My Baby Picklez (felv)

Today is the second saddest day of my life. Yesterday I had to put to sleep my baby Picklez, a.k.a "meow meow."  Picklez came to me at a time in my life when I desperately needed him. I had moved out of my mothers house and I was lonely. My mother and her boyfriend had gone to Indiana for vacation and while they were at a gas station, a beautiful black baby kitten crawled onto the tire, while my moms boyfriend was filling the car up with gas. That day they brought him home to me. I was so excited! Unfortunately, he was very sick, malnurished, and covered in fleas. I immediately rushed him to the Vet, who told me that my new baby was FELV + and that he probably wouldn't live that long, which I never even took into consideration.

Picklez, was a survivor. The four beautiful years that I had him, he never once was sick. He was the type of cat who never hissed or scratched, all he wanted was love. He was so loving and gentle it brings tears to my eyes. Every night he'd sleep with me cuddled into my neck or by my face. He'd always gentley paw at my face and meow over and over again. Picklez' nickname quickly became "meow meow" because he loved to talk. When I would meow he would meow back, he'd meow to get my attention, he'd meow to get food. He absolutely just loved to meow. His voice was so quite and sweet, which is what I miss most.

Picklez loved to be held like a baby. I'd pick him up and he'd let me carry him around showing him everything. He loved to sprint accross the room. He loved to attack and play with my dog Tiggy. They were such good friends, they always looked out for each other.

Picklez' illness came very quickly. It honeslty came out of no where. I was not prepaired and I am still in shock how horrific FELV can be. It started off,  with him being very lazy. I noticed he didn't sprint anymore. Next he lost weight, and didn't want his favorite food in the whole world, which was ham. I immediately took him to the doctor.

The visit was horrible. I went in expecting there was something wrong with his teeth, and came out with a death sentence. I was told his FELV (feline lukemia virus) had turned to cancer and ruined his bone marrow. They told me had developed non-regenerative anemia and it was to late to do anything because he wasnt producing anymore red blood cells. My heart broke. Two days later he stopped moving. He'd just lay around in pain.

I had to make the decision for him. It felt like a dagger had been put through my heart. He so desperately didn't want to leave, but watching him in agony was cruel. He wasn't himself anymore and it hurt me knowing that he was fighting so hard but his body was giving up. His spleen had become enlarged and his lungs started collapsing.

I cried and cried and prayed and wished and hoped this wasn't real. I keep thinking that it's a dream. Last night I had nightmares.

I miss him so much. I keep thinking I am going to hear his little bell ringing and he runs by. When I came home today, I thought he'd be there waiting. He was always was at the door waiting. It didn't matter how quiet I was he was always there first! Meowing and waiting to be petted.

Picklez honestly changed my life. He gave me love that I had never experienced before. Unconditional love. He was my best friend and always will be.
I keep looking for him everywhere even though I know he's gone. I love you Picklez