Aug 19

That is my Dad's birthday. He was a quiet guy. Kept to himself most of his life, but did have a few friends he spent a lot of time with. My dad liked to work. He enjoyed his job and spent a lot of time there. In fact, my dad would always be the first one they would call if they needed someone to work overtime.
He was a man who was healthy every day of his life. Slender, tall and rarely ill. But the man let depression get the most of him. He would stare blankly in front of the tube to escape his thoughts. i worried about him all the time. I would sit next to him on the couch and watch tv holding his hand. If that is what he liked to do, i would meet him there and bond with him as best i could. I loved my dad, but sometimes i wondered if he knew how to love back.
Fast forward a few years and I had moved out of the house, had a place of my own and got a phone call from my older sister. Tina was frantic. She told me that Dad was in the hospital with back pain. The doctors found that he had kidney cancer and was going into surgery. He lost a lot of blood and almost died right there. Hours later, looking quite a bit beaten up and white from blood loss, Dad was still sleeping off the pain meds. The doctor pulled us aside and told us that dad had stage 4 kidney cancer and it was spreading fast. My stomach dropped out and i held my head in my hands and stared at my shoes as i slumped over. "three months, give or take." the doctor said as he looked at us.
Three months turned into three years of watching Dad suffer from the parasite that was killing him. He hurt every day. The pain got so bad that he was taking a medicine called Dillotted(sp?). The medicine was a sister of heroin and still wasnt strong enough to keep the pain from making him miserable.
When he finally couldn't take the pain anymore, he passed. Each year around his birthday I feel the pain come to visit me and haunt me reminding me of his absence.
I miss you dad, every single day. It may have been seven years since you passed, but i still remember it like it was yesterday.
wonderingkitten wonderingkitten
31-35, F
1 Response Aug 11, 2010

I'm sorry for your loss, and I know that some of those special days must be real hard without him.