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9 Months On...

It's been nearly 9 months since my wonderful Dad passed away. The shock and numbness are wearing off but the pain is still very raw. I knew it would be hard but I didn't anticipate how strong the feelings of loss and emptiness would be. What I wouldn't give to see him again!

I'll never stop missing him but I know in time the pain will start to fade. Already I find myself thinking of him in a happier light. Not ill and unhappy as he was at the end but the way he was for most of his life. Happy, positive and always making me laugh. He was truly one in a million and I'm so lucky to have had him as my Dad. I thought I'd always appreciated him when he was alive but now he's gone I look back and realise I had no idea how blessed I was to have him around. That saying about not knowing what we have until it's gone is SO true!

It would have been Dad's birthday in a few weeks. I'll probably cry my eyes out but I want to do something positive to celebrate his life. That's what Dad would want. I wondered if anyone has any advice for getting through that first birthday and also what others have done to mark the day in a positive way?

 

Thanks for listening.

L

Liette Liette 36-40, F 51 Responses Jul 3, 2008

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My dad died on November 2, 2012. I think about him all day every day. I feel like the whole world is living and I am in limbo. I miss him so much. I keep wanting to pick up the phone and call him and I know I can't. His birthday is tomorrow, November 17th. He would be 80 years old and I don't know how I will make it thru the day. I think I will take a ballon to his grave, let go of it and tell him I am sending it to him in heaven.

I lost my father two months ago and I feel the same way you do. I am planing to go back in the pass by playing all his b-day parties and watching him blow his candles like he was there.

My heart go's out to you. I like you can always think of my Mum & Dad laughing & joking around & being daft which fortunatley was most of the time. They were both a tower of strength for me & others.<br />
I never think of them in the last days of there life when they both unfortunatley became unwell.<br />
Even then they tried to remain cheerful & succeeded. They've both been gone now for 4 or 5 years & I still miss them so x.

Am sorry hugs for you sweetie. I know what you are going through, i lost my in oct 2003. And it feels like yesterday .I miss him everyday.

Am sorry hugs for you sweetie. I know what you are going through, i lost my in oct 2003. And it feels like yesterday .I miss him everyday.

it is very diffullt to forget our loved ones. same is with me i miss my sister who passed away ten months bck

I am new to this website. My dad just died 5 days ago from a ruptured ulcer. The most painful thing is that it was not life threatening initially, but he didn't go to the doctor, he thought it was just a bad stomach virus. So he took some pain meds, had a few drinks, and went to sleep, as things leaked out of his stomach and caused a deadly infection in his abdomen. His girlfriend found him not breathing they were able to revive him, however the internal damage and brain damage were irreversible by then, and I held his hand as watched him die. That day seems like a dream to me. I already miss him more than life itself, and its only been a few days. Tuesday july 19th would have been his 61st birthday. This pain is almost unbearable, and his funeral is tomorrow. I dont know how people make it though this. My siblings and mom are holding up much better then I am, and my husband has been great, but very worried about me. How do people get through this?

I am new to this website. My dad just died 5 days ago from a ruptured ulcer. The most painful thing is that it was not life threatening initially, but he didn't go to the doctor, he thought it was just a bad stomach virus. So he took some pain meds, had a few drinks, and went to sleep, as things leaked out of his stomach and caused a deadly infection in his abdomen. His girlfriend found him not breathing they were able to revive him, however the internal damage and brain damage were irreversible by then, and I held his hand as watched him die. That day seems like a dream to me. I already miss him more than life itself, and its only been a few days. Tuesday july 19th would have been his 61st birthday. This pain is almost unbearable, and his funeral is tomorrow. I dont know how people make it though this. My siblings and mom are holding up much better then I am, and my husband has been great, but very worried about me. How do people get through this?

