The Greatest Loss In My Life

I get asked WHY I won't shut up about my big brother and his beauty sometimes....I just can't get over the fact that he's not here. For many people when they get asked about childhood memories they remember joy and happiness and their mum or grandparents....me? I remember my brother. Despite being eight years older than me he was like a parent to me. He watched over me when I was sick, he let me clamber into his bed as a small child when I had a nightmare and in return I was to cover up his troubles. His stunning Androgynous beauty made people think he was hermaphrodite and they used that against him so that he decided invisibility would turn them against him and started purging and binging at the age of eleven. He was later diagnosed with schizophrenia and soon bulimia and schizophrenia combined into one huge Hellish world that he was trapped in. My parents stopped acknowledging his existence because they were scared what the society would think and when someone came over they would lock him into our room. Countless times I would walk in to see him curled up or he would tell me things I never understood and each time the crazy glint in his blazing blue eyes and the deadly cold grip of his skeletal hand on my wrist hurt me and made me wish I could make him better. Some incident occurred and the neighbours managed to get him carted off for help where he repeatedly underwent ECT. My parents had stopped discussing him at all and his name had become a forbidden word. He came home and ran away, leaving me feeling like I had lost my only family member. My parents have since treated me like I don't exist but I know my brothers still watching over me. He was twenty three when he passed away on the 10/12/10, I remember the time and even the fear in his eyes at the hospital when I went to see him for the final time. It hurt seeing my beautiful brother and the wispy shell of a person he had become and I doubt anything can explain how agonising it was to me to watch him pass away. 

So when people ask me why I don't shut up about my brother I just smile and say they would never understand his brave battle. How he adorned himself in tattoos for strength and brought me up, standing by me through all my troubles and joys, he was the shoulder I could lean on, the hand that always helped steer me in the right direction, the voice I associated with love....he was the one who inspired me to start writing and drawing and it is because of him I am who I am today. 
WordHustler1995 WordHustler1995
18-21, F
5 Responses May 8, 2012

God bless him. What a beautiful person.

It sounds like he's given you the strength and wisdom to build a good life for yourself. That's what he wants!

im so sorry for ur loss..... i too lost a brother in fall of 2010......<br />
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i also lost a brother when i was a teen..... (over 20 years ago ) <br />
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it leaves one feeling empty, <br />
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its true, time will help to heal the wounds ...(((hugs)))

Aw I'm so sorry for your loss :(
Yes it does and I understand how it must have felt.
Thanks for all the comments xxx
*hugs u back*
If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here

You are incredibly strong I wish I had a brother or sister that would treat me like your brother treated you. I wish we could talk more so we can share our stories message me sometime

Thank you so much for the comment, I messaged you earlier today X

Thank you so much for everything

Big typo: :S my nephew was born on the 10/12/10 , my bro passed away on the 08/12/10