Just Want To Be Able To Say Goodbye

My father passed almost 2 moths ago instantly and unexpectedly from a massive heart attack at the age of 51. with fathers day in a couple of days i cant help but think about him and not be able to see him on fathers day. I try to be strong for my mother and sister by not crying and trying to make it seem like everythings going to be ok, but on the inside i have a constant battle all day everyday of fighting back the tears. My dad passed away while i was in the house with him, my girlfriend and daughter. I talked to him at the most, 30 minutes before he died. The heart attack happened in my parent bedroom, while me and my girlfriend watched TV, and my daughter taking a nap in her room. My mom came home from work and was the one that found him and called me in there to help her "wake him up." We both ended up giving him mouth to mouth tryin to revive him before the ambulance got there. All i can picture of my father is seeing him lay there and trying to give him CPR with no repsonse from him. It hurts me so bad that my dad had to go through that by himself and i hate that i wasnt able to save him or say good bye.Miss you and Love you Dad 12/20/1959 - 04/16/2011
PurpleGravy PurpleGravy
18-21, M
4 Responses Jun 15, 2011

Know what your feeling my Dad died suddenly he had anurism(blood vessel in stomach bled out) went to sleep never woke,don't be aftraid to show emotion and if you need to have a cry it will help in long run,I never grieved for my Mum,wife and gran as had kids to sort but stress built up and I needed councilling.Remember the good times and celebrate your Dads life on fathers day if you can,cook his favourite meal and have a drink in his honour,I will.It was hard first time I did it 2 yrs ago but gets easier each time.As long as you remember him he will always be in your heart with you.

2 months is a very short time, especially as you were so near yet not with him when he actually passed.. Plus performing CPR isnot an easy thing to get over<br />
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. Time really is a great healer, but it isnot the passage of time alone that does the healing, it is what you do with it.. It is important to cry and allow your feelings out. When my father passed, my children were very young, but we taked about him all the time and they knew when I was sad it was because he wasnot here. In the end I was able to say, " I'm not so sad about grandad today "<br />
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If you feel you cannot share your feelings with your family, you must find someone to talk about it with. I don't know why you feel you have to be strong for everyone else, I am sure they wouldnot like you to suffer and have to hide your feelings to protect them. Crying together may help them as well as you.<br />
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I know it is horrible now, but there is no short cut through this, but one day, who knows when, you really will wake up and it willnot be the first thing on your mind, you will be able to laugh and not feel quilty for enjoying yourself and you will be able to think and remember your Dad all the good times, without pain,

yeah i know ur feeling lost someone important in life like nightmare i feel the same way when i lost my dad..until now i am so scary saw funeral i dont know when i see someone die i feel nervous and scary and my hearbeat so fast..i hope u okay ..

Celebrate HIS Life, and focus on all the Good Times you shared,..and the Good Times ahead<br />
**Great Letter**...Thanks for sharing.