I Miss My Older Brother.

My brother was murdered last month. And I don't know how to go on with my life. I can sleep and I cry every night. I'm on Xanax to help me stay sane. I wonder to myself if this feeling is ever going to go away. Everyone tells me it's going to get better but they don't know. I really just want him back. I think that one day he's going to walk in the door. Easter is on Sunday and I don't want to celebrate it nor any holiday. I feel lost, stressed, confused, alone. I can't even go in his room. I don't know what I'm going to do with everything in there. I miss him. I wish I could just hug him one last time. I wish he would come to me in my dreams. I haven't dreamed of him yet. I pray for him to come to me.
Mike143 Mike143
22-25, F
5 Responses Apr 3, 2010

I lost my brother 2 years agao today i feel your pain. Leaving me to doubt the book about god and his mercy, well if he does exsist why did he desert me

I wish there was something insightful that I could say that could make you feel better, if even for a brief moment. The pain, which is physical, mental, and spiritual, can be overwhelming and exhausting to carry. I just posted for the first time about my brother and though I cried myself the whole way through, for a split second there was a moment where I felt a small bit of the pain lift. As trite as it may sound, I think that by talking and letting out some of the raw, bitter, consuming feelings and emotions out, you may find a small moment of peace. I sincerely hope that you know that we are here to listen when you need it.

I'm so sorry for your loss , today is a hard day for me because I lost my 17 year old brother and a really close friend of mine who was 18, 2months ago in a car accident . Aaron ( my brother ) lived 16 hours in the icu before doctors declaried him brain dead and his organs were harvestied and donated . It's been extremly hard for me to live with te death of my brother because he was my only brother and the one sister that I have has ceribal palsy and is in a wheelchair ad cannot comunicate and my real fauther left us when I was 2 so the only thing that can depend on is my mom who is goin through an extremly hard time herself,and my doctor is making me take xanx .......but I'm so glad that I have god in my life to help me through these dificult times

I too lost my brother my best friend.I just pray.and yes one day at a time.I pray that GOD let you see your brother in a dream.here is something that happened to me.four dsys after my brother passed we were having a fundraiser for him because he had no insurance. so we had karaoke going and my brother that passed away I heard him say dottie that's me.he said you saw daddy into heaven see me.so I ask the d.j if he had the song IT'S SO HARD TO SAY GOODBYE.BY BOYS TO MEN.and rite when I started singing I heard something snap and rite in front of me I saw these hugh BEAUTIFUL gates with the glory of GOD on them then I saw my brother with the hospital gown on hospital socks.and he was looking like he was at his stating mark he turned and look at me with a big smile and went into the gates.TRUE STORY. I HOPE THIS HELP SOME GOD BLESS YOU

That is such an awful experience and i am so sorry that someone took your brothers life from you. I could never know exactly what you are going through but i hope i can lend a hand. When my i started to really understand how my father had died i was so heart broken. I just sat around the house and never really could handle it until i just decided that i was going to live my life for him. I live everyday with him in mind and for him as well. Living everyday with this idea was the best way to cope and deal with the pain for me and the best way to remember the good things. I also like to get crafty like knitting to help me focus and feel positive.

Jesus, heavy man,I lost a very close to me like a brother person about 2 years ago now. The worst part is all the shared memories only us two shared. I wish I had words of comfort , did they catch the murderer ?,if not, that can be an obstacle to recovery. The trouble is , part of recovery is time causing the memories to fade and I do not WANT the memories to fade,it feels almost like a betrayal of his existence. Let me know if this helped and feel free to run any thoughts by me if it helps.Cya round , Lez.