I lost my mom (will be 3 yes on July 30th) yes it gets easier to deal with over time but there are still those days that come out of nowhere that will get your emotions. They will just be less frequent. I agree with others above, don't let ANYONE tell you to "get over it" because they either have not had to deal with this yet or they are just headless. Now my dad...he is about to turn 70 beginning of Aug but was dx with Alzheimer's in March and it has rapidly progressed to my worse fear. I visited in March just prior to his dx and it was hit and miss if he knew who the heck I was or not. Broke my heart. Now I just wait for the dreaded phone call also. He is technically already "gone" but may be going into a home due to his condition. Part of me wishes God would just take him now to relieve him of this for Hurd and my heart breaks to know he is not "him"any longer. Don't mean to be a downer. Guess I needed to get that all out as my husband is the "get over it" type of person. But the pain does spread out. It will always ache in your heart but that's because we loved them sooo much. Time does help. Hang in there!!

Please remember we only see what we call "death" from only one side.<br />
If someone walks into another room ,you dont see them but, ...you know they are there.<br />
One day we all move to that next room (unless if you plan to live forever ..good luck with that) and we discover there is more to it.<br />
Dont not become overwhelmed by loss..we only see it from this side.<br />
Your Father is still there for you.

By reading your experiences really make me think of my dad. My dad died by lung cancer, and I was always my fathers little girl or angel as he called me. It was a pretty hard time for me, I didn't wanted to talk to anyone, I was constantly angry and upset. And when he died, It felt like I died. The first week I couldn't face what happened, I didn't believe that anything had happened. But later I couldn't sleep, and know I think of him every minute. I'm upset with everything, with him, with god, with myself. I regret for doing stuff my dad wouldn't approve on. I miss seeing him, when I come home from school and he ask's me how my school was today. I miss fighting with him about my allowance and I miss the way I used to kiss him on the cheek before I went to sleep. I always felt that no one knew how I felt, but by reading your experiences I don't feel so alone anymore. Thank you guys.

First of all I am sorry for your loss. It is an experience that is life changing. A piece of you goes away for good. It has been five years since my father passed away. If still feels like yesterday. You learn to get by each day and you become less numb. It's not even a year for you, it took me two years to fully function again.<br />
You will always have memories that are as clear as yesterday. you will never lose those. Everybody is differen't. I feel for your loss and am very sorry. TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME that's is the best advice that I can give you. This is the year of firsts, It's the hardest. Fist Fathers Day First Birthday, holiday etc. You will get through this in time. Take care.<br />
<br />
My father was an Irishman and also a poet, the author is unknown.<br />
<br />
AN IRISH POEM: Do not stand at my grave and weep,<br />
I am not there, I do not sleep.I am a thousand winds that blow;I am the diamond glints on the snow.I am the sunlight that ripened grain;I am the gentle autumns’s rain.When you awaken in the morning’s hush,I am the swift uplifting rush,Of quiet birds in circled flight.I am the soft star that shines at night.Do not stand at my grave and cry.I am not there; I did not die.

Hi<br />
My Dad passed away 2 years ago now, and I can tell you, that in my experience, it was the worse day of my life so far. Time they say is a great healer, but it doesnt stop you missing them so so much. <br />
My experience was very traumatic for me as my dad died suddenly the day after my baby was born and it made me feel so guilty as someone had mentioned the one in, one out theory, so I felt that he had to make way for my daughter. I still miss my dad so much each day and often wish he was here to share all the things that have happened since he passed. The main thing that I focus on is that he loved us all so much when he was alive and would have walked to the end of the earth for us, ( he proved that the day before he died, when he was the first one at the hospital to see his new grandaughter, proud as punch, when he was obviously not at his best) and that is the reason that we all miss him so much. Time will heal, but you will never stop missing him. x

