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I Really Want Him Back

I have attempted to write this story at least 2 to 3 dozen times since I added the experience to my profile but I always break down in tears and cannot finish it.  Tonight I have been tearful already because I have had a tough week at work and on top of that relationship misunderstandings can take a toll on anyone so while I am crying already I will write my story through to the end. 



I miss my dad more than I would miss my heart if it were ripped out of my chest and never returned. See my father is very much alive you see but I have not seen him or most of my family for a very long time.  They don’t live that far away either; only about 60 to 90 minutes but due to unfortunate circumstances and irreconcilable differences I haven’t seen them in a long time.  I miss my dad most of all.  He is a very good man and nothing he did caused this problem in the family. 



If I could go back and erase the last 5 years of life other than the very special friends I have made on EP and two other people I would give it all up to be able to go back to what I had previously.  Anyhow I am missing my dad tonight just like I do every night.


FUNGIRL UPDATE:  I am writing my dad a letter and I will be sending it next week.  I will be posting the letter here for all of you to read in honor of all you folks that took the time to post a comment for me and urging me to do this. I will also be coming back with updates to let you know how it goes.  Your outpouring of love, support, and genuine concern for me is overwhelming and I certainly do not deserve all this but I do want to thank each and every one of you that have posted to this story. Because of you I will take the action to repair the broken wheel and hopefully we will be riding smoothly soon.  I will let you know.




September 4, 2008

Dear Dad,

You’ve done your best to take care of me ever since I was a little. You tried to raise me with good values and a sense of right and wrong. You taught me everything you could (or at least everything I was willing to learn), and sent me out into the world with a bittersweet thought that your baby had grown up. Well, I’ll tell you what, I still haven’t grown up, but I am trying. It’s hard to be an adult, you know. Life can get so hectic and tiring. So many people give up on being good. It’s hard to watch that happen. I guess the one comfort is that there is always hope. Hope for tomorrow. Hope for better times. Hope for the things that last.

I do owe you-- more than I could ever pay. All the sacrifices you made and all the tears you cried were not a waste. I know you did your best for me. I need to tell you that I appreciate that. We both know neither of us was perfect. That doesn’t matter. Perfection is overrated. What matters is that you cared. You cared and you gave and you wanted everyone to be happy. More important still is that you never gave up. Sure, you lost a battle here and there, but you bravely won the war. You finished the race. You passed the test... with f*ckingly spectacular, flying colors.

So how do you thank someone like that? How do you give back to someone who has spent his entire life doing absolutely everything he could do for you? Honestly, I can’t answer that question. I can only hope and pray that God reminds me every day of what you went through for me. I can try and tell you how lucky I feel to have such a wonderful dad and I can work to give back to you a little of what you gave to me; the best gift of all, the gift of my dad's love. It’s been a long time coming, but I think I finally get it. Thank you, Dad. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

One more thing; no matter what happens, Dad, I want you to know that I will always be your baby and that I do love you. I am forever “daddy's little girl” so please call me and we will talk things over because I am missing you tonight like I have every night for the last 5 years and it is time that we forget the past and move into the future. I am holding out my hand and the music is playing. If your feet can take it may I have this dance because I really am missing you?







UPDATE 4/30/2009:

I have my father and most of my family back in my life.  It has been a long journey to get  where we are and I won't say it is perfect, but I have my mom and dad eating dinner with me a couple of times so far plus we have gone shopping.  My mom has been planting flowers with me and loving me.  It is a special time in my life as I get to re-know these people.  Thanks for all your prayers and well wishes.  It is a long journey I have to get to my destination, but I feel like a burden was listed in this situation.  I love each and every one of you for all the thoughts and the comments that you have made to help me along this path.  I really do.  Okay now that I have tears in my eyes again I will stop before I break out crying.


fungirlmmm fungirlmmm 41-45, F 107 Responses May 22, 2008

Your Response


I hope u are well praying for u no joke

I will take all the prayers I can get. I wholeheartedly believe in prayer and spend time each day praying for the many things on my heart. Thank you for that sincerely. There is nothing more in this world that would MSN more to me

Mean not MSN... not sure where that came from.

