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My Heart Is Broken

I miss my cat so much... I couldn't even use his name in my name for this forum.  It was (?) Dickens.  He was a gigantic pain, but also the love of my life.  He was SO affectionate, would jump up and give hugs around my neck, nuzzle, nibble, cuddle.  He got cancer... so much pain and $.  I would have spent more if I would have thot he would have had a good chance and if it would have ended his suffering... I will never have another cat like him.  I have Emma (persian) and Lucy (dog/Japanese Chin) who I love desperately, but they're not Dickens.  I CAN give them more attention now.  My heart aches.  I feel consumed with guilt sometimes... should I have tried more???  He trusted and loved me.  My home feels empty and too quiet.
Lucysmom Lucysmom 51-55, F 80 Responses Nov 22, 2007

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So sorry, I had my Mr. Pants, less than 2 yrs. old put to sleep yesterday and brought him home to let my other pets see him, that he was gone. Tom Tom came up to him and let a loud yowl . This was his buddy. Pants was a very good cat, never caused any trouble.

Add a response...I am glad I came here I hope someone will read my comments here. I lost my Shadow on the 22nd of Dec 2014 He was 15 1/2/ years young but suffering from kidneys nothing was working right but some how I wonder if it was right to put him to sleep. I had them give him a shot so he wouldn't be nervous and it worked the opposite on him for 15 minutes then he was very under but he knew me and popped up to rub my nose like he always did,.I felt so horrible and still do that he trusted me with his life and I ended it. I asked God he forgive me but I could not stand to see him the way he was any more.The vet said I did the right thing but I to wonder if I could have done more and if perhaps we missed something He had to get Subquanious fluids because he lost so much but could never gain it back even though he got the fluids it was gone by the next day. He was not eating and was very lithogic and his back legs were starting to go. He had been sick for over a year with this and it only got worst. My house is empty and I can't get another cat to go through this all over again. Shadow was well worth the pain but I am so hurt I could never love another animal like I did him. He is cremated and will be buried with me some day. I promised him this and before he died I anointed him and baptized him. He was all ready for his redeemer.God I want to see him so much His little face was so perfect and he was so smart,he understood everything I said to him.I have such panic attacks even in the stores I can't go by the pet section,I feel like I am suffocating so much and very lonely. God help me.

<p>I had to put mu cat to sleep 3 weeks ago and I feel awful. He had run away two months ago and when I checked Humane Society for him 3 weeks ago .....he was there inthr Feral Cat Room in horrible shape. It looked as though he had been hit by a car. He was blind and paralyzed from the waist down. And he had been traumatized. I was so traumatized by seeing him like this. His beautiful green eyes had no life in them anymore. I cried and cried.He could not even have a bowel movement and he was not eating any of his food. He was sitting up when I came in the room. I SM sure that he heard my voice. I could not touch him because the trauma had made him so feral. He had no quality of life left. And the vet said if I did take him he would have to go right to emergency. If he did go to the vet he would be traumatized there again. So I made the really hard decision to put him to sleep. I am so lost and lonely with out my cat......King Velcro Clingon Wahoo......Like you. I will miss him forever!<br />
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We had a 19 yrs & 10 month old who was having alot of old age problems. Deaf, lost teeth, lost of weight, breathing through mouth. Shaking so much, we decided to help him cross over to the Rainbow Bridge. You could see he was suffering so bad. As he went I sang his goodnite song as he past. He was my husband cat but I love him also. Bless Tiger for coming into our lives.

I lost my sweet cat 2 days ag( 1/2). He only started to show signs of being sick 2 weeks ago. We found out on Thursday that he had an aggressive cancer and only a week left. He stopped eating, and started to hide a bit. I let him go instead of letting him suffer and I miss him soooo much. He was such a lover, and gave the best headbutts. I miss seeing him opening up the bathroom door to join me, and hearing his excitement over dinner. Such a sweet boy, and so young (only 8) . This all happened so quickly...I never had time to prepare...

My cat Figaro died two days ago. He was a healthy, beautiful, powerful cat. He resembled a lion. The reason I am so devastated it's because he was completly healthy and young. He jump off the window the maid left open. I carry him to the vet all covered in blood. He stayed there for a couple of hours but finally died. It just hurts so much when you can't save or protrect the only creatures who trust you completly.

