I Miss My Dad
I have attempted to write this story at least 2 to 3 dozen times since I added the experience to my profile but I always break down in tears and cannot finish it. Tonight I have been tearful already because I have had a tough week at work and on top of that relationship misunderstandings can take a toll on anyone so while I am crying already I will write my story through to the end.
I miss my dad more than I would miss my heart if it were ripped out of my chest and never returned. See my father is very much alive you see but I have not seen him or most of my family for a very long time. They don’t live that far away either; only about 60 to 90 minutes but due to unfortunate circumstances and irreconcilable differences I haven’t seen them in a long time. I miss my dad most of all. He is a very good man and nothing he did caused this problem in the family.
If I could go back and erase the last 5 years of life other than the very special friends I have made on EP and two other people I would give it all up to be able to go back to what I had previously. Anyhow I am missing my dad tonight just like I do every night.
FUNGIRL UPDATE: I am writing my dad a letter and I will be sending it next week. I will be posting the letter here for all of you to read in honor of all you folks that took the time to post a comment for me and urging me to do this. I will also be coming back with updates to let you know how it goes. Your outpouring of love, support, and genuine concern for me is overwhelming and I certainly do not deserve all this but I do want to thank each and every one of you that have posted to this story. Because of you I will take the action to repair the broken wheel and hopefully we will be riding smoothly soon. I will let you know.
FUNGIRL'S LETTER:
September 4, 2008
Dear Dad,
You’ve done your best to take care of me ever since I was a little. You tried to raise me with good values and a sense of right and wrong. You taught me everything you could (or at least everything I was willing to learn), and sent me out into the world with a bittersweet thought that your baby had grown up. Well, I’ll tell you what, I still haven’t grown up, but I am trying. It’s hard to be an adult, you know. Life can get so hectic and tiring. So many people give up on being good. It’s hard to watch that happen. I guess the one comfort is that there is always hope. Hope for tomorrow. Hope for better times. Hope for the things that last.
I do owe you-- more than I could ever pay. All the sacrifices you made and all the tears you cried were not a waste. I know you did your best for me. I need to tell you that I appreciate that. We both know neither of us was perfect. That doesn’t matter. Perfection is overrated. What matters is that you cared. You cared and you gave and you wanted everyone to be happy. More important still is that you never gave up. Sure, you lost a battle here and there, but you bravely won the war. You finished the race. You passed the test... with f*ckingly spectacular, flying colors.
So how do you thank someone like that? How do you give back to someone who has spent his entire life doing absolutely everything he could do for you? Honestly, I can’t answer that question. I can only hope and pray that God reminds me every day of what you went through for me. I can try and tell you how lucky I feel to have such a wonderful dad and I can work to give back to you a little of what you gave to me; the best gift of all, the gift of my dad's love. It’s been a long time coming, but I think I finally get it. Thank you, Dad. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
One more thing; no matter what happens, Dad, I want you to know that I will always be your baby and that I do love you. I am forever “daddy's little girl” so please call me and we will talk things over because I am missing you tonight like I have every night for the last 5 years and it is time that we forget the past and move into the future. I am holding out my hand and the music is playing. If your feet can take it may I have this dance because I really am missing you?
Love,
Jaycee
UPDATE:
I GO TO SEE MY FATHER ON MONDAY...WISH ME LUCK AND PRAY FOR ME AS I NEED IT.
UPDATE 4/30/2009:
I have my father and most of my family back in my life. It has been a long journey to get where we are and I won't say it is perfect, but I have my mom and dad eating dinner with me a couple of times so far plus we have gone shopping. My mom has been planting flowers with me and loving me. It is a special time in my life as I get to re-know these people. Thanks for all your prayers and well wishes. It is a long journey I have to get to my destination, but I feel like a burden was listed in this situation. I love each and every one of you for all the thoughts and the comments that you have made to help me along this path. I really do. Okay now that I have tears in my eyes again I will stop before I break out crying.