Lol it's okay

You are not alone nor ever forgotten

Thank you. You are so very kind.

Don't thank me thank u for ur heart n soul be blessed

3 More Responses

I am so very happy for you! I wish I had done the same as you, then I would have been there when my Mother passed away.

How petty it all seems now, but in 1986 it was oh so real and hurtful. I did attempt to reconcile with the remainder of my family 14 years after the break-up, but as they say, you feel like a stranger within your own family, and no amount of contact will ever bring back those lost years. I left it too late. 27 years on there is no going back for me, but I am so happy that it worked out for you.

Stay happy x

To know the depth and heart of you Jaycee, is beyond my priveledge and definitely my honor. We all need a father, the one we truly inside can "be" that frightened five year old that hasn't yet figured out life.. and it's all right. Life is not fair or just or even sane sometimes, that "why" its so important to have these crucial amazing people in our lives as our foundations. I wept tears reading your story. I felt, for a moment.. your pain. And now.. I celebrate your joy of re-uniting! Blessings & love...

i lost my father to cancer yes miss him dearly can i get an add

I am very proud of you. I just wish I could contact my dad like that. Its good that you and your family are back together again. I hope and pray it stays that way for you. My dad passed in 91, but I still think of him everday.

I am very happy for you. I miss my Dad very much as he passed away 6 years ago in June. I hope and pray that both you and your Dad keep up your relationship together.

Awesome. Life is too short. You don't want any regrets when the time comes that your parents leave this world.

My dad died

What could I say to my Step son that could give him that same sorts of courage you had to have?

Well honestly the worst that could happen is rejection. If he is willing to let the past go then let him know that no matter what happens you will be there for him.

He is acid head now. Needs rehab but won\'t go

Sometimes honestly Be thy when someone chooses drugs over their lives then they have to hit rock bottom for themselves.

It\'s scary for husband who has not been able to deal

1 More Response

Very nice..

its good to have family, I moved away after my last tour in Iraq. My brother was killed in Bagdad by an IED, I couldt face my mother after that. I was the one who came home on leave and talked him into inlisting in the infantry with me.

I'm sorry dear.

Thank you for sharing that it should come with a tissue warning though, i found it very touching and so sweet of you to say that the music was playing and you asked for his hand for a dance ok my eyes are a faucet again just thinking about it. Thank you again you are so lucky!

This story was so touching. I loved my Dad with all my heart. He meant so much to me. I have a blog dedicated to memories of him on my profile. Check it if you like. I'm going to put some finishing touches to it and then post it as a story on Father's Day. My Dad was the greatest man I've ever known. Thanks for such a sentimental piece. I'm so glad you reconciled.

I am very glad that you got the chance to reconnect with your Dad and it worked out for you. Some of us dont have that second chance. Good luck

I cant bear this pain anymore, its hurting me more than anything. I cant have my dad back and couldn't keep positive attitude ,which is not possible practically. I want to give up my life for myself which gives me relief. But i cant do so my mom, she feels like am everything to her. I cant hurt her, but she doesn't know and cant understand my sufferings. But i promised I'll take good care of her and relieve her from hard times she is going through. I love u mom. And i hate u dad for leaving me alone. Its all your fault, you should have thought about me while u were leaving me. You left with no choice and way to get u back. But dad please come back for me......

Sorry for your pain

its only been 7 weeks since my dad passed away and it is still so fresh in my mind i still get tears manly when i am alone i miss him so much i spent the week end with mum painting hiss bed room it was hard

my parents have been gone for 12 and 11 years now. there isn't a day that goes by, that i don't think of them.
for U, the time might pass slowly. the calender and your life will actually fly by.
what U do with that time, is up to you.
hang in there. U R not alone,

thanks for that this is my 1st death in the family that i have had to deal with and i had to do most of the arrangements ect so now i have the time to think and remember him it will get better in time i know thanks again

this brought me to happy tears....I hope things are still going well and you've been able to get even closer to your family since this was written. xo

I know I am a couple of years off from when you posted but its good to hear that things went well. How are things now?

