Didn't Even Know Him But Miss Him

My older brother was born 2.5 years before I was and died only hours after his birth. He had a severe form of spina bifida and did not survive long. My parents went through a lot and went on fertility treatments to ensure that the same thing didn't happen to their next child. I was born healthy about 2 years later.

Even though I never knew my brother I still miss him. At times I feel bad that I never had the chance to have a big brother in my life, I sometimes imagine that he is looking over me. I even want to use his name as a middle name for my first son so that his name will be a part of my family.

A tough part is that my fiancé's birthday is exactly one month after my brother's birthday, same year and all. It makes me wonder some times if they would have known each other, if they would have been friends, if he would have approved of him.

Unfortunately my mother thinks I admit these feelings for sympathy or attention from others. She said that I never knew him and wouldn't know he even existed unless she told me.
Jupiterfalling Jupiterfalling
18-21, F
May 17, 2012