Hi<br />
My Dad passed away 2 years ago now, and I can tell you, that in my experience, it was the worse day of my life so far. Time they say is a great healer, but it doesnt stop you missing them so so much. <br />
My experience was very traumatic for me as my dad died suddenly the day after my baby was born and it made me feel so guilty as someone had mentioned the one in, one out theory, so I felt that he had to make way for my daughter. I still miss my dad so much each day and often wish he was here to share all the things that have happened since he passed. The main thing that I focus on is that he loved us all so much when he was alive and would have walked to the end of the earth for us, ( he proved that the day before he died, when he was the first one at the hospital to see his new grandaughter, proud as punch, when he was obviously not at his best) and that is the reason that we all miss him so much. Time will heal, but you will never stop missing him. x

My Father died in 2002, 2 hrs. before my parents anniversary. I stayed with him while he was at his worst, and he was so miserable he tried to take his life by swallowing a bunch of pills. He almost did it. I do not like to think about those times, it was terrible. My Father had died from drinking. I remember going to visit him in 2001, and him drinking at 10:00 in the morning. He stopped when he learned he was dying. Maybe he should have stopped while he was healthy, and he'd still be here. I still get upset when I think about it. Thanks for listening.

I lost my dad at age 17 and its been 12 years. You never get over the loss and sometimes the wound feels fresh. His birthday and the day he passed away are just 4 days apart. I give charity in his name on the day he passed on. Its not the birthday or the death anniversary that causes pain now. Its the random recall trigerred by some event or place.

The one year anniversary of my Father's Death is in 2 weeks. The pain is still raw and deep but everyday it gets a little better. I don't cry myself to sleep anymore and I don't find myself balling when I see pictures of him anymore. I know he lives on through me, and because I realized that, I know i need to live. That meant to me, that I had to not live in sadness. On his birthday a few months ago, I got his signature tattooed on my foot. He was a vietnam veteran and I got the vietnam ribbon tattooed by his signature. It was something intensely personal to him and personal to me. It was... perfect. What you do for your Dad, should be that way for you.

My dad died over 20 years ago but i still miss him so much My dads last birthday i celebrated by eating my dads favourite chocolate it was my childs idea to celebrate his birthday every year by doing something that reminded me of him something he liked

I know what you mean, 4 days after my 20th birthday my dad had a massive heart attck when he was 45, yes very young, it will be 11 years this december and every fathers day, birthday mostly all holidays I miss him greatly,but one positive thing I do is get a helium filled balloon and tie it to his grave and that helps me alot and since I was daddy's little girl I know he is upstairs watching over me.. would love to chat with you more bout this subject I don't have anyone to talk to about this my mom is married again and she says "I don't want to talk about it Jennifer."

You are blessed to have had a father to confide in, love, argue, laught and enjoy the companionship that a father gives. Cherish those memories and never forget the good times. Celebrate his passing because he is in a better world but he is always with you so don't think you're whacky if you find yourself talking to him.<br />
I am a 55 year old male and never knew my father. My step-father hated me and I suffered serious mental and physical abuse until I left home at the age of 17. Never forget your dad and keep him special in your heart.

i am very sorry that you have lost your dad. i hope that you have brighter days ahead.

I also lost my Dad 3 yrs. ago. He passed away 4 months before his 78th birthday. I think I took my Mom on his birthday and we spent the day together shopping and going out to eat. She needed to get out of the house and I needed to spend some time with her. Time will slowly help to heal your broken heart but meanwhile spend his birthday with someone you love. I'm sure that would make him happy. God Bless.

I know how you feel. My grandpa was like a dad to me & he passed away in less then a month do to stomach cancer! Like you said what I wouldn't give to see him again. He was my family's rock! I'll be praying for you!

my father passed away when i was ten years old. almost 9 years ago now and i have still never fullt grieved. the fact that you can talk about this and ask for advice is so much more than you realise already, you're not in denial, you're not angry but you are trying to see what you can do to make ur time here better. thats amazing, it really is! my mother and i go out to tea on my dads birthday, we tend to celebrate that instead of the anniversary of his death, i dont kno why, but we always have cake and photos and its nice to reminisce about the times we had together. i dont kno if this helps in any way but i jus wanted to say congratulations on taking it well, even though you may feel like ur not at all and its a horrible feeling i kno, but ull get there, take care xo

I sometimes still dream about my father, even though he died 13 years ago, rather suddenly. If I can try to offer you some comfort (hopefully), it seems that with each passing year I feel more sympathy and love for him, and feel that I understand and appreciate him better, as I edge ever closer to the age he was when he died (50). May you have that comfort too. Take care -- Andrew

Losing somebody dear is always painful. My prayers are with you.

