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9 Months On...

It's been nearly 9 months since my wonderful Dad passed away. The shock and numbness are wearing off but the pain is still very raw. I knew it would be hard but I didn't anticipate how strong the feelings of loss and emptiness would be. What I wouldn't give to see him again!

I'll never stop missing him but I know in time the pain will start to fade. Already I find myself thinking of him in a happier light. Not ill and unhappy as he was at the end but the way he was for most of his life. Happy, positive and always making me laugh. He was truly one in a million and I'm so lucky to have had him as my Dad. I thought I'd always appreciated him when he was alive but now he's gone I look back and realise I had no idea how blessed I was to have him around. That saying about not knowing what we have until it's gone is SO true!

It would have been Dad's birthday in a few weeks. I'll probably cry my eyes out but I want to do something positive to celebrate his life. That's what Dad would want. I wondered if anyone has any advice for getting through that first birthday and also what others have done to mark the day in a positive way?

 

Thanks for listening.

L

Liette Liette 36-40, F 51 Responses Jul 3, 2008

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My dad died on November 2, 2012. I think about him all day every day. I feel like the whole world is living and I am in limbo. I miss him so much. I keep wanting to pick up the phone and call him and I know I can't. His birthday is tomorrow, November 17th. He would be 80 years old and I don't know how I will make it thru the day. I think I will take a ballon to his grave, let go of it and tell him I am sending it to him in heaven.

I lost my father two months ago and I feel the same way you do. I am planing to go back in the pass by playing all his b-day parties and watching him blow his candles like he was there.

My heart go's out to you. I like you can always think of my Mum & Dad laughing & joking around & being daft which fortunatley was most of the time. They were both a tower of strength for me & others.

I never think of them in the last days of there life when they both unfortunatley became unwell.

Even then they tried to remain cheerful & succeeded. They've both been gone now for 4 or 5 years & I still miss them so x.

Am sorry hugs for you sweetie. I know what you are going through, i lost my in oct 2003. And it feels like yesterday .I miss him everyday.

Am sorry hugs for you sweetie. I know what you are going through, i lost my in oct 2003. And it feels like yesterday .I miss him everyday.

it is very diffullt to forget our loved ones. same is with me i miss my sister who passed away ten months bck

I am new to this website. My dad just died 5 days ago from a ruptured ulcer. The most painful thing is that it was not life threatening initially, but he didn't go to the doctor, he thought it was just a bad stomach virus. So he took some pain meds, had a few drinks, and went to sleep, as things leaked out of his stomach and caused a deadly infection in his abdomen. His girlfriend found him not breathing they were able to revive him, however the internal damage and brain damage were irreversible by then, and I held his hand as watched him die. That day seems like a dream to me. I already miss him more than life itself, and its only been a few days. Tuesday july 19th would have been his 61st birthday. This pain is almost unbearable, and his funeral is tomorrow. I dont know how people make it though this. My siblings and mom are holding up much better then I am, and my husband has been great, but very worried about me. How do people get through this?

I am new to this website. My dad just died 5 days ago from a ruptured ulcer. The most painful thing is that it was not life threatening initially, but he didn't go to the doctor, he thought it was just a bad stomach virus. So he took some pain meds, had a few drinks, and went to sleep, as things leaked out of his stomach and caused a deadly infection in his abdomen. His girlfriend found him not breathing they were able to revive him, however the internal damage and brain damage were irreversible by then, and I held his hand as watched him die. That day seems like a dream to me. I already miss him more than life itself, and its only been a few days. Tuesday july 19th would have been his 61st birthday. This pain is almost unbearable, and his funeral is tomorrow. I dont know how people make it though this. My siblings and mom are holding up much better then I am, and my husband has been great, but very worried about me. How do people get through this?

I lost my mom (will be 3 yes on July 30th) yes it gets easier to deal with over time but there are still those days that come out of nowhere that will get your emotions. They will just be less frequent. I agree with others above, don't let ANYONE tell you to "get over it" because they either have not had to deal with this yet or they are just headless. Now my dad...he is about to turn 70 beginning of Aug but was dx with Alzheimer's in March and it has rapidly progressed to my worse fear. I visited in March just prior to his dx and it was hit and miss if he knew who the heck I was or not. Broke my heart. Now I just wait for the dreaded phone call also. He is technically already "gone" but may be going into a home due to his condition. Part of me wishes God would just take him now to relieve him of this for Hurd and my heart breaks to know he is not "him"any longer. Don't mean to be a downer. Guess I needed to get that all out as my husband is the "get over it" type of person. But the pain does spread out. It will always ache in your heart but that's because we loved them sooo much. Time does help. Hang in there!!

