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May 22nd, 2008
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I
have attempted to write this story at least 2 to 3 dozen times since I added the experience to my profile but I always break down in tears and cannot finish it. Tonight I have been tearful already because I have had a tough week at work and on top of that relationship misunderstandings can take a toll on anyone so while I am crying already I will write my story through to the end.
I miss my dad more than I would miss my heart if it were ripped out of my chest and never returned. See my father is very much alive you see but I have not seen him or most of my family for a very long time. They don’t live that far away either; only about 60 to 90 minutes but due to unfortunate circumstances and irreconcilable differences I haven’t seen them in a long time. I miss my dad most of all. He is a very good man and nothing he did caused this problem in the family.
If I could go back and erase the last 5 years of life other than the very special friends I have made on EP and two other people I would give it all up to be able to go back to what I had previously. Anyhow I am missing my dad tonight just like I do every night.
FUNGIRL UPDATE: I am writing my dad a letter and I will be sending it next week. I will be posting the letter here for all of you to read in honor of all you folks that took the time to post a comment for me and urging me to do this. I will also be coming back with updates to let you know how it goes. Your outpouring of love, support, and genuine concern for me is overwhelming and I certainly do not deserve all this but I do want to thank each and every one of you that have posted to this story. Because of you I will take the action to repair the broken wheel and hopefully we will be riding smoothly soon. I will let you know.
FUNGIRL'S LETTER:
September 4, 2008
Dear Dad,
You’ve done your best to take care of me ever since I was a little. You tried to raise me with good values and a sense of right and wrong. You taught me everything you could (or at least everything I was willing to learn), and sent me out into the world with a bittersweet thought that your baby had grown up. Well, I’ll tell you what, I still haven’t grown up, but I am trying. It’s hard to be an adult, you know. Life can get so hectic and tiring. So many people give up on being good. It’s hard to watch that happen. I guess the one comfort is that there is always hope. Hope for tomorrow. Hope for better times. Hope for the things that last.
I do owe you-- more than I could ever pay. All the sacrifices you made and all the tears you cried were not a waste. I know you did your best for me. I need to tell you that I appreciate that. We both know neither of us was perfect. That doesn’t matter. Perfection is overrated. What matters is that you cared. You cared and you gave and you wanted everyone to be happy. More important still is that you never gave up. Sure, you lost a battle here and there, but you bravely won the war. You finished the race. You passed the test... with f*ckingly spectacular, flying colors.
So how do you thank someone like that? How do you give back to someone who has spent his entire life doing absolutely everything he could do for you? Honestly, I can’t answer that question. I can only hope and pray that God reminds me every day of what you went through for me. I can try and tell you how lucky I feel to have such a wonderful dad and I can work to give back to you a little of what you gave to me; the best gift of all, the gift of my dad's love. It’s been a long time coming, but I think I finally get it. Thank you, Dad. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
One more thing; no matter what happens, Dad, I want you to know that I will always be your baby and that I do love you. I am forever “daddy's little girl” so please call me and we will talk things over because I am missing you tonight like I have every night for the last 5 years and it is time that we forget the past and move into the future. I am holding out my hand and the music is playing. If your feet can take it may I have this dance because I really am missing you?
Love,
Jaycee
UPDATE:
I GO TO SEE MY FATHER ON MONDAY...WISH ME LUCK AND PRAY FOR ME AS I NEED IT.
UPDATE 4/30/2009:
I have my father and most of my family back in my life. It has been a long journey to get where we are and I won't say it is perfect, but I have my mom and dad eating dinner with me a couple of times so far plus we have gone shopping. My mom has been planting flowers with me and loving me. It is a special time in my life as I get to re-know these people. Thanks for all your prayers and well wishes. It is a long journey I have to get to my destination, but I feel like a burden was listed in this situation. I love each and every one of you for all the thoughts and the comments that you have made to help me along this path. I really do. Okay now that I have tears in my eyes again I will stop before I break out crying.
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  | Posted Sep 3rd, 2008 at 4:31PM 5 years is a long time. It's possible your dad fells the same way. I had a very screwed up family and even though I don't know specifics what I read is similar. I kept mailing letters expressing my feelings and I would include pictures and my phone number. Finally a couple years later out of the blue I got a phone call and we have talked and worked out our differences. If you cna keep in your mind what you want and take little steps to make it happen it will. It certianly can't get any worse can it? Write a letter, then if no response, write another one and another one. Eventually something will happen. Good Luck. +2 nods   |
 | Posted Sep 3rd, 2008 at 8:53PM Thanks for the comment. I may do that. |
 | Posted Sep 3rd, 2008 at 10:33PM I lost 3 parents in six months... I was adopted, found my birth parents, hense the 3. The first was my adopted father, my best friend, advice giver and where I found solice from life when I would by my own doing spin out of control. Never risk loosing by choice those that mean the most to you. Time heals all wounds, and those that are not healed find only pride standing in their way. I understand when tears don't stop falling. I have finally convenced myself that its okay .... sometimes.. but sharing it... very rarely. Thank you for giving a place to feel.. +2 nods |
| Posted Sep 4th, 2008 at 9:43AM Thanks for your comments. |
 | Posted Sep 4th, 2008 at 9:54AM Try to at least get back in contact with you dad, fun, ya never know what is around the next bend and once they are gone there is no turning back. It hurts so much knowing that although there were differences in miles and I could not get to him bc of circumstances I couldn't get to mine when he needed me most. Don't let others stand in your way of being with your dad. He is your dad too! |
 | Posted Sep 4th, 2008 at 9:58AM I am sorry, FG...I really hope that you can at least tell him how you feel. Love you, FG. (((((((((((((((FG)))))))))))))))) |
 Feeling confident | Posted Sep 4th, 2008 at 10:41AM No matter what you did.. . I bet your Dad is missing you as much as you are missing him. If i was you I would take the time and tell him how you feel. Who knows it just might be a great reunion for the both of you. |
| Posted Sep 4th, 2008 at 12:13PM Unless you have kids, you can't really understand how your Dad misses you. Were one of my kids gone from my life, it would gnaw at me every day. Get in touch with your dad. If he had nothing to do with the rift, then don't make him suffer for it. I'm certain he wants to hear from you as much as you want to reach out to him. If the rest of the family is acting crazy, this may put him in an uncomfortable spot, but you should make the effort just the same. I went through five years of being on the outs with my family in my early 20s, and don't regret patching things up with them. Note that patching things up doesn't have to equate letting them walk all over you -- my mother is a basket case and it took my establishing really strong boundaries and enforcing them a few times to make this a comfortable relationship. But it'd be well worth the effort to reach out to this man who's been unwittingly caught up in a larger problem. |
| Posted Sep 4th, 2008 at 12:41PM I know where you are coming from, I think I might have seen my dad 3 times in the last 30 years, those were only when someone got married or died. I lost my mother when I was 5 and then my stepmother at the age of 16. He married again and she is the epitome of the wicked stepmother. There is nothing I can do when it comes to his devotion and love for a woman, that my siblings or I can stand. What I did was to write a letter to him, expressing how much I loved and missed him, he was not the one that I was angry with, that it was the woman that he chose over his children. IF that is your case then it is a suggestion. |
 | Posted Sep 4th, 2008 at 1:14PM I live 5 hrs flight away from my family, each year when I go back to visit them, I see my parents getting older and older. So follow your heart FG, because time waits for no one. +2 nods |
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