To My Dad Who I Share So Much

Its been 16 months since i saw you last. I think about you nearly everyday and miss the way you miss the house feel. It doesnt feel complete without you.

Everyday i realise how much of you is in me, and i miss you most because i feel you are one of the only people to really understand me. You always made me feel better and you always made me feel normal in the family. Only me and you saw things in the way in which we did and i found great comfort in that.

If i would have known i didnt have long with you i would of got to know you better as Alan rather than just as my dad, as an adult in which we could share ideas and argue ideals. My biggest regret is that i didnt tell you i loved you as an adult, but only when i was a small child. I love you more than words can express and i respected you above anyone. You said what you ment and ment what you said. you didnt sugar coat it or beat around the bush which is what i looked up to you most for and its why i try my best to be the same.

Im very lost right now dad, i dont know what its all about anymore. i feel very lonely and very mis/unguided. I dont know who i was or what im supposed to be, i know who i am right now and i dont feel right about it. I cant help but think about the end of life...im scared i will never see you again afterall, i just hope that i will. I want to live life to the fullest because it is precious but i feel crippled with fear and sadness right now. I miss you the same as the first day you were gone.

love always.

Nic
nicola1988 nicola1988
18-21
Sep 17, 2012