I Miss My Daddy

My dad passed two weeks ago. It was from the cancer he had since he was little and the tumors took over his body.

We never saw this coming. Just always thought he would eventually get better. He also had brain and lung cancer. It wasn't a big deal. We thought he would overcome it.
He was always in pain. No matter what we did, it never left. His last night, he kkept wanting to get up and go everywhere. Wehad no idea why. But maybe he knew. Heknew he was dying.
My sister woke me up and told me daddy died. I jumped up and glanced inside their room. I couldn't bring myself to go inside and I walked into the living room. Called my other sisters to tell them but they hung up. Called back again and this time my sister took over the phone. The ambulance came and confirmed he was gone. my older sister started crying. I rubbed her back and held her. Telling her it was going to be okay. My other sisters finally came and went to see him. I went with them to pick up my brother. He didn't start crying until we were around the corner from the house. About half an hour later, the coroners came in with a bag and the metal gurney. The types that you see on TV. When they exited the room was when it kicked in..my daddy was dead. As I stared at the gurney leaving, I couldn't help the tears pouring from my eyes. My sister held me as I cried and cried. I felt like I was going to pass out. My sisters helped me get outside to cool down but it didn't work. My breathing was out of control and I couldn't calm down. They gave me some sleeping pills and laid me down on my parents bed. It felt like forever until I calmed and fell asleep. My daddy was gone and they already told the younger kids.

My daddys funeral was great. He was greatly rememered and loved by lots of people. We were some lucky *** fuckiin kids to be blessed with a father like that. He was wonderful.

I will NEVER get over it. I LOVED my daddy to death and still do. But he's never coming back. There's a gigantic hole in my heart now that'll never be filled. My daddy was my best friend. We went on walks and could talk about anything. We had plans. I had plans for him. My life plan was based on him. Now I just don't care anymore. I don't mean this in a suicidal way. Like, I'm not going to kill myself. But I can't wait to die so I'd hopefully be in heaven with him. I've never been afraid to die, just HOW I died. But I'm not taking any bullshit ever again. No more overanalyzing. I could be a hobo tomorrow and wouldn't care. And no one would understand unless they've experiened what I'm going through.

My daddy was an amazing man. I miss him but at least he's free. No more pain. No more worries.

I LOVE you Daddy<3
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4 Responses Dec 15, 2012

Cancer is such a sorry disease any way, nothing good about it. It doesn't discriminate, it doesn't care your age, sex, race or political viewpoint. You only have to meet one criteria and that is be living. I am sorry for your loss. I think your dad probably knew how things were and wanted to be strong for the family. It sounds like he was a rock for the whole family.

My dad passed away on december 23 2012. A sudden heart attack. I couldnt say goodbye be ause the time they informed he was aready lying with a blanket on his face. The hurt i feel in losing the only rock that held my family toghether. I am very hurt and my family ****** me off. Instead of coping toghether were drifting apart. God, i miss him. I miss him.

hi my name is john sorry for your loss my dad passed on the 8 this mouth and i said good bye yesterday its the hardest thing i have ever had to do today i will be laying him to rest i miss him so much

Families are eternal. They are the building blocks of heaven. If you want to understand the concept of an eternal family contact a missionary (18-21 yrs old) of the LDS (Mormon Church). Have them teach you about the restored gospel of Christ and how you can build an eternal family including your father.