Why Did He Have To Leave?

I don't think I've yet excepted the fact that my dads never coming home.

There had been some problems at home, my mum had cheated on my dad and had decide that she didn't knead him in her life any more and just wonted him to leave but he still loved here, my mum had been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis about 3 years ago but kept on going, she didn't really give her self a brake until it had all gotten to much for her not to so by that time i don't know really but i think she had developed some kind of depression or something but she had suddenly decided that my dad was the problem he and was the thing she had to get rid of to get better, but she had definitely changed it as almost like she didn't wont any of us any more nether me my brother my sister or my dad but part of her was like no i should probably keep the kids, but she was horrible to my dad and it was very easy for my brother, sister and I to get on the wrong side of her.

One day i was down stares and my mum and dad where up stares arguing i stood by the door not wanting to go up, as i started to leave my dad came down the stares, he looked so sad and hurt that i gave him a hug, and wen i was hugging him he started to cry i didn't know what to do so i just kept hugging him, i had a feeling he didn't wont me to see him cry but he needed some one, another time he came storming threw the kitchen door just as i was about to go out of it and he said to me "who do u wont to live with me or your mum" and just kept on going this Reilly shook me because i new things where bad but i think my dad had just got to a point where he didn't wont to deal with it any more.
It was ether later on that weak or something but i dunno i must have been in a daydream or something because i cant remember how long it was that they where arguing for weather it all accrued in a space of a weak or a month i can only remember short clippings of what was happening during that time.

But one Wednesday in may every thing changed i had come home from school and had decided that instead of doing important homework id do my photography weird and wonderful makeup project instead so i was looking very Gothic when i realized my camera battery needed charging so i pout it on charge popped on some sunglasses and went over to see what my brother and dad where doing, they where siting on the sofa talking wen i went up there with my dark sunglasses on to say hello, i was sitting there for a while when i decided to take my glasses off and show them my makeup, i cant remember there reactions but they weren't negative i remember telling them it was for my photography project but that's it. Not long after that my dad decided he needed to do something, anything but he couldn't just sit there, i remember my brother suggesting gig rowing and as soon as he did my dad jumped up and said "grab your stuff lets go how long is it till it starts?" they asked me if i wonted to go and i wont sure but my dad wasn't waiting he wonted to go so i said no an let them go with out me i heard the landrover start up and pull away, then went back to my bed room but couldn't be bothered to take any photos so i went to watch TV with my cousin.
Later on that evening at about 7ish there was a knock at the door and i was trying to get my cousin to answer it because id only just realized that i was still waring the make up but because he was only 6 I lost and went to oped the door and pretended that this was what i looked like every day normally, there was a policeman there asking for my mum but i didn't know where she was I remember being told shed gone to watch the rugby so that's what i told him he asked for a contact number so i gave him her mobile warning him that she probably wouldn't hear the phone, he said thank you and left,a minuet or two later i went to text my dad and asked him if he new where mum was wen i got no reply i text him again asking weather shed run off and left us and he had said that she was missing, i don't know why i ashamed shed run off and left us but that was the only thing i could come up with to why the policeman was looking for her but i decided to wash my makeup off just encase anyone else decided to tern up asking questions.
later on that evening at about 11or something i was siting on the sofa watching the Chelsy flower show on TV with my auntie wen my uncle Chris and auntie Karena arrived, i remember calling out to them that i was in the living room and that my brother and dad weren't back yet and i didn't know where my mum or sister where, they walked in to the living room and asked us to sit so i did in the singular softer that had a purple fluffy drape on it and them telling me that my Daddy wasn't coming home an that my brother was in the hospital and my mother was with him that he was OK.
I remember most of the rest of the night but there are black bits that i don't know what happened
i cant describe how i felt other than numb stuff happened around me i some how found myself on another chair i think i went to bed but I'm not shore.
the next day i went down stares and sat with my mum whilst she phoned up these people and that sorting the odd thing out like he was on the downer list so she phoned them up to see what he was able to giveaway because all the time iv known him all hes ever wonted to do is help others.

its not even been a yea yet since he died, my brother is fully recovered, both his shoulders where broken and his elbow was fractured, some how he had managed to Swizzle right round in is seat so he was laying with is head towards the windscreen with the right side of his face going threw the side door window, the landrover had flipped crushing my dad and braking his neck so the doctors said that he didn't suffer, we don't play enya sail away any more it was the song my brother said was playing when every ting stopped moving, iv only heard it twice since both very recently one was just before new year when we where staying at a friends house on our way up to London we where watching the English version of girl with the dragon tattoo with the James bond dude in it, my bother sat there frozen then got up and left the room, another time was two days ago i was on my laptop and my auntie was watching music videos on the TV and it was on one of the playlists she was listening to, both times it has made me feel very weird and like i don't know but when i here it its like everything stops and I'm like o gosh my brother! i hope he doesn't here this its a very strange feeling i can't describe it.

I started consoling in October September time but i stomped it I just couldn't get along with it, don't get me wrong the lady was nice and all its just, she wasn't old but she was if u know what i mean and i feel the need to always say yes to old people if there tying to help but i just didn't like it, i didn't wont a scrap book with things in it that reminded me of him or a box with words that described how i was feeling because i didn't know i still don't know what reminds me of him, I where my dads tracksuit bottoms some times for PE, and i miss him loads when I'm doing school work because he was also dyslexic so he understood me if u know what i mean i felt like i dunno, but my mum cant help me with my maths and science like my dad could, so yer my grades in science have plummeted but iv just got to work hard on it and persevere and ill get the grades i wont.

Sorry its so long I'm not shore how to end this so I'm gonna leave it here and i will try to comment on what all the rest of you post and to try to help you in any way i can, because my friends have been amazing and have helped me so so much over the past few months and i just know that i would not be in the state of mined that i am now without them, thank you for taking the time to read this and i hope it helped in some way or another and that can help you x
jazzyrococat jazzyrococat
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 9, 2013

That was really beautiful jazz, I was really surprised when I first saw you after your dad died because you seemed so strong. Since then I know how it feels to lose someone that close to you, live goes on it's just not the same as it was before. I still do feel like Kevin is still there even though I cannot speak to him, that comforts me. Maybe that helps others too xxx