I Miss Him Everyday

My father was an amazing man I'm glad to have found a husband that reminds me of him in many aspects i think my father would approve if not really like my husband. My father passed away a month before my 21st birthday its been four years now and its still so hard to believe that his gone. He was my best friend and was always there non judgmental and always supportive of my choices in life unless they were obviously bad ones. I have healed a lot since he passed on most days i can think about him and it wont make me sad. But there are still days when I get so angry that he left this world before he got to see his only daughter get married or the birth of any of my children that i will have. I'm angry that hes not there to talk to any more when i need advice or when i just don't feel like i can talk to anyone else about what im dealing with. Before he died i would call him every day. the last words i said to him were that i loved him I don't like to think about that conversation much as that too makes me angry. i called him to see how his doctor's visit had gone he had been diagnosed with Hep. C early in my life so i was always worried about his health he told me that the biopsy on his liver had went well and they gave him a clean bill of health for another year. Then the next day i received a call from my brother telling me he was gone. I had the most unreasonable urge to accuse my brother of lying to me and had it been my other brother i might have but i knew he was telling the truth. I don't really remember much of the two year after that really i was deeply depressed and in a haze. I did not find out till years after what my father had really died of an accidental overdose my oldest brother had kept it from me worried of what i might think. i know my father would have never taken his own life he had a new grandchild and was so proud of her he sent me pictures of her all the time. He was my link really to most of my family and how their lives were going as im not much of a talker and am bad at keeping in touch. I'm grateful and so thankful for the time i was blessed to have him in my life but god how i miss him and i wish i wasn't but im still so angry he was taken from my life before he should have been and im still so angry at all the moments i wish he was there for but hes not. Mostly though i just hope he knew how much i loved and adored him.
mouseykit mouseykit 22-25, F Jun 22, 2012

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