Feeling The Pain Of Not Having My Dad Around.

When I was 2 years old my father left my mother and I and moved far away. I don't remember when I was little but my mother told me that one night when we were praying when I was 4, I told my mother to cover her ears because I wanted to ask God something. So she did, but she could still hear me. I closed my eyes and said. "God I wished that my daddy loved me." My mother was almost in tears. My father cared more about his new girlfriend then he did about his small daughter. When I did talk to him when I was young he would only tell me about his girlfriend. So one day I asked "Daddy why do you only talk about your girlfriend." My father thought that whenever I brought something like that up my mom told me to say it. Which was never the case. I saw him for 3 weeks when I was 4. He was only supposed to have me for 2 weeks but he broke his promise to my mother. I would call her every night crying to come home because I ddin't like it there with my dad. When my parents would talk on the phone they would scream, and yell horrible things to each other. When that happened I ran to my room and hid under the blankets. The next time I saw him was when I was 8 years old. 4 years later... He came to town and I had a ok time with him. But again my parents were fighting. I haven't seen him since. Things happened in my life and my mother and I had to move in with my grand-parents. My father hates both of them and refuses to call the house because he doesn't want to hear their voices. So if I want to talk I have to call him. My father does not pay child support and when I ask him he tells me I have to ask for everything I want. Which I shouldn't have to. The last time I talked to him was about a month ago. I was talking and then told him that my mother and I were going to buy a house soon so we could move out of my grand-parents. So in order to move out we need him to help out with me. So he began to yell at me, saying that "IS THAT THE ONLY REASON YOU CALLED ME?! TO BEG ME FOR MONEY?!!" I felt the tears coming so I said. "You know what dad I really have to go." He hang up on me. My father loves to argue with people, every little chance he gets he'll argue with you. My father says me loves me but if he really did then why won't he come down and see me? Or buy me a plane ticket so I can see him? All of my friends know that my father is not in my life. (I'm the only one in the class that doesn't have a dad in their life) On Father's Day when everyone is talking about what they will do with their dad I just want to scream and cry at them. Because they know it hurts me, but they do it anyway. A girl in my class was crying one day because he father worked late last night and she didn't see him at all I got up from my seat and screamed at her. I am 12 years old now so I haven't seen him in 4 and a half years. In my opinion that's to much for a young 12 year old to handle. I yelled and asked her. "WHY ARE YOU SO SPECIAL!! WOW ONE DAY WITHOUT YOUR DAD BIG DEAL! TRY GOING 4 YEARS!!!! SO STOP YOUR CRYING AND SHUT UP!" Yes I know that was mean but she knew about my situation why would she even cry about it when I'm in the room? I feel so sad and alone, I have a great mom but I need a male figure in my life. I know a lot of people's dad's died and they hurt, but I think I am hurting more. Because their dad's loved them, mine doesn't. He's still alive and does not care if he see's me.

Another sad story from when I was 9.
MY mother and father both went to the same high school. And before she met my dad she was dating a man named Bob. (Not his real name) Bob broke her heart. Now when I was 9, my mom's ex boyfriend emailed my dad and told him my mother was hanging out with Bob. My father flipped out because he hates Bob more then anything in the world. But he shouldn't care because my parents are over and whatever my mother wants to do with her life is no business of his. When I tried to call him the next day he didn't answer. He did that for a month. When me and my mother got in a fight I screamed. "YOUR THE REASON WHY MY DADDY DOESN'T LOVE ME!!" My mother refused to take the blame for him. So she sat me down and told me everything.
If my mother takes him for child support he will NEVER talk to me again. There is no chance he will have any contact with me. Which is sad, that this is what it's come down to. But I'm prepared. He does not deserve me. And it's his loss not mine. He is just a miserable person so he tries to take everyone down with him. So when he's old and alone and I am happy married, have a family, I hope he regrets everything he's done to me. And when he tries to start a relationship with me i'm going to laugh in his face.
ApplePie1804 ApplePie1804
May 19, 2012