Thanks, for posting. I can relate cuz my father was so intelligent and always made sure we were taken care of. He passed away early, last August as it was a shock to ALL of us (We thought he'd make it through, cuz he was a healthy man-always eating and exercising all through his life-It was so ironic that he lost his life, because of a lung and heart problem that seemed to just pop up out of NOWHERE). It was not fair, so I can relate to your struggles, here. We all miss my father (Especially me). <br />
I hope you feel better.<br />
Peace,<br />
spaceyangelgirl

Your story reminds me of a song sung by Nancy Sinatra it's called "It's For My Dad". Look it up on Youtube and listen to it :) It's a very sweet song for all great dad's out there. I'm sorry to hear about your loss. At least you have great memories of him when he was well. :)

hey there,<br />
everyone will lose their parents one day, right? but it's just sad when it has to happen way too early. It sucks big time... I'm truly sorry you lost your dad. I know how that feels. I lost mine just a year ago, he died of pancreatic cancer. <br />
<br />
I was a mess after that... But hey, I'm only 17 when he died. I wish I have strength like yours to think more positive about what my dad would have wanted from me. <br />
<br />
Well... All the best in everything that is to come! :)

It was a year for my dad in August and it was the toughest thing to ever go through. he was playing with my 2 kids at my house until around 4pm then my mom and dad left to go to the patriots stadium to watch them practice, when i got the phonecall at 615 from my mom at the stadium that my dad suffered a massive heart attack and passed away.. i know what you are going through and it is far from easy. especially this time of the year. it is especially tough now. my dad was only 56 years old at that time.. i miss him so damn much. he was such a big part of my life and my kids life.... if anyone wants to talk about this kind of situation, feel free to email me at emilys722051@yahoo.com

I can't keep reading it on, i've already start crying :|

I am so sorry,i too lost my mother,17 year's ago,and it still hurt,but every mother day i ligth a candle,and on her birthday i write her a letter,and tie it on some ballon and let in go,may god be with you and bless you and you family love elaine in atlanta ga.

Nobody is ever gone. They are around us in some way or the other. I believe that When you Celebrate your dad's birthday in the way he used to love to,maybe with friends or family, It will make you and even him happy.Things will lighten up and you will understand that death is just another phase in life.Its the emotions that last forever.

Such a Beautiful Story. Thank you so much for sharing it. He would be so proud of you and the depth of your love.

i dont know how you feel but i would be sooo heart broken if my mom died,:'( me and her are like best friends... i love her soo much but i know that in time your pain and grief for your father will start to loosen and its okay to cry and grief for loved ones. -hugs- if you need anyone to talk to(i dont want to creep you out or anything and you dont know me but..) im here

I am very sorry for Your loss. It is hard to lose a Loved one. Cherish the memories of Him. I Hope and wish the Best for You. Your Friend Always, Michael

I'm really sorry. My dad is still here but he might as well be gone. He's not the man he was...and I can tell that at almost 90 he's tired of living. It breaks my heart when I hear him talk about missing the old days and missing the active life he used to have. My heart goes out to you... I know I'll get "that call" one day soon and I don't know what scares me most. Knowing it's coming or wondering how I'll react when it does.