That maid would be looking for a new job. If she let my cat jump out the window open. Then my steel tow boot would be put her rear at a high rate of speed. I was a kicker on my high school football team.

I am so sorry for your loss. I think that's the hardest part for me, is I keep thinking about how my kitty knew I was his mommy and trusted me completely and I couldn't protect him. I feel your pain.

just had my best boy Spotty put down two days ago and I miss him so much! He was the best kitty in the world!

I know how you are feeling and I am so sorry for your baby. I hope time has healed your wounds, and I hope you are feeling better now.
I just lost my Obi Wan Kenobi today. He was the sweetest cat I'd ever known, a doll faced persian who was just two. I lost him to UTI and a bladder infection. It was the second time he'd gotten UTI and I blame myself every second for not having helped him sooner. The vet we took him too performed a terrible catheter operation that only worsened his condition and infection.
We put him in the ground today and it all feels like a dream. He looked like he was sleeping. I'll never again have a a cat like Obi who was so lovable and patient, confident and mischievous. He was such a sweet cat and my only friend at home.
I can't believe he's gone. I know it's going to be a long road to recovery, and it's only day 1, but I miss him more than words could ever express.

I lost my dear kitty Saori today. She fell from the top of the wall and the neighbor's dogs killed her. She wasn't even a year old, but I miss her more than I can bear. She would sleep with me every night, she curled at my feet and purred. Her little friend, Altair, is suffering a lot too. He doesn't know what happened to his companion, but he misses her greatly, we all do actually :(

Your cat knows you love him very much, and he's at a better place. I'm sure he and my Saori are playing together in Heaven while I type this <:')

I lost my 18 year old Tasha a little over a month ago. I've been looking online at other kittens/cats, but it just doesn't feel right yet. It is very hard to lose a pet that was held close to the heart. Mine used to provide assistance to me whenever I took a bath. She used to try to clean me and she thought she was truly helping in that matter. That was one of our special times together, as she would stand on the side of the bathtub and attempt to clean my arms. Then she'd settle down on the bath mat and wait for me to get out. She was always by my side in some way or form for 18 years. It is the light in such pets that is truly very difficult to part with, and there love is much like agape love. They don't care what you look like or if you're having a bad day, they just love you. That's very hard to part with, and cats are comforting as well because they are so soft and can be cuddly at times. Just very hard to lose, but I try to believe that she's in a better place now, where she is safe and loved.

My deepest sympathy is with you, my cat just died today...she suffered from A.A Subluxation (rare case in cats), she was only 4 years old... Every thought about her pops up and I drop down crying...I love her...I don't ever want to give her away to God...EVER...but it was for her own good, she had suffered enough and I think its time we ended her pain...

I understand you deeply, just remember that your cat isn't suffering from cancer anymore, he is put to rest where he feels comfort and no longer in pain...

I know how you feel :( I had to put my 13 year old baby to rest 3 days ago and I have never felt so alone in life no one loved me like she did we did everything together and I am scared I will never see her again :( hopefully time will mend our broken hearts

@kennethcook i understand your feelings. The day after my cat was put to sleep i couldnt talk about her without crying. After a little while you will still
Mis him/her but it will be easier

My cat Gypsy, was put to sleep yesterday, and I'm struggling to cope without her. She was my best friend. She was a such a lovable cat, she always loved to cuddle and she was a playfull character. She was always there for me, and I now feel lost without her.

The house feels so empty, I keep expecting to hear her meowing or her bell ringing. I miss her so much, it hurts.

I miss you so much Gypsy.

I'll never forget you.

I'm very sorry about your cat Gypsy. I understand the house feeling empty. Last year my cat Ally died, and though I have other cats the house seemed so empty without her. Again I am very sorry.

Thanks for the kind words.

Please know that you did all you could for your beloved cat. Now it is time too help another kitten that needs a good home and some love. Please go to your local animal shelter and rescue a kitten. You will also be rescuing yourself in the process. Good Luck!

