My Brother Dean

Sometimes i still get angry at the fact that my brothers not here, and even though I've accepted his death, it still hurts

5years ago my older brother died at 17 due to cancer, and there's not a day that goes by where i don't think or miss him, i have days were i struggle to control my emotions and i cry because i know that no matter what i do or how many times i cry he wont ever magically appear right beside me. never in a million years did i think he'd die so young i was 12 and i remember being confused i was in so much shock i couldn't even cry, i didn't want to believe it, then i was angry, stressed, upset all at once i felt so lost.

Never did i think that the first person's funeral id ever attend would be my brothers, and as his coffin was open i remember standing there seeing his pale face as i whispered "i'm sorry, i love you" i was sorry for any hurt id caused, sorry for all the times i didn't do something that he asked me to do, sorry for not always hugging him or spending time with him and sorry for never telling him just how much i loved him.

and as i sit here writing this i'm crying because its all come back to me the emotions, the guilt, i feel so angry with myself for just not being there as much when he needed me and for that i'll forever be guilty, i'll forever be upset. but i hope that he died knowing i loved him, i know his in a better place and he died peacefully, no more pain or hurt. my brother dean is truly my inspiration and my motivation i'm living my life for him because his life was taken from him at such a young age he didn't get to fulfill his dreams

i love you dean, you are my angel xxxx
chynnaa chynnaa
18-21, F
May 15, 2012