Hi<br />
I am really sorry to hear about your loss. I too lost my dad, coming up to 2 years ago. Talk to him, it helps. The grave makes me feel numb when visiting, so I talk to his picture. May sound mad but it does help. I understand your pain. Take Care x

Thank you so much everybody. I've had more replies than I ever expected. I really appreciate you taking the time to write your ideas, sentiments and sympathies. It really does make a big difference. Every time I go into my email and see a notification that somebody new has replied it gives me such a boost. Hugs and best wishes to you all. x

I CAN FEEL YOUR PAIN, I LOST MY DAD ALMOST 4 YEARS AGO, AND I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL I STILL HAVE MY BAD DAYS BUT IT DOES GET TO THE POINT WHERE YOU CAN COPE BUT TAKE YOUR TIME AND DONT LET ANYONE TELL YOU TO GET OVER IT. BECAUSE YOU WILL NEVER GET OVER YOUR DAD BUT YOU WILL LEARN TO DEAL WITH IT BETTER. YOU KNOW YOUR DADS WATCHING OVER YOU. TAKE CARE AND HOLD YOUR HEAD UP.

I am so sorry for your loss and truly understand all the emotion that goes<br />
along with loosing your Father & Friend. I lost my Dad in March and, like you,<br />
am happy for him to be out of pain and free again, but I still feel the ache of<br />
his absence. For MY birthday in May, I went to his favorite spot, enjoyed the<br />
view he sat quietly enjoying on countless occasions and ate our favorite "chips and fresh salsa". I felt very close to him and look forward to repeating that new tradition of mine on HIS birthday, August 2. He is always in my heart but I felt truly connected with him, in his spot, looking thru his eyes at the place he loved the most. My most sincere best wishes to you, Jan

i lost my dad 7 years and also my sister was killed 1 year today in a car crash in the north isaland it was on the news and he is still saying not guilty but he was driving your story touches my heart it will get easier and time goes on

This may seem naive, but you may want to check out what the Bible says about the dead. <br />
<br />
Would you like to see your Dad again, completely healthy and happy, alive on the earth? <br />
<br />
Check out Acts 24:15 and John 5:28, 29<br />
<br />
Also, it is interesting to note that God had intended for man to live on a paradise earth, never having to die. You may remember that Adam and Eve began life in a paradise on the earth. We therefore have good reason to believe that God will eventually bring about his original purpose for humans and the earth. <br />
<br />
You may have heard that, "The meek will inherit the earth", or you may have even prayed the Lord's Prayer than asks that God's will be done ON EARTH, as it is in heaven.<br />
<br />
One last confirmation. Please read Psalm 37:29. It speaks of living forever on the earth, something that must be future, if it is to be believed.<br />
<br />
After years of study, I've become convinced that what the Bible says is actually true and that the hope that it describes is reliable. I certainly don't want to force my beliefs down your throat, but I certainly wanted you to be able to consider what I discovered, especially in view of the fact that when loved ones die, we really all want to know what the situation is.<br />
<br />
I understand that you will still be grieving, just as I assume I would be if I was in your situation. But I hope that if you actually find a Bible and read the 3 scriptures I listed, that death's sting will not be quite as strong.<br />
<br />
My best to you. I wish you the strength to endure this most stressful time, with hope for a happy future.

Is A Rare Part of life when you losse someone Speacail in you Life , Like you Father <br />
I Really Shoked & Pain My Soul Tears come in my eyes <br />
It will be conti... when a Child loose her parents , In here you loose you Father <br />
I pray My God They will always Care you By his Blessing <br />
& Pray that he take Next birth in as again your Father <br />
in this Earth ,

My Father's birthday was the month after he died. I bought a little angel and some flowers to leave at his grave. I still miss him terribly, but I know that he is no longer suffering and I am able to remember him in happier times.

