It's the strangest thing when you lose such a major part of your life. For me my brother had schizophernia for at least five years. He killed himself on New Years Eve 1993 he hanged himself. The sadest part for me was, "people always say remember the good times" for me i honestly cant remember any good times. We loved each other so much but we were never what you could best friends, him being a big bro for most of my life was into his thing and so was i. I only ever seen him in torment really, i remember once he came in my room and asked me not to tell mum and dad he had overdosed and hugged me like had never before, i wanted to keep holding on as i wanted to help him, i wish i would of let him die in my arms but it's human instinict to try and save the one's you love, the thought of him dying on is own still haunts me to this this day. I only know this, i listened when he would let me, i held him when i could, i did all i could.