Broken Heart

Today is the one year anniversary of his death. My dad was very special to me. I was his princess.

The story took over a year of my life.

The beginning started on a Friday morning when my dad had woke me up earlier than I normally got up for work. He said didn't feel good & thought he might have had a heart attack. So I jumped out bed & got dressed in a hurry like a crazy person, while he went & got my mom up.

Next I called my job to let them know that I was not coming in for the half day I was working, because I had made plans to finish signing up for my master's degree program. (This was in December 2010.) Then drove to the emergency room to get my dad checked out.

I left my parents at the hospital & went to my appointment. I got all the paperwork done & was set to start at the end of January. Well when I got back to he was still in the ER but they were admitting him for more test to be done.

The next morning the phone rang & it was my dad telling me he had cancer. I know had to tell my mom before the doctor called. I had her sit down at the kitchen table & told dad just called & the doctor would be calling. I told her it was cancer & I thought she was going to pass out on me. We talked a couple minutes & then the doctor called. Told her what it was & more tests were needed. The doctor also said my dad would be there at least 5 days. Next mom & I got dressed & packed a bag for dad. It turns out he was in the hospital for 10 days & missed Christmas with the family. He was upset about that.

The diagnosis came to be stage 4 Lung Cancer with 2 extra lesion. OMG my mom was freaked & me too. I went looking online as soon as I got home. I found out most people live an average of 6 to 8 months. OMG I was shocked, but after talking with the doctor & reading the paperwork that was filled out for me for work, my dad would lucky to make June 2011. Well I now was in school full-time &working full-time & running from doctor to doctor for my dad.

This went on for months and soon it was June & he was still with us. He has beaten the odds already. Now time for new paperwork for me for work & things just kept rolling. Until my mom's birthday at the end of November. We went out to dinner & my dad was really off & not right.

Now it's mid December on Thursday the 22nd & my uncle Bill takes dad to breakfast. The 2 of them would go all the time. The 2 brothers out for their morning adventure at about 6am. This was the last time they ever went to breakfast again. Now on Friday we went to the doctor appointment & it was decided that it was time for hospice to come in. My mom decided that they should come after Christmas because dad wanted the holiday with the family. So we had family & friends over. I cooked the food for dinner & we got dad up to the table but he didn't eat anything. But he sat with us.

The hospice company came in on Monday morning & I had to sign all of papers because I had the power of attorney. I felt horrible but knew it was the best thing for him. The hospice nurse came on Wednesday mid day & told my mom he was in transition & would be in less than a week. I was at work but came home when my mom called. My mom never called me home unless it was a extreme emergency. So work said go, I grabbed my stuff & left.

Now I was up late so that I could work on my homework because of class. I would send my mom to bed early so she would get up with him in the morning & I would do the late night shift. It was fine because I was always working on homework. My dad was awake when I gave him his 10pm meds on Wednesday night & I talked to him & told him I loved him. I decided to go to bed early because I needed some sleep and the next med time was 2am.

My mom was already awake, it was about 5 minutes to 2am. The alarm had not gone of yet. She had a look on her face that told me something was wrong. My instincts were right. Mom said he was gone. I lost it. I completely freaked out because he was fine less than 4 hours ago. I was the last person to be with him. My mom knew in her heart he was gone & she didn't want me to find him.

Well that was one year ago today, December 29, 2011. Well I miss him so much but I am comforted by the fact that he is not suffering. My dad made all of his goals except for one, and that was watching me finish my degree in June 2012. Yes I did graduate and did it with honors too.

I know he is always with as my guardian angel, but I still miss him so much. I loved him. I know he is in my heart forever and will continue to be very proud of me everyday.

I love him & will never forget him.
msmuffet72 msmuffet72
36-40, F
10 Responses Dec 29, 2012

Both of my parents are now gone, and reading your heartfelt story took me back to their passings. They lived with me for the last 10 years of their lives (I'd built a 1 bedroom apartment onto my house, just for them). Also, this summer, I lost my mentor, surrogate father, and one of my dearest friends, who also succumbed to lung cancer. I had lunch with him the day before he went to the Doc to get chk'd out (he was lively but have been having some shortness of breath). He had lung cancer despite never having smoked. He passed 30 days after that visit to the Doc, and they never even got around to starting any kind of therapy/cure for him. I guess that from now forward I'll be experiencing losses of friends and family -- until its my turn...