Reading these posts there seems to be a common reaction: guilt. I understand it completely. It's something I struggle with daily trying to understand. What could I have done better? Now that I think back, my cat was a happy cat. He would run around the house and sometimes like a bat out of hell. Never let him go outside (he really didn't want to). He was a house cat who was extremely affectionate. He loved people and would greet them at the door with me. Now that he is gone, all 18 years of life were filled with joy. He had an unlimited buffet. He even had a water fountain that he enjoyed dunking his head under. As he aged, he seemed to bat all his toys under the sofa never to see them again. I stopped buying him toys and started buying him senior cat food. The older he got, the more that I read about the myths of canned food. I started making dry food as well as canned food available at all times. In doing this, I reciprocated his affection. He absolutely loved my caretaking and I absolutely loved his companionship. He insisted on hugs, lap time, kisses and any other interaction that made him feel special. These are the positive things I dwell on to remind myself that I did the best I can. I also appreciate that our cats have no base of comparison so they do not understand what it means be loved more or less. They are resilient, amazing creatures and that is why they make great household pets. That is not to say they are void of emotion but they simply have no capacity to bounce between hatred and love. It's always love in most cases. In your grief, heal your mind with good memories. What was it like the first day you got your cat? When did you notice they were drawn to you? What is the funniest thing you saw your cat do? What unique traits did you notice about them? Good luck in your recovery. It's not easy and I am still coping myself.

I know exactly how you feel. I am so sorry.

I miss my cat MR Clyde's so much. He was my best friend and soulmate. It's been 10 months but in my heart it still feels like he left yesterday. I have never really been a social person so I feel so alone now. His kidneys gave out. I did not do enough for him....never seemed to be enough money to take him to the vet's on a regular basis. I know I could have been a better daddy and this haunts me daily. Since his death I have fostered kittens and looked after a friends cat but it just makes me relize how much I miss my beautiful boy. I hope those who read this don't have to go through the misery that is a daily grind for me. Good luck fellow cat lover's..........

Hi Lucysmom. I have a cat named Lucy. I found your post through google. I googled what my kitty did to me. He, too, was affectionate. He would grab my face with his paws and pull my face towards him just to lick. He also hugged like a human as well. He was a face nibbler and an ear nibbler. He was my source of companionship being socially phobic person that I am. I had to give him mercy from the pain he felt. He couldn't walk and fell down. Broke my heart. I am having extreme difficulty coping. I am looking for these stories over some strange way of coping. I love cats. I have two more but they are not as affectionate. I think male cats do things more physically to show their affection. Anyway, I just wanted to post that you had an amazingly affectionate, rare kitty that i'm sure you miss. I just wonder if you have been able to carry on. It's wearing me out but i'm trying. It seems almost like I am coping in unhealthy ways because the crying and grief can be overwhelming. Both my nostrils seemed to close and I had to force myself to stop the tears. In a cruel way, I focused on the pain he had. I stopped thinking about his mannerisms and personality. This helped. Take care.

My cat Whistle 6 years old died November 24, 2012 due to another cat jumped on him paralyzed his back legs and cought a severe infection. I took him to the doctor he was being treated for that he also had surgery on one leg to take out the infection, but it was too late the infection had spread to his heart and he died. I miss him tremendously, my heart aches and hurts so bad. My little boy was so gentle and kind so smart he had a delicate way about him. I did everything I was should have, but at the end I couldn't save him he died. Only if I could have another chance maybe I would have done something different. I was stricken with guilt that I let him go outside. I cried none stop the first week and I still cry for him. I Love You Whistle So Much, I Miss You. RIP Whistle.

I miss my cat, he was only two years old and not the first pet that I have lost but I miss him so much. He was such a wonderful cat, he would roll on his back so as he saw you, play fetch and so much more. I miss him so very much my fuzzy ray of sunshine. :(

Today my beautiful baby was hit by a car in front of our house :(. He was the only thing in the world i loved as much as my family. He was my baby and i would take a bullet for him <3 i have cried all day. I would cut both my arms off to have him back. My little mountian lion is in a peaceful place <3 He had an amazing nine years. I did everything i could for him, i treated him as if i would never see him again, and i am thankful for that <3

I know exactly what you are feeling, we just lost our baby Drizzty and our hearts are broken. I wish I had some wisdom to impart, but I feel like I am drowning in grief myself. I only hope that both of us are able to get some distance from the pain and appreciate the gift that we had. If you figure out how to do that, let me know...