I lost my Dad almost 2 years ago... It's been difficult not having him to talk too , especially with all the changes in my life since he passed. Every time something new happens in my life, I want to call him and talk to him. and then the pain hits that he is gone. We used to talk all the time sometimes for hours. My Dad was a great conversationalist! I do miss him so much. Reading your comment about your Dad made me feel a little less lonely. I guess I felt all alone and didn't think anyone could understand what i went through... but I think you would. It's very tough losing someone you love, even more so when you are so very close. I would love to hear how others get through it. I still struggle every day with grief . It has cast agreat shadow on my life and I'm not quite sure how to shake it. I know that life goes on, but doesn't it feel like it shouldn't? I'm sorry, I guess you would probably rather not be put down about this , huh. I do do have friends that have lost parents, and they tell me that it does get better in time. I guess the worst part of this was my Dad was only 59 when he died. He was so sick in his last years I guess it's a blessing that he no longer suffers. I keep telling myself that, It helps somewhat. But hey, this is is confession time rigght? Well i would take him back in a heartbeat, and i would dedicate my life to caring for him , If only just to hear his voice again.... I sometimes forget what he sounded like.... I'm sorry to share my pain with you, I do hope you understand.

You sound like you are coping as well as anyone can <br />
when they lose someone so close. Keep it up.<br />
<br />
What is your fondest memory of you and your Dad? You were both laughing, holding hands, right? Try to do something like that again. Celebrate. Who cares if you need to cry again. Go ahead. <br />
<br />
You had a precious gift that I longed for my whole life

I lost my father to Lung Cancer in 2000, just 2 months before my youngest son was born. It has gotten easier to be happy when I think of him, but still difficult to talk about it. He loved life, but in the end he was more worried about me and the baby than he was about himself. Every year on the anniversary of his death I will sit alone and have a conversation with him. I enjoy going over the positive things that have happen that year. His birthday is the day after my wedding anniversary, so whatever we do for our anniversary I think of him and how special he was and I try to make the best of it. You will probably never get over losing him, but it does get easier to get through the days. In 2001 I almost lost my mom to a head on collision and I truly believe that my dad was there to make sure she survived so that I would not have to deal with losing them both in such a short time. I also take comfort in knowing that I will see him again and it will seem like no time has passed at all. The important thing is to let yourself grieve. Don't try to suppress your feelings, it only makes it harder down the road. Whatever you and your brother decide to do will be the right thing. There is no one thing that is right, it has to feel right to you. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you try and deal with your grief. (((Hugs))

L,<br />
<br />
I, too, lost a parent - my mom three years ago. I miss her every single day and every single moment. There have been so many times that I wanted to talk with her. I posted a letter to her on this site while I was coping with the pain. It helped me to send her a letter, and I hope it helped others on this site.<br />
<br />
On the first anniversary of her birthday, I planted a garden in her honor. She loved to garden and had such a wonderful times there. Every year, I add a new plant, a new touch and think of her. It's my place to hang out with my mom when I need to reach out to her. Perhaps there was something your dad enjoyed that you can do yourself.<br />
<br />
Another thing my siblings and I do on her birthday every year is a family conference call. We all live in different places and have busy lives, but one day a year, we all get together and talk about each others lives and remember my mom. We understand that we are all living tributes to her. We all want to make her proud. <br />
<br />
L - it will get better with time. It's much easier now than it was three year ago. My mom's passing has taught me that the time with loved ones now is precious and I never let a day go by without letting my kids know I love them dearly. <br />
<br />
Good luck,<br />
J

Thanks Scully for your hugs and Swatches for you message. That sounds like a lovely way to celebrate your Dad's life. Somebody said to me that our loved ones aren't gone because they live on in us and in our memories. Dad will certainly always live on in mine. A year or so before he died Dad told me he didn't want me to be sad when he was gone. So, I'll try not to be and to concentrate on all the happiness he brought me. Thanks again and hugs to you both in return. x

Hugs To You Sweetie.<br />
On My Father's birthday, my brother ad I have a picnic, at our Father's Grave, and fix and eat is Favorite Sandwiches. We do that every year. He passed away in 1999, and I still miss him, but I take and put flowers on his grave and have a picnic to celebrate the life he had, and the smile, and love he shared with us. It helps me realize that he had a good life, and he was jusrt so tired, and God needed him up there with him. I realize he is not in pain anymore, and he is happy and very healthy now. By putting flowers and having a picnic, it helps me to realize that he is gone, but not really.