Please remember we only see what we call "death" from only one side.

If someone walks into another room ,you dont see them but, ...you know they are there.

One day we all move to that next room (unless if you plan to live forever ..good luck with that) and we discover there is more to it.

Dont not become overwhelmed by loss..we only see it from this side.

Your Father is still there for you.

By reading your experiences really make me think of my dad. My dad died by lung cancer, and I was always my fathers little girl or angel as he called me. It was a pretty hard time for me, I didn't wanted to talk to anyone, I was constantly angry and upset. And when he died, It felt like I died. The first week I couldn't face what happened, I didn't believe that anything had happened. But later I couldn't sleep, and know I think of him every minute. I'm upset with everything, with him, with god, with myself. I regret for doing stuff my dad wouldn't approve on. I miss seeing him, when I come home from school and he ask's me how my school was today. I miss fighting with him about my allowance and I miss the way I used to kiss him on the cheek before I went to sleep. I always felt that no one knew how I felt, but by reading your experiences I don't feel so alone anymore. Thank you guys.

First of all I am sorry for your loss. It is an experience that is life changing. A piece of you goes away for good. It has been five years since my father passed away. If still feels like yesterday. You learn to get by each day and you become less numb. It's not even a year for you, it took me two years to fully function again.

You will always have memories that are as clear as yesterday. you will never lose those. Everybody is differen't. I feel for your loss and am very sorry. TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME that's is the best advice that I can give you. This is the year of firsts, It's the hardest. Fist Fathers Day First Birthday, holiday etc. You will get through this in time. Take care.



My father was an Irishman and also a poet, the author is unknown.



AN IRISH POEM: Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep.I am a thousand winds that blow;I am the diamond glints on the snow.I am the sunlight that ripened grain;I am the gentle autumns’s rain.When you awaken in the morning’s hush,I am the swift uplifting rush,Of quiet birds in circled flight.I am the soft star that shines at night.Do not stand at my grave and cry.I am not there; I did not die.

Hi

My Dad passed away 2 years ago now, and I can tell you, that in my experience, it was the worse day of my life so far. Time they say is a great healer, but it doesnt stop you missing them so so much.

My experience was very traumatic for me as my dad died suddenly the day after my baby was born and it made me feel so guilty as someone had mentioned the one in, one out theory, so I felt that he had to make way for my daughter. I still miss my dad so much each day and often wish he was here to share all the things that have happened since he passed. The main thing that I focus on is that he loved us all so much when he was alive and would have walked to the end of the earth for us, ( he proved that the day before he died, when he was the first one at the hospital to see his new grandaughter, proud as punch, when he was obviously not at his best) and that is the reason that we all miss him so much. Time will heal, but you will never stop missing him. x

Hi

My Dad passed away 2 years ago now, and I can tell you, that in my experience, it was the worse day of my life so far. Time they say is a great healer, but it doesnt stop you missing them so so much.

My experience was very traumatic for me as my dad died suddenly the day after my baby was born and it made me feel so guilty as someone had mentioned the one in, one out theory, so I felt that he had to make way for my daughter. I still miss my dad so much each day and often wish he was here to share all the things that have happened since he passed. The main thing that I focus on is that he loved us all so much when he was alive and would have walked to the end of the earth for us, ( he proved that the day before he died, when he was the first one at the hospital to see his new grandaughter, proud as punch, when he was obviously not at his best) and that is the reason that we all miss him so much. Time will heal, but you will never stop missing him. x

My Father died in 2002, 2 hrs. before my parents anniversary. I stayed with him while he was at his worst, and he was so miserable he tried to take his life by swallowing a bunch of pills. He almost did it. I do not like to think about those times, it was terrible. My Father had died from drinking. I remember going to visit him in 2001, and him drinking at 10:00 in the morning. He stopped when he learned he was dying. Maybe he should have stopped while he was healthy, and he'd still be here. I still get upset when I think about it. Thanks for listening.

I lost my dad at age 17 and its been 12 years. You never get over the loss and sometimes the wound feels fresh. His birthday and the day he passed away are just 4 days apart. I give charity in his name on the day he passed on. Its not the birthday or the death anniversary that causes pain now. Its the random recall trigerred by some event or place.

The one year anniversary of my Father's Death is in 2 weeks. The pain is still raw and deep but everyday it gets a little better. I don't cry myself to sleep anymore and I don't find myself balling when I see pictures of him anymore. I know he lives on through me, and because I realized that, I know i need to live. That meant to me, that I had to not live in sadness. On his birthday a few months ago, I got his signature tattooed on my foot. He was a vietnam veteran and I got the vietnam ribbon tattooed by his signature. It was something intensely personal to him and personal to me. It was... perfect. What you do for your Dad, should be that way for you.