Thank you for sharing your story. Losing dad like that had to have been very difficult, but you are so fortunate that you got to bask in his love to the end. As close as a son can be to a dad, the girls lucky enough to bond as you did have something special. I think my daughter will feel that way some day when I pass. I don't want her to hurt, but I spent her life forging a special bond with her. I was just 18 when lung cancer took my dad from me. He got to see me finish high school and even saw me in my USAF Dress Blues. But that April, he was gone.

You will miss many things but hold fast to the memories that remind you of his love for you. Promise me that you will never smoke a cigarette from this day forward in your life. I am a crusader for getting people of cigarettes as my mom died a few years after my dad and I have since lost 2 brothers to them as well.

Buried in the sorrow of your lose is the story of a daughter who loved her daddy. To me that is so special. I am sure he surrounds you with his love every day.

Thank you for your kind words. Just to let you know I have never smoked in my life except for the second hand smoke that both my parents had exposed me to. Because of the second hand smoking I ended up with asthma. I wish others would realize what smoking can do to a person.

The asthma has multiple roots. I would love to encourage you to begin removing stress from your life. That comes from choosing the things you let in and the things you keep out. There are mental disciplines involved, not just saying "I will do this." I hope you will look into ways to offset the stressors in your life with things you can enjoy.

Im so sorry for your loss.. Your story brings tears to my eyes. This is a reminder to be grateful and cherish what someone has everyday.. Hope all is well with you and God bless sweetheart.

Thank you.

Reading this brought tears to my eyes & made my chest hurt. I'm seriously sorry to hear about your Dad. 8 months ago I saw my Dad get hit & killed by a car. Even to that night still haunts me & it still kills me. I feel blessed b/c I look just like my Dad, I'ma Daddy's gurl. I was his princess too.

Thank you.

I lost my dad on December 29th too. He used to call me princess.
It was 12 years ago and sometimes I still can't believe he has been gone this long. He was the wind in my sail. Life has gone on but never quite the same. Every year on this day, I think I am all right, and make myself busy, but tears come easily out of nowhere.

Thank you for letting me know. I feel the same about my dad. He was also my sports buddy too.

I lost my mum to cancer August 15 this year 2012. She fought as hard as she could for just under 5 years. Her story and decline was similar to your dad's. I am here for you as I am sure so many others will be. I think i am going to need your support August 15 2013 when i share my story.

I feel your pain. My dad's one year was just yesterday. Kidney failure... We found out the 22nd and he was gone not even a week later. I wanted to let you know your not alone and there are lots of people there to support you. Hope you are doing ok today.

Thank you for your support and understanding. I have moments that I am just fine and others when I am crying like a baby. Today is truly an emotional roller coast ride of life. The ride seems to be including both the peaks and valleys along the way.

I'm sorry.

I lost my dad 3 years ago and I too still miss him everyday. The rawness does ease.

Thank you for sharing

Thank you for you kind words.

you are welcome. I'm finding that writing on here is helping me. Perhaps it will help you find peace too. Thinking of you

You are correct actually writing the story made me feel a little better.

My dad died of Luekemia after a 9month battle when I was 14. Watching the man that you see as the strongest person on the planet wither away is the hardest thing anyone could ever have to do. It has been 7 years, and not a day goes by that I don't wish he was here... to help me with everything like he use to.
I'm sorry about your loss and while I won't tell you that the pain will go away, because it won't, I will tell you that it will get easier...

Thank you for letting me know that as time passes things and feeling will get easier.

Yeah, it is a horrible feeling, but soon as opposed to crying you'll smile when you have memories again. :/

I have to admit that sometimes I have good days and there are some bad ones too. The funny thing is I always thought I would have him longer than my mom. Most of my dad's family lives until their mid to late 90's so losing him at 71 was not expected. With my mom the oldest person in her family made 80 so its a little bit different.

My Dad was only 42 it was completely out of the blue. Having people to listen that are goin thru the same thing really helps tho. :/

That is so true. again thank you.

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I'm so sorry! I'm sure he is smiling down on you and very proud :)

Thank you.