5 Months And Ticking

The number 21 is not a favorite number of mine anymore, as is the number 2. I lost the 2 people closest in my life on those numbers. My mother, many many years ago, but my brother only 5 months ago.
Life gets so heavy not having him in it to talk me over the rough spots, to laugh, tell all his Viet Nam stories Again, sing and he did very well....talk about silly things....talk about serious things, give me advise. Just be my brother. He, as of maybe 8 months ago, told me stories of when I was 2 and he was 7, of kids he chased because they were being mean to me....or things we did then that I didn't remember (too young). He filled in many of the holes in my life in so many ways. I have never known life without my brother being in it for me, pulling me out of jams. This is all so new and different and over whelming at times....I feel like the last person I had in my life that grounded me, looked out for me, made sense of things is just gone in the blink of an eye. It is hard to handle and not let it tear me to pieces....I know that is the last thing he would want me to let happen.

So time ticks away, and I wait for a lighter day when I won't miss him so very very much.
rowenbumble rowenbumble
56-60, F
2 Responses Jan 23, 2013

Hi there.. I'm sorry about what happened about your brother. I lost my older brother too. Just recently. He died in a car accident last month in June due to blunt force trauma from hitting a tree right off the freeway. He was 19 and would turn 20 this year in late august. We weren't too close after my mom died of cancer when I was 12 four years ago, but I loved him still. I have a lot of good memories of him from my childhood...and it hurts to think about all of those good old days never coming back. It sucks and it's very sad, but I have hope for a bright future, where I won't be sad and lonely and depressed like I have been in my teenage years. I'm 17. The only hope I have in my life is the hope of going to heaven. That's the reward I'll get in the end for persevering in this life under my portion in life. I accepted Jesus as my Savior when I was a child sitting next to my dad in bed when he'd read bible stories to me and my brother, and I've stuck with my faith, even in these difficult times. I'm glad you were close to your brother, I really missed being close too mine...well, the only support I can offer you is--if you already haven't--to become born again through the cleansing of your sins through Jesus's blood, and following His commandments and reading the bible to get a better understanding of God's word. Submit yourself unto The Lord and your feelings and He will give you rest.
You will leave everything behind in the end, and all of it is in vain. My brother took nothing with him. Nothing. It was all in vain. All that matters now is if he accepted Jesus before he died, so I can rest knowing assuredly that he went to heaven. I have hope that he asked for forgiveness before he died. And I hope that you turn to God for help in times of trouble, as I do. God bless.

I am very sorry for your loss and the loss of future memories unmade. I respect and appreciate your advise...thank you for giving it. I am at peace with my faith and knowledge of where I will go and who I will see. I don't have to speak of it, to me it is as personal as my loss, no one can truly feel what you or I have gone through, even though most people have lost a loved one. It is a private journey. When all is done for me in this life, when ever that may be, I have no doubts or regrets...my heart will be judged and I have no fear of that at all. Bless you in finding joy in your life and keep your love for your brother strong.....as long as you have your memories of him he is never totally gone. He lives on in you....as does my brother in me.

Please take a platonic zen hug from across the world.