Big hugs to you!!! I think I understand how you feel. I have had a once-in-a-lifetime cat, she has been gone for decades and I still find the pain almost unbearable and many more wonderful fur friends since. Over the years I have spent too many $'s in hopes of making a difference...sometimes it did sometimes it didn't. I have waited, hoping problems would pass....sometimes they did sometimes they didn't. I have made that most difficult decision to give them relief from their suffering more than once. I feel so much guilt when I think of any of my dear friends. I have an empty house too...Anyway, more big hugs to you.

We had to put my 18 year-old kitty to rest today. We've been together since I was 5 years old, and he about 4 months old. We grew up together. It seemed so sudden when he developed liver and kidney problems. We tried everything - vitamins, medicines, special food. But his body started failing and he became jaundiced and couldn't use his hind legs. He couldn't make it to the litter box or hold his head up to eat or clean himself, so we knew it was time. It was the most difficult and devastating decision we've ever had to make. I would give anything in this world to cuddle with him one more time, and I miss him so much I could die. Rest in peace among the angels, Smokey. You were always there for me, licking away my tears when I cried. We had a lot of good times together. I keep thinking you're going to walk into my room and jump up onto my bed like you always did. But I know you're enjoying the sunshine now, and you're not in any pain anymore. I will always remember you. I love you so, so, so much.

Lucy, you were the bravest, smartest, most special kitty. So pretty and poised but fierce and protective. I am so sad you suffered, and so sorry for the things I could have done better or sooner. Please know it was the best I could do at the time. I miss you so much, I loved everything about you. I would cut off my arm to have you have you again, to be able to rub heads with you and feel your soft fur against my cheek and lips. I know you fought hard to hang on, you were tough until the very end. I hope you will forgive me for the ways I failed you. I hope I will see you again. Be free and happy my sweet girl. You can never be replaced. All my love to you, where ever your spirit is, come visit sometimes. Please. Xo

My Inky was a sweet, loving, beautiful black cat. He was 20 when he slipped away from me in his sleep; I know he woke up in heaven. My brother has a cat, and when Oreo was a kitten, he loved to jump on the kitchen table The vet suggested getting a water pistol and squirting Oreo whenever he did that. My brother tried it. Oreo jumped down, ran around the house, then jumped back up on the table, hunched down, watching the water pistol, enjoying this new game! Oreo also loved to climb the curtain and sit on the rod. The vet suggested getting Oreo a fuzzy toy to distract him. So my brother did. Oreo took his new toy in his mouth, ran up the curtain to sit on the rod, his new toy dangling from his mouth. He is a fun kitty, but I still miss Inky. I know this is kind of off the topic, but I also lost my sweet kitty, and Oreo's antics crack me up, but he is not Inky, no cat
could be, eventually I will adopt a new kitty to love.

I just made a terrible mistake by taking my kitten Muggins back to the shelter where I adopted him because of problems with my older female cat not liking him. I called next day but they said a woman who was there when I was there (I had spoken to her and she held the kitten) had adopted him. I cried when I hung up the phone. I wanted to go back and get him. I realize I did this to myself. It has been 5 days and I miss him terribly, it is so quiet here now. My other cat is low-key. I will never, never do that again. Now I get to wonder where he is and what he is doing. I miss his cute little face and antics so much. This page and all the responses are helping me to feel better. It is so nice to know that so many people love and care about animals as much as I do. I thought maybe I was odd or something. It hurts that I gave away such a beautiful, healthy cat who was probably going to have the greatest personality in the world, now someone else has him. A lesson learned.<br />
I asked for the woman's address but they wouldn't give it to me. I had no idea I would be crying like this over him. I had him for only six weeks.

I know exactly how you feel.July 1 I had to have my 13 year old pal Owen put down.He had congestive heart failure and had been taking medication since Sept 2010.It got so he was having so much trouble breathing he would get out of breath just using his litter box.He was everything to me since I am single and live alone.Month and a half later now and not a day goes by i don't think about him...tears rolling down my cheek as I'm typing this.I feel so empty.He was there for me through everything and I feel like there should have been more i could do.I miss him so much.

I know how you feel I thought I was the only one who felt like you I feel overwhelmed with guilt and I can't stop crying my cat so was so wonderfull he looked to me for protection and I feel I killed him he also had cancer idont care if I die now I wish I could have done more for him