need strength.. I feel like I can't live without him..