Why !!!!!!!!!

It's the strangest thing when you lose such a major part of your life.  For me my brother had  schizophernia for at least five years.  He killed himself on New Years Eve 1993 he hanged himself.  The sadest part for me was, "people always say remember the good times" for me i honestly cant remember any good times.  We loved each other so much  but we were never what you could best friends, him being a big bro for most of my life was into his thing and so was i.  I only ever seen him in torment really, i remember once he came in my room and asked me not to tell mum and dad he had overdosed and hugged me like had never before, i wanted to keep holding on as i wanted to help him, i wish i would of let him die in my arms but it's human instinict to try and save the one's you love, the thought of him dying on is own still haunts me to this this day.   I only know this, i listened when he would let me, i held him when i could, i did all i could.

shirls1 shirls1
7 Responses Feb 12, 2009

I lost my big brother the same way. He was a paranoid schizophrenic. He died just over a month ago, and the method was by hanging. The pain is still fresh. He was an amazing person with a brilliant mind tormented by an illness. I wish I could hug him one last time and tell him I love him. A day before he died, my best friend past away too. I feel your pain and I hope you can find comfort in something. These things are so complicated and haunting. Trust in God and give your burden to him.

I understand and feel your pain. My 25 year old brother just passed away two weeks ago, he was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia 7 years ago. It has been a long, brutal road and extremely painful to watch, as his little sister. I grew up with him, spent every single day with him, and schizophrenia took him away. I managed to remain close to him and he and I always had a great friendship. I just can not believe he is gone, I hold so much guilt & regret and there are so many things I wish I would have done for him. I was all he had to lighten his day, he did not trust anybody.
Well if you ever want to talk to someone about your pain, I am here. I know how it feels. <3

I am so sorry for your pain. I have an older brother with this same illness and it's hell on earth. My other brother died of bladder cancer in the fall of 2010 and I miss him terribly. I think you were a wonderful sister--whether you two were super close or not. Sibling relationships are complicated. I think you have much to be proud of. I'm sending you a cyber hug this holiday season. Your brother is one of those bright night-time stars that twinkles slightly--it's a wink to say, "Hey, sis!" I wish you peace in your heart, XOXO, Sue

"IF" is such a big word. If this or if that but if will only work when we can go back and do it again.<br />
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What's important surely, is that he wasn't happy ... and now he is.<br />
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Take comfort from that and accept that in his unhappyness he had turned to you for comfort which you gave him at the time.<br />
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The pain will never go away but you do learn to live with it. <br />
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Remenber he is no longer tormented and you were there when he wanted you.

I lost my brother the same way 3 weeks ago. How do you survive?

im going through exactally the same thing what he was suffering with and how he did it and i just keep asking myself why i dont understand and feel crushed well takecare