You are so blessed and lucky! I'm so happy that you are talking to him. :) I hate my dad but I've always longed for that father daughter bond. I hope you two are still talking!

Daddies are suppose to live forever, and they do in our minds and in our hearts. I lost mine just over 8 years ago, yesterday was his birthday. It still hurts, and tears still flow from time to time, but I'm so thankful for the years I had with him and for his example. I recall things he told me when I'm in certain situations, and he was always right. I wish you peace and comfort as you carry on.

sometimes a body has to get lost so they can once again find themselves.<br />
i am happy for you....<br />
love em' up because they aren't gonna be here forever.

Fungirl you are one lucky lady, you will never know what it is like to not know your dad at all and you are indeed blessed to have a mum who loves and cares for you too. Treasure your parents luv and thank God for them every day.

Good for you!

i lost my dad, and i know how it feels...don't dishearten yourself. daddy's always love their little daughters...<3

So happy good things have come from this and I continue to hope things become even better. So happy for you and you're family you have reconnected with. Many more good times ahead!

If you cant do anything else, try using the network! Face book, mayby put an ad out there,twitter,skype,etc. Maybe ask some of his good friends that you know.

I am so happy that things are looking on the good side for you and your family

My father died on 14th February 2012 at 11.58pm..i kept looking at the clock thinking not valentines day...well not any day in fact.... he had prostate cancer, bowel cancer that spread to the lungs then eventually spread to the brain.. i am 38 and i feel like i can not go on i keep replaying that night over and over in my head believing that any minute now my dad will wake up and say to me and my brother, i have had a very long sleep and feel much better now and all will be ok..the truth was he was in great pain and he was on morphine so he was asleep all the time but i kept hoping he would just open his eyes for a minute so he knew we were there and to my delight he did for 2 minutes opened one eye with the other one half opened and just looked at myself and my brother we told how much we loved him and squeezed his hand so tight and stroked his face he was trying so very hard to say something but didn’t have the strength to but i no he would of said i love you. i cared for him in his last months but never thought he would actually die. i feel like i have lost a large part of me that i will never regain and don’t want anyone but my dad to repair it. he was absolutely everything to me i told him everything he gave me the best advice and he was always right about everything i now and no one else to talk to, my friends try so hard to get me out for a walk for fresh air but i feel like i don’t want anything but my dad and i too feel like screaming to everyone how can u all carry on like this!! i guess you always think that will never happen to me and when it does it is like someone has ripped your heart out and put a flame to it. today it is 1.38pm and i am still in bed with no interest in getting up or eating or talking to anyone just want my dad back, it is his funeral on Tuesday and i am going to see him for the last time on Monday. i am going to play a song that was one of our favorites and i have wrote a letter i will put in his jacket pocket. i am so sorry for everyones loss of their father on here it is unimaginable hurt and pain. a pain that i do not feel will ever go away just maybe learning to stride through life as if u are on a cloud.

Your dad would be loving you from above now mystyfie30 just think, no more pain for him and everlasting joy

heey there:)<br />
i lost my dad when I was six, I also have lost many people in my life, I know its<br />
not easy, I hate it when people say something about their dads and I feel really <br />
sad because I cant join in, well I though I couldnt, I now know to just join in and share<br />
my memories. <br />
I love memories, and to me as long as I have those memories, I know that my Dad is <br />
always going to be in my heart, and keeping a close eye on me.<br />
<br />
Dont think bad things, like wanting him back, change those thoughts into happy ones, and<br />
always smile at those memories, because I know he wouldnt want you to be sad over him!<br />
<br />
Keep Smiling! <br />
and message me if you want to talk because I know what it's like! :)