My dad died over 20 years ago but i still miss him so much My dads last birthday i celebrated by eating my dads favourite chocolate it was my childs idea to celebrate his birthday every year by doing something that reminded me of him something he liked

I know what you mean, 4 days after my 20th birthday my dad had a massive heart attck when he was 45, yes very young, it will be 11 years this december and every fathers day, birthday mostly all holidays I miss him greatly,but one positive thing I do is get a helium filled balloon and tie it to his grave and that helps me alot and since I was daddy's little girl I know he is upstairs watching over me.. would love to chat with you more bout this subject I don't have anyone to talk to about this my mom is married again and she says "I don't want to talk about it Jennifer."

You are blessed to have had a father to confide in, love, argue, laught and enjoy the companionship that a father gives. Cherish those memories and never forget the good times. Celebrate his passing because he is in a better world but he is always with you so don't think you're whacky if you find yourself talking to him.

I am a 55 year old male and never knew my father. My step-father hated me and I suffered serious mental and physical abuse until I left home at the age of 17. Never forget your dad and keep him special in your heart.

i am very sorry that you have lost your dad. i hope that you have brighter days ahead.

I also lost my Dad 3 yrs. ago. He passed away 4 months before his 78th birthday. I think I took my Mom on his birthday and we spent the day together shopping and going out to eat. She needed to get out of the house and I needed to spend some time with her. Time will slowly help to heal your broken heart but meanwhile spend his birthday with someone you love. I'm sure that would make him happy. God Bless.

I know how you feel. My grandpa was like a dad to me & he passed away in less then a month do to stomach cancer! Like you said what I wouldn't give to see him again. He was my family's rock! I'll be praying for you!

my father passed away when i was ten years old. almost 9 years ago now and i have still never fullt grieved. the fact that you can talk about this and ask for advice is so much more than you realise already, you're not in denial, you're not angry but you are trying to see what you can do to make ur time here better. thats amazing, it really is! my mother and i go out to tea on my dads birthday, we tend to celebrate that instead of the anniversary of his death, i dont kno why, but we always have cake and photos and its nice to reminisce about the times we had together. i dont kno if this helps in any way but i jus wanted to say congratulations on taking it well, even though you may feel like ur not at all and its a horrible feeling i kno, but ull get there, take care xo

I sometimes still dream about my father, even though he died 13 years ago, rather suddenly. If I can try to offer you some comfort (hopefully), it seems that with each passing year I feel more sympathy and love for him, and feel that I understand and appreciate him better, as I edge ever closer to the age he was when he died (50). May you have that comfort too. Take care -- Andrew

Losing somebody dear is always painful. My prayers are with you.

Thanks, for posting. I can relate cuz my father was so intelligent and always made sure we were taken care of. He passed away early, last August as it was a shock to ALL of us (We thought he'd make it through, cuz he was a healthy man-always eating and exercising all through his life-It was so ironic that he lost his life, because of a lung and heart problem that seemed to just pop up out of NOWHERE). It was not fair, so I can relate to your struggles, here. We all miss my father (Especially me).

I hope you feel better.

Peace,

spaceyangelgirl

Your story reminds me of a song sung by Nancy Sinatra it's called "It's For My Dad". Look it up on Youtube and listen to it :) It's a very sweet song for all great dad's out there. I'm sorry to hear about your loss. At least you have great memories of him when he was well. :)

hey there,

everyone will lose their parents one day, right? but it's just sad when it has to happen way too early. It sucks big time... I'm truly sorry you lost your dad. I know how that feels. I lost mine just a year ago, he died of pancreatic cancer.



I was a mess after that... But hey, I'm only 17 when he died. I wish I have strength like yours to think more positive about what my dad would have wanted from me.



Well... All the best in everything that is to come! :)

It was a year for my dad in August and it was the toughest thing to ever go through. he was playing with my 2 kids at my house until around 4pm then my mom and dad left to go to the patriots stadium to watch them practice, when i got the phonecall at 615 from my mom at the stadium that my dad suffered a massive heart attack and passed away.. i know what you are going through and it is far from easy. especially this time of the year. it is especially tough now. my dad was only 56 years old at that time.. i miss him so damn much. he was such a big part of my life and my kids life.... if anyone wants to talk about this kind of situation, feel free to email me at emilys722